Tears

It doesn't take much to make me cry.  Keep thinking it will get better and I am sure it will, just hasn't happened yet.

It's little things that before would not have even brought on a sigh....now bring tears.  John's toothbrush, his sunglasses on the dash of the car, all seemingly insignificant before, but not now.

I was in Snow Hill yesterday when our friendly UPS man saw me.  He stopped and jumped out of the truck and came to greet me.  He gave me a hug, said he was so sorry and told me what a wonderful man John was.  Luckily, he was back in his brown truck and on to his next stop before he saw my tears.

PCQ

Halloween

Sunday was Halloween.  Lauren was sure we would have a few trick or treaters that night.  She asked if we had any candy to give out on the way to the hospital to get John.  He had already sent me a text saying, "Come get me out of here."  We were on our way.

He was checked out and home by early afternoon and before long, we were all napping.   In retrospect, that afternoon nap turned out to be very important.  Don't know how I would have made it through the next few days if I hadn't been able to get some rest that day.

The Pittsburgh Steelers were on Sunday Night Football.  We have been Steelers fans since Lauren lived in Pittsburgh during graduate school at Carnegie Mellon.  Pittsburgh is a great city and you can't embrace it properly without falling into the Steelers culture..... and they had those wonderful Super Bowl wins! Pittsburgh was playing the New Orleans Saints and it was Halloween.  What a great game to watch with all the folks dressed up, I mean it is New Orleans and it doesn't take much to start a party in that city.

About half way through the game, John said he didn't feel right.  I got the thermometer, he wasn't running a fever, wasn't even up to normal.  I put the pressure cuff on on him....his blood pressure was a little low but not out of range.  "Something is wrong, I don't know what it is but I just don't feel right," he said, "I think I need to go to the hospital."  I was confused.  We had just gotten home from the hospital.  Everything was fine.  The doctors all told him he was doing good.  "Are you in pain?" I asked.  "No, I just don't feel right, when I breathe, I don't seem to be able to get enough oxygen in," he said.  "Well, I don't think we should go to the hospital without more symptoms," I said.  Lauren and I scurried around trying to do things to make him feel better, but nothing worked.  Finally, it occurred to me, John never complained and if his body was telling him something was wrong, then something must be really wrong.  He wanted me to call the doctor, but I told him, we didn't have to call the doctor, if he thought he needed to go to the hospital, then all we had to do was get in the truck and go.  During all of this, he seemed to be getting weaker and his blood pressure was dropping.  Lauren and I rushed about, getting things in place before leaving.

We were ready to leave, but John couldn't stand up.  His legs and feet had swollen even more and made the neuropathy worse. We tried to get him up but it wasn't working, his legs were just too weak to hold him.  I was really concerned now.  We pulled out the computer chair again, somehow managed to get him in it, and rolled him out to the back deck.  I had pulled the Tahoe around to the steps by the back porch.  We had him at the steps, but his legs just weren't strong enough to hold him.  What were we going to do?  Lauren and I could try to get him down, but I'm not supposed to strain my back because of the location of the tumor on my spine.  And we didn't want to let him fall and cause more problems than we already were facing.  We were in a pickle and we just stopped and looked at one another.

It was 11:30 and too late to call neighbors to help.  Our only option now was to call 911.  So I did.  Thankfully, they arrived in about 10 minutes.  While we were waiting, I was getting the dogs locked up in the laundry room so they wouldn't be a problem.  Lauren was looking after John, making sure he was warm and in as little distress as possible.  When our helpers, Shannon and Michael arrived, they assessed the situation and said they had a "stair chair" that would be perfect.  Basically, they got John into the thin chair, which has wheels in all the right places, and strapped him in.  Down the steps he went with ease.

I told them we could ferry him to the hospital and save them some gas and time.  All we needed was help getting him in the Tahoe.  So, that was our next challenge.  But this was not their first rodeo and they got John right up beside the vehicle, worked out their plan and next thing we knew, he was sitting in the front seat ready to go.  John teased them and said, "Bet I'm the biggest thing you have lifted today."  Michael replied quickly, "You are the lightest patient I have picked up today, believe it or not.  Most everyone has been way too heavy."

We thanked them for being so courteous and caring and sent them on their way.   Next stop for us....after freeing the puppies from the laundry room, PCMH.

PCQ

Checking In

We got checked in to the Emergency Room around 3:30 and John was whisked away while I finished the paperwork.  By now, I have learned their SWAT team routine; get him assigned to a room, assess the situation, hook up to EKG, get vitals, listen to heart and breathing, get X-Rays, take blood, start oxygen (depending on situation) and start an IV.  Of course, I was slurping on my milkshake during all of this....and yes, John helped me with it.

Doesn't take them too long to determine what may be the issue du jour.  Today, obviously, the excessive heart rate was something that had to be dealt with, but was there anything else going on?  The rapid heart rate had happened before, so I was prepared for the procedure.  Basically what happens is this, they hook him up to several machines and then injected a drug into his IV that would shock the heart into a proper cadence.  The doctor told him his heart would "feel" like it was stopping, but it wouldn't, and it would only take approximately 20 seconds.  At least that is what he said.  About 15 people were in the small room watching the procedure.  Apparently, this must be something that isn't done very often and it was a learning experience.

As the drug was administered, I placed my hand around John's.  I could see the monitor and was watching the heart rate, still around 160.  It took only 3 or 4 seconds before the heart rate dropped like a rock and settled around 85.  As soon as it was over, the doctor asked John if he was okay.  "Sure," he said, "it was like going over the big drop on a roller coaster."  After John's heart rate stabilized, everyone cleared out except the nurse.

John being John, figured the mechanic had fixed the car and it was time to pay up and go home.  But, the doctor told him he would like to keep him overnight just to monitor his condition and if all went well, he would be released first thing Sunday morning.  So, off he goes to the Heart Center for the night.  John saw this as an opportunity for PCMH to fill their coffers and an empty bed for the night, but, he did make the decision to stay.

During all of this, I had been communicating with Lauren on her flight from St. Louis.  She had a long lay over in Charlotte and was scheduled to arrive at PGV airport around 11:30 that night.  Luckily, she signed up for standby and was able to get on an earlier flight and was due in around 9:15.  That was great news, she would be able to spend more time with John.  He wanted me to leave soon cause the flights are usually early into Greenville, so, while John was being whisked to his room in the Heart Center, I scurried over to the airport to retrieve my baby girl, and yes, the flight was early, just like John said.  John asked me to pick up a Wendy's hamburger and fries while I was out, so after picking her up, we stopped and got him a burger.  He sent us a text and let us know he was in Room 517.  It was a joyous reunion, Lauren was home, John was feeling good and we sat on the bed with him, talked, and munched on our goodies from Wendy's.

Soon, it was time to go home. It was late, he was doing fine, and John needed his rest.  And if all went well, he would be home tomorrow.

PCQ

Remembering

I write this to remember.  It has been a difficult journey and I know it will be harder without John's big, strong, hands holding me up.  John always made me feel special....his "bride".

Saturday started as a beautiful day.  John and I had lots of things that needed to be done because Lauren was flying in from St. Louis that evening.  Though he was having trouble with swelling in his legs and feet, his health seemed to be improving.  The mass in his lung had decreased by 3 cm., a significant change, and his breathing was so much better.  I hadn't said much about all of that on the blog as he wanted to tell Meredith and Lauren himself...to finally be able to give them some good news.

I was in the garage working on getting the furnace closet in order.  Yes, our furnace had to be replaced during all of this.  John had it serviced when the weather changed and the inspector told him there was a CO2 leak in the unit and he had to shut it down until it was repaired.  Luckily, we have two separate units, one for each end of the house.....and, the weather cooperated, we didn't have any cold weather during the installation process.  The new unit was installed and completed that Friday.  "Don't pay for the furnace till the inspector comes and says everything has been installed properly," he said.

Fall Saturdays are football days and John already had his line up.  A beautiful, crisp, day and plenty of good football.  Only thing that could possibly make it better for him was to be with friends at the river.  But Lauren was coming and he was already planning dinner for her on Sunday.

Saturday afternoon, while I was working on getting the furnace closet clean and back in order, John came to the door and said he felt like his heart was beating too fast, would I come check it?  We have a blood pressure cuff and it will give the heart rate also.  I sat down with him and put the cuff on.  158 beats per minute!  What was going on? I tried it again, 163.  A normal range is around 60-70 beats per minute when resting.  I called the doctor, he thought maybe John was dehydrated and it was causing his heart to work harder.  "Have him drink plenty of fluids and continue to monitor his heart rate.  If it hasn't slowed within an hour, call me.  We may need to get him to the hospital," the doctor said.  John was having problems with staying hydrated, so I lined the Gatorade up and he started chugging.  Maybe that would do it, but I was still worried.

John had several chores on the farm that needed to be completed and once something was on his mind, it had to be done.  Checque helped on the farm as needed and stopped by after lunch to check in.  Poor Checque, in broken English, he asked how John was doing and I just fell apart, tears and sobbing.  He stood there seemingly helpless, but wanting to do something.  He wanted to see John, but I told him John didn't feel well.  He comforted me and said he would come back soon.

I tried not to worry while we waited, but there was fear, his heart couldn't continue at this intense rate.  We periodically checked his heart rate and nothing changed.  After an hour, we called the doctor again and off we go to the hospital.

While driving to the emergency room, I had a craving for a milkshake, we had missed lunch.  John had been drinking lots of shakes the past few days because they soothed his throat, had lots of calories, and were just plain good.  All of which he needed since having the radiation to his throat and chest. So, when he got one, I did too.  And I really wanted one.  "Go on and get a milkshake, 2 more minutes won't make a difference," he said.  So we quickly zipped through McDonald's and I got a vanilla milkshake.  As soon as we drove out, he laughed and said, "I can't wait to tell everybody we were on our way to the Emergency Room, my heart racing, and you went to McDonald's drive thru for a milkshake."

To be continued....
PCQ

John Quincy Adams V

John Quincy Adams V

August 3, 1949 – November 2, 2010

John Quincy Adams, V, a wonderful father, husband, and brother passed away peacefully on the evening of November 2, 2010, surrounded by family and friends.

John’s life was cut short by cancer, but the years he lived were rich and full.  He walked the Great Wall of China, had dinner in Cuba with Castro, was entertained at the White House,  traveled with the President of Mexico and played a mean Bocce ball game.  John could never be still and was always ready to serve and get the job done. 

He was an active member of the Greene County Extension Service Advisory Board for 18 years, a 4-H leader, and recently named to the NC Extension Advisory Board.  He received the Governor’s Award for community service and the NC Outstanding Pork Producer Award.  John served as a NC Barbeque Judge, one of the first to be appointed and recognized.  Later, he became a Certifier of New BBQ Judges, and was instrumental in laying the groundwork for the certification process for BBQ judges in North Carolina.

John served on the N C Pork Council as a board of director for nearly 30 years and was president of the N.C. Pork Council (1987).  He was also a member of the N. C. Ag Advancement Consortium (2002-present) U.S. Meat Export Federation Board of Directors (2002-2008), appointed by the U.S. Department of Agriculture secretary to director of National Pork Board and a member of the N.C. State University Ag Foundation Board (2010), Eastern Food Board of Directors (1994-1998).

Calvary Memorial United Methodist Church was his church home and he loved everyone there and so appreciated the kindness shown to him during his illness.

John loved NC State University and graduated in 1971. He was an active member of the Greene County community since moving to Snow Hill in 1975 from his home county of Beaufort. His many friends will remember him for being quick to laugh, smile, and always ready to roast a pig on special occasions.  He loved to cook bacon, or “pig candy” as he called it, for hours at the beach so everyone could have that cherished BLT on the porch overlooking the ocean!

John was a loving husband, father, and brother, who is survived by his wife of 35 years,  Patricia Lee Adams of Snow Hill, and his daughters, Meredith Adams, Executive Chef of Eurasia Café in Mt. Pleasant, SC and Lauren Adams, Assistant Professor at Washington University, in St. Louis, MO. His nickname, given by his girls, was “Daddy Wild Root” and would always sign correspondence, “DWR”. He is also survived by his sister, Barbara Adams of Washington, NC; Gale Mayberry and husband, Wally Mayberry; brother, Harry Adams, Jr. and wife, Dianna; a very special mother-in-law, Geraldine Lee, that he loved dearly, especially her fried chicken and cornbread; brother in law, Parlie Lee Jr., and wife Kim; sister in law, Michelle Lee Barbour and husband, Michael. Dear nieces and nephews include, Brandon Barbour, Madison Barbour, Pamela Lee, Preston Lee, and Stephanie Hale. He was preceded in death by his father, Harry Adams, and mother, Margaret Wood Adams. 

A memorial service will be held on Saturday, November 6, at 11:00 am at Calvary Memorial with visitation immediately following the service in the Fellowship Hall.

Though flowers are appreciated, we would like for donations to be made to the NC Cooperative Extension, 229 Kingold Blvd, Snow Hill NC 28580,  “John Quincy Adams V Agriculture Scholarship”, or to the building fund at Calvary Memorial United Methodist Church, PO Box 445, Snow Hill, NC, 28580.

John

My sweet baby passed away today.  I cannot tell you the hurt I feel.

Pulling my wagon alone now....
PCQ

Last Radiation Treatment

John had his last radiation treatment on Monday.  It was actually a bit of a surprise cause I thought he was scheduled for several more.  Dr. Ballenger, his radiologist, was very pleased with the progress she had made.  Her mission was to zap the growth that was strangling one of the main trunks to his lungs so it would allow for good air flow.  Prior to all of this, when John would breathe, there was a gurgling sound.  Since the radiation (and chemo) started, that has gone away and his lungs now sound really good.    Can we relax....well, no.  Cancer is sort of like the bad guy in one of those horror films.  He gets shot, head cut off, blown up, cut, and buried, but somehow, he manages to come back and scare the BeeJesus out of you. That's what it is like.  You know it is still out there.  Cancer, the true horror film!

But, all in all, he is doing remarkably well....considering everything he is dealing with.  He is really having trouble eating and drinking now that the radiation has burned his esophagus.  That will continue for two weeks after the last radiation treatment and then the healing process starts.  But, always remember, when other things start healing, so does the cancer.  And it will get what it needs first.

I didn't realize till we talked with Dr. Ballenger how sneaky cancer really is.  She told us cancer releases an enzyme when you eat that tells the brain you are full.  "We've had plenty thanks....don't need any more food".  But, what is really happening, the cancer cells grab the first calories, release the enzyme to say we are full, and the rest of the body goes without and gradually starves.  That is why one of the first questions someone is asked when cancer may be involved is, "Have you lost weight recently?"

John has lost some weight.  I keep thinking a lot of it is from all the procedures he has endured.  Seems as though every one of them is always scheduled early in the day, but never get done till way late!  He goes without food and drink from 12 the night before till after the procedure is complete.  So, he should have lost some from that.

But anyway, that is where we are, waiting for the healing to start on his throat.  Life is pretty tough when you can't eat or drink with any pleasure.  Take my word for it.

Wagon still moving....
PCQ

NC State Fair

I didn't get to go to the State Fair this year.  Really sorry about that, but, it just couldn't be helped.  And, to tell the truth, I do the same things every year.  But this year, the attendance broke the one million mark and I am sorry that I wasn't one of the clicks on the turnstile that helped break that record.

Growing up, I always went to the fair.  Sort of took it for granted.  Anyone who lives in North Carolina, needs to go to the fair, but I never realized what a great fair we have till our girls were showing horses and we ended up at horse shows at other state fairs.  Wow, we are so lucky.  Most state fairs are pretty wimpy, but not ours.  It is just too much fun.

Several years ago, I decided I was old enough to do what I wanted to do, and thought spending a week working at the state fair would be fun.  So, I set about finding a job.  Didn't take me long.  Before I knew it, I had the grand job of handing out free samples of Neese's Liver Pudding!  (It is called liver mush in some places.) All the liver pudding I could possibly want, plus, I got in free, and was paid to do it!  How cool is that?  I also discovered the underground economy at the fair.  You give me some maple cotton candy and I'll trade you a pound of liver pudding.  Done deal!

I loved being at the fair.  But it was hard work.  It is amazing how many people actually LIKE liver pudding and don't think their fair visit is complete until they have been by the Neese's booth and grabbed a few samples of the puddin'.  And with thousands of people going to the fair every day, that adds up to a lot of liver pudding being dished out!

Got to make new friends while I was there too.  Even allowed me an invitation to be a SPAM judge.  Yes, the state fair has a SPAM cooking contest and believe it or not, people enter it.

So, put that on my list of "Certified to DO!"  North Carolina State Fair SPAM judge.....the joys of life.

PCQ

Busy Week

John has had a busy week.  And if John has had a busy week, I have too.  During this past week, he has had radiation every day, three days of blood tests and X-Rays, two trips to outpatient services at the hospital to get a total of 4 units of blood and one unit of platelets.  Thankfully, Friday's blood test said he was full of joy juice and all his numbers were great.

Thursday, I took a partial day off of taking care of John and went to the ECU Women's Roundtable at the Greenville Convention Center with my friend, Ann.  The purpose of the event is to raise money for ECU scholarships. It was a grand conference.

Our friend, Tony, stepped up and took on my responsibilities for the day, with regard to John.  The conference started at 9 a.m.  Tony picked John up around noon and took him to his radiation appointment, and then lunch.  Afterwards, he took John to PCMH Outpatient Services to get his last two units of blood.  I joined them there.

Earlier that day, I was enjoying the wonderful speakers at the conference.  Of course, my favorite was Jeanne Robertson, humorist speaker and past (tallest by the way) Miss North Carolina, who spoke after lunch.  She is a hoot and you can view her Bungee Jump speech she did for us at the link below.  Given all that I have had going on recently, it was nice to enjoy the day with my friend and have a few belly laughs....I really needed that.

Jeanne Robertson's Bungee Jump

Here's a photo of me and Jeanne Robertson with urinals behind us.  The convention center had converted the men's rooms into women's rooms for the conference since mostly women were attending.  When I went into the "Ladies' Room" before lunch, Jeanne Robertson, was in front of me and she looked at me and said, "Now who are you?"  We started talking and I told her coincidentally, I had just viewed her Pound Cake video on YouTube the weekend before when my daughter, Lauren, was home. I told her my husband had been sick and my dear friend Joan had brought one of her mother, Cleo's, pound cakes to us.  We laughed about pound cakes and sick people and she said, "So many people have told me they have heard my pound cake story, I don't think I will do that one today.  Think I'll do the Bungee Jump."  I didn't tell her I had just viewed that one recently too.  "You know," she said, "we decided to put these on YouTube and we have had millions of hits.  Who would have thought that many people would listen to clean humor?"

I grabbed my camera and asked if she would pose for a photo.  "Sure," she said, "and make sure you get the urinals in the picture, cause years from now, when you are dead and gone, your children will be going through your photos and they will see this and say, 'What in the world was she doing in the men's bathroom?'" So, I got a friend to snap the photo above.

It was a fun day.  But I did hear some startling statistics about women and money.  Need to call our financial advisor and plan a meeting.

Wagon still rolling.
PCQ

Full Time Nurse

Think I became a full time nurse today.  At least it seems that way.  John had an appointment at 1:30 to check his blood.  Chemotherapy is deadly on blood cells....and we hope it is deadly on cancer cells too.

Today was two weeks since the first chemo with the new drugs.  As we walk through all of this and learn, today was when things start to happen.  Well, they have.  John had been getting weaker since Sunday.  We had such a great time while Lauren and Jake were home, he just kept going.  But today, I could tell, he was losing steam, and losing it fast.

Before he had the blood check, he had a radiation appointment at 1 o'clock.  We arrived at the radiation appointment a few minutes early.  He was taken in right away and zap, he was finished and ready to meet with Dr. Ballenger.  She always meets with patients at least once a week and today was the day.  She talked about the cancer and how it was restricting air flow in John's lung.  Radiation should allow better air flow soon.  At least that is the plan.  She noticed he was looking a little pale and asked that we bring a copy of the blood tests Dr. Lee would perform, so she could have the info on file.

The appointment with Dr. Lee was immediately following the radiation appointment, so off we go.  My red headed girlfriend Watusi (with blonde highlights) was meeting us there to deliver a beautiful potted mum from our friend Mayhew.  And it was beautiful....and now gracing our fireplace Halloween scene.  Thanks Mayhew!

When we got to Dr. Lee's office, we were quickly taken to the "vampire room" for blood withdrawal.  But, now that John has a 3 lead PICC line, (which was installed during his hospital stay to allow easier access for blood withdrawal and delivery of meds) the process has changed.  We had to go to the chemo room for blood withdrawal.  While I was there, I questioned them on my responsibilities of maintaining the PICC line.  The 3 lines must be flushed daily and the dressing and caps changed weekly, they said.

When the home health folks came on Friday and Monday to train me and change the dressing, I was given different answers.  My concerns are having been told different things by the home health folks that came to "train" me.  When I ask a trained home health care professional a question that I think would be commonly asked, such as, "How often should the lines be flushed?"  "I don't know," is not what I want to be told.  After several more unanswered, or less than clear answers, I called our very competent nurses at Physician's East, in the chemo room.  With both of us having chemo, we have come to know them all very well.  Remember, I told you, it's like Cheers when we walk in.....everybody knows your name.

Anyway, they answered my questions and offered suggestions.  I will make sure the highly trained "health care professionals" do their job correctly when they return this Friday!  You can be assured my baby will have the care his is supposed to have.

Back to our original purpose, to get John's blood checked and X-Rays taken.  Blood work showed low hemoglobin and very low platelet count.  Platelets are those wonderful little fellas that cause your blood to clot.  Not having enough is very dangerous if something happens, so, John is now scheduled for a blood and platelet transfusion on Tuesday at 1 p.m.  While we were at Dr. Lee's office, they also took a blood sample that will be delivered to the hospital for cross matching so the correct type of blood will be infused.  That process must be done each time he has a transfusion because, having a transfusion can change the chemistry of his blood.  I didn't know that and I questioned why it had to be done everytime.  Seems as if you know what the blood type is, then, just hook him up and let'r rip.  Not quite that simple.  As I said, this has been a big learning curve for us and I hope it helps some of you too.  We can't all know everything, but we can learn more all the time.

So, we pull our wagon over to Pitt County Memorial Hospital to the Out Patient Services to get my baby gassed up with a few pints of "premium" soon.  Hopefully, that will help him and his body continue to heal from the negative effects of the chemotherapy treatment.

Stay tuned...
PCQ