I was visiting with a friend recently, and she told me about a serious medical issue her husband was having. She talked with me, tears rolling down her cheek, lamenting the fact that not everyone will understand how she or her husband feel. "You understand, you've been here, you have been on both sides. You had your own cancer diagnosis and all that goes along with it, and while you were sick, had to deal with your husband going through a horrible time, too," she said.
We talked about the process of being diagnosed with cancer. Not everyone handles it the same way. John and I both felt it best not to alarm anyone prematurely and to tell family and friends only after having all the facts. Everyone may not agree with this strategy. But why worry the very people you care so much about, with 'what ifs' when there is nothing they can do? Wait till you know.
Sometimes the facts are slow in coming and can give contradictions. Most of the time we know that the news may not be good, but we hold out hope that it will be. Isn't that our nature to hope for the best?
She and her husband haven't told anyone either....except me. I felt honored that she trusted me enough to share her journey. They'll have more information soon. When they do, they'll let the children and family know.
"I put you at the top of my list of women for my husband to 'consider' if something were to happen to me," she said. "If I were to die first, I want him to have someone that will look after him, you did such a great job for John. And the Lord knows he will need someone to look after him." I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled. But what an honor! She had thought about this, prayed over it, and was saying that she could trust me with one of her most valuable possessions, her dear sweet husband. What an honor!
When I first realized my cancer treatment options were evaporating, I was devastated. I might never see my daughters marry, hold my grandchildren, or grow old with John. When I would wake in the middle of the night, those thoughts would elbow their way to the front of the line. I started thinking about what John might do when I was no longer around. Would he remarry? How soon? Who would it be? Suddenly, every single woman that was in our life, became a potential "replacement". These thoughts may be silly to those of you who have never been through this, but I would guess it is probably very common. So, when she mentioned me being on her list, I understood.
We all want a happily ever after ending and it is my hope that none of you will ever have to think about your "list".
Wagon still rolling.
PCQ
