The door to John's room was open and we could see the activity in the hall. The move had begun. Lots of people, carts, and machines were being systematically moved, one room at the time. We were next. And it is not easy. Heart monitor, oxygen tank, IV pole, and oh yeah....the patient, had to be moved, hopefully with no negative impact. But that was my job. I kept checking his tubes to make sure he was still getting oxygen. One time it was unhooked for a move and reconnection was inadvertently missed. Didn't take long before John's oxygen levels started dropping. That's how we learn. Mistakes are made and we learn to not let that happen again. So, I was like a mother hen rushing around making sure my baby was just fine.
As the crow flies, it was not a great distance from the oncology ward to the Heart Institute, but going by way of the inner halls, it was quite a hike. Soon we were in room 603. And what a difference. The large windows were allowing the Monday morning sun to stream in. Lauren and I set about getting our nest made in this room and it was ever so much nicer. The nurses and care partners were scurrying around, finding their stations and getting things in order.
It was noisy, so I closed the door. There was so much activity in the halls and we were tired. Lauren left the room to make a few phone calls and John said, "Come sit on the bed with me." I sat beside of him and he held my hand. Out the large windows, we could see the top of the trees with their beautiful fall colors, what a wonderful sunny day. Off in the distance, the ECU football stadium.
"This is not the way I thought it would go down. I don't think I will live through the night," John said. I looked at him, confused. "What are you talking about? I know you feel bad, but give the new medications time to work," I said. "You have to allow a little bit of time." Tears were starting to stream down my face. As hard as I wanted to remain positive, I saw it too. But I was still hopeful that he would get better.
"I've gotten worse the past 5 days. I've looked after animals a long time and I know what happens when they are about to die. My kidneys aren't working right, my swelling is getting worse, the uric acid will build up. I just don't think he will be able to turn things around this time."
"Let's give the medicine a little more time, it's only been a few hours," I said pleading with him.
"Don't go your chemo treatment tomorrow, I'm going to need you here," he said.
"We can make that decision in the morning, right now, let's just focus on you getting better, okay?"
"It's been a good run, Boogie, we've had a good life, two beautiful girls, great friends. Don't think I could have asked for anyone to have been any better to me and you know I love you. You've sure gone above and beyond the past few months," he said.
"I wish I could have done more for you. You know I love you so much," I said.
"I know you do, I have never doubted that," he said.
Sometimes, during his illness, it seemed as though all I did was hurt him. Changing bandages, giving meds, draining his Pleurx catheter, flushing PICC lines, things that had to be done that most of the time involved pain. But they had to be done. Even the mundane rituals like brushing his teeth were painful. He had horrid sores on his tongue and gums. Just looking at them made me hurt, but he never complained and did his best to brush. And being the medical wimp that I am, it was sometimes difficult for me to do some of these things and John knew that. But it was even more difficult for him, but he never complained. He always thanked me for any task that I had done and though he wasn't able to help me any more, he would tell me to get the lotion and come sit by him and he would do the only things he was still able to do, rub lotion on my hands or feet. Chemotherapy can cause neuropathy in your hands and feet. John and I both had that, though John's was much worse than mine due to his swelling. It is exacerbated by a lot of walking or standing. Apparently, the medications given will leak out in the extremities and cause nerve endings to be impacted....and not in a good way. It is actually very common. Thankfully, mine would diminish some as time passed between treatments, though it never completely goes away. John's stayed constant and he was beginning to lose feeling in his feet. That caused him to be unsteady and I insisted he use the walker when he would get up.
We sat there holding hands, tears rolling down our cheeks, looking out the window. What do you say?
To be continued....
PCQ
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
PCMH - Continued
John was whisked away to his room with me and Lauren in tow. When we arrived on the floor, it was quiet, but the first person we saw was Darryl, one of his nurses on a prior visit. We called him Darryl and his other brother Darryl, from an old TV show, The Bob Newhart Show. Didn't take long before we were in the room....though getting his bed in took a bit of maneuvering due to the poor room design. Think I could have done a better design on one of my bad days.
Anyway, just as we were starting to make our nest, we were told the whole unit was moving that day. It was now, Monday, November 1st, and the Oncology ward was being moved to the Heart Institute so it could get a much needed renovation. Was I happy? Yes, but my biggest concern was making sure John was taken care of during this move and transition. So easy for little things to fall between the cracks when there are distractions. And a M.A.S.H. style move would be a major distraction.
By now it was nearly 5 a.m. The room was small and there was only one chair that would recline, so Lauren grabbed a pillow and blanket and went looking for a quiet place to rest. John was comfortable in a real bed. The beds in the ER are smaller and less accommodating, but they allow for the needs of the ER. I took a blanket and pillow and did my best to get comfy in the one chair in the room. I was by the window and as I lay there saying my prayers, I looked out across the parking lot. With the street lights, I could see people walking to their cars, delivery trucks coming and going. The world was getting ready to wake up. As I watched and thought, it occurred to me, I didn't know where Lauren went. Suppose something happens and I need to find her right away? I quietly got up and wandered down the hall to the rooms that were once the oncology waiting rooms and conference areas. They were all empty and dark in anticipation of the move. Finally, through a window I caught a glimpse of a crumpled, while blanket with a wisp of red hair falling out over the pillow. I'd found my baby and she seemed to be asleep.
I went back to the room. John was still quiet so I gently slipped back into my chair, arranged my pillow and blanket and drifted off to sleep. Didn't take long for the quiet to be interrupted. I mean we were in the hospital, and it is no place to get rest. Darryl was checking to make sure everything was ready for the move. He rummaged through the cabinets, unhooked some stuff from the walls, and piled it all on John's bed. Then off he went. I looked at John, "If you need to go to the bathroom, you'd best do it soon before you are completely covered with hospital equipment."
Lauren came in and went over to the chair by the window. "Can I crash here a bit, they are moving stuff in the hallway and I couldn't get back to sleep." "Sure, go ahead and rest, I have a few emails to send," I said.
There was a small chair on the other side of John's bed, so I sat there. Soon, Lauren was napping in the chair. The morning sun was picking up the red highlights in her hair. I couldn't help but notice John. He was laying in the bed looking at her. She did look so sweet cuddled there. I guess as parents, we are lucky enough to have all those wonderful memories stored away of when they were small and needed us so much. Looking at her resting, it was almost like a flashback to 30 years ago when she was still our "little girl". But now she is an adult, teaching other adults at the university, and we are so proud of her. But I looked at John. He just stared at her. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but thought it best to let him enjoy looking at his baby.
Breakfast trays were soon delivered, the day began. John's doctor came by and talked with us. He was changing some medications and would check back later in the day and he left. Lauren was not happy with the questions I asked and the answers I received. I encouraged her to go find him and clear up her concerns. And she did. She was upset, her dad was sick and she wanted to know more. John and I certainly understood her frustration. Guess we were conditioned to all of this, we had been going non stop, bombarded by things that had to be done, decisions that had to be made, learning all we could, and we didn't like any of it either. Makes you want to wrap yourself up in the tin foil of life and hope it will protect you. Life is quite different when you step into the "cancer world". You just look at things, react to things, differently. You don't have any other choice.
Before long, the move began. Our wagon was being pulled again.
To be continued....
PCQ
Anyway, just as we were starting to make our nest, we were told the whole unit was moving that day. It was now, Monday, November 1st, and the Oncology ward was being moved to the Heart Institute so it could get a much needed renovation. Was I happy? Yes, but my biggest concern was making sure John was taken care of during this move and transition. So easy for little things to fall between the cracks when there are distractions. And a M.A.S.H. style move would be a major distraction.
By now it was nearly 5 a.m. The room was small and there was only one chair that would recline, so Lauren grabbed a pillow and blanket and went looking for a quiet place to rest. John was comfortable in a real bed. The beds in the ER are smaller and less accommodating, but they allow for the needs of the ER. I took a blanket and pillow and did my best to get comfy in the one chair in the room. I was by the window and as I lay there saying my prayers, I looked out across the parking lot. With the street lights, I could see people walking to their cars, delivery trucks coming and going. The world was getting ready to wake up. As I watched and thought, it occurred to me, I didn't know where Lauren went. Suppose something happens and I need to find her right away? I quietly got up and wandered down the hall to the rooms that were once the oncology waiting rooms and conference areas. They were all empty and dark in anticipation of the move. Finally, through a window I caught a glimpse of a crumpled, while blanket with a wisp of red hair falling out over the pillow. I'd found my baby and she seemed to be asleep.
I went back to the room. John was still quiet so I gently slipped back into my chair, arranged my pillow and blanket and drifted off to sleep. Didn't take long for the quiet to be interrupted. I mean we were in the hospital, and it is no place to get rest. Darryl was checking to make sure everything was ready for the move. He rummaged through the cabinets, unhooked some stuff from the walls, and piled it all on John's bed. Then off he went. I looked at John, "If you need to go to the bathroom, you'd best do it soon before you are completely covered with hospital equipment."
Lauren came in and went over to the chair by the window. "Can I crash here a bit, they are moving stuff in the hallway and I couldn't get back to sleep." "Sure, go ahead and rest, I have a few emails to send," I said.
There was a small chair on the other side of John's bed, so I sat there. Soon, Lauren was napping in the chair. The morning sun was picking up the red highlights in her hair. I couldn't help but notice John. He was laying in the bed looking at her. She did look so sweet cuddled there. I guess as parents, we are lucky enough to have all those wonderful memories stored away of when they were small and needed us so much. Looking at her resting, it was almost like a flashback to 30 years ago when she was still our "little girl". But now she is an adult, teaching other adults at the university, and we are so proud of her. But I looked at John. He just stared at her. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but thought it best to let him enjoy looking at his baby.
Breakfast trays were soon delivered, the day began. John's doctor came by and talked with us. He was changing some medications and would check back later in the day and he left. Lauren was not happy with the questions I asked and the answers I received. I encouraged her to go find him and clear up her concerns. And she did. She was upset, her dad was sick and she wanted to know more. John and I certainly understood her frustration. Guess we were conditioned to all of this, we had been going non stop, bombarded by things that had to be done, decisions that had to be made, learning all we could, and we didn't like any of it either. Makes you want to wrap yourself up in the tin foil of life and hope it will protect you. Life is quite different when you step into the "cancer world". You just look at things, react to things, differently. You don't have any other choice.
Before long, the move began. Our wagon was being pulled again.
To be continued....
PCQ
Monday, November 22, 2010
PCMH
It was 12:00 midnight and we were on our way to the hospital. When we drove away, I usually look at the house and hope I will bring John back safe and sound soon. Strange, that night I didn't look.
John was doing okay on the way to the hospital and other than a HP traffic stop at the Greene-Pitt County line, all went well. When we stopped, Lauren was rummaging through my purse trying to find my license. I thought about telling the officer it was an emergency and we were on our way to the hospital, but I didn't know if that would create more drama, so I just dug out my license and started to hand it to him. Before I got it completely out, he said, "I see them Ms. Adams, you can go on." Lauren said to me, "He must have known who you are, you didn't even get your license all the way out of the holder." It didn't matter, all I wanted to do was get my baby to the hospital.
When we arrived at the hospital, Lauren ran in and told them we needed help getting John out. Two burly men appeared and in no time, John was in a wheelchair headed to the ER. I parked the car and rushed inside. Lauren was giving them his information, John had already been taken to the ER. Once I came in, I was directed to a lady to finish his check in. I hadn't had to do this before, so I was a little flummoxed by why I had to do it now. "We just left this morning," I said, when she asked me for our address. She entered it and then asked for phone number and other information. I queried her again, "You should have all of this information, we just checked out this morning." She asked me about who our insurance was with and if finally occurred to me, she has the wrong person pulled up. After getting that all straightened out, I rushed back to be with John and Lauren.
The ER swat team had already started. Taking temperature, blood pressure, blood samples, (again, they were happy he had a PICC line, saves them lots of work), swabbing Mersa samples from his nose, doing X-Rays, getting information into the system, hooking him up to an EKG machine and putting those awful little sticky receptors on. John was doing well giving them his vitals and as before, he would ask about our friend, Jonsie, a nurse there. But she was on vacation to the islands, he had forgotten.
Before long, the initial frenzy was over, now we wait for the blood tests, x-ray results, and anything else. They had put John on 100% oxygen and it had eased his labored breathing and we all sat there looking at each other. One of the nurses came in, it was a "he", very personable and smart. John was in good hands.
But it was Halloween, where were all the crazies we thought we would see? About that time, a stretcher goes by with a young man with face paint on. Guess it was starting. "We thought this place would be a zoo tonight, where is everyone?" I said. "Won't start till around 2:30 a.m. when all the bars close. We have about 20 doctors and medical personnel stationed at strategic locations downtown to try and get some of them helped before they come to the hospital," he said. "With Halloween being on Sunday night, it may be a little better, we had quite a few in here last night."
John was resting comfortably now, so to entertain ourselves, Lauren and I kept watch for 'trick or treaters'.
Before long, the doctor came in with the test results. Nothing major to report, potassium levels were a little off, x-ray looked good, heart okay. Starting prednisone, an antibiotic as he could be developing pneumonia, get a breathing treatment, maybe some Lasix to help with swelling in his legs and feet, major issue was his oxygen level. Of course now, his levels were good, but he was on 100% oxygen. Not good, would need to that down to a normal level.
By now it was nearly 4 a.m., time flies when you are having fun. They told us he would be assigned to a room soon.....in the "ghetto ward'. Unfortunately, the oncology or cancer ward, was in the old section of the hospital. The staff there is wonderful, but the rooms are small and ill designed. So, after John's first hospital stay in the new and very impressive Heart Institute...our tax money at work, I might add, we were spoiled. Moving from the large, well appointed rooms at the Heart Institute (the Palace is the name given by staff) to the Oncology Ward was like going from the executive suite at the Marriott to Motel 6, no comparison. So, we had started calling it affectionately, the "ghetto ward". His doctors even teased him and called it that too. But, we would have a room for him and maybe everyone could rest.
To be continued....
PCQ
John was doing okay on the way to the hospital and other than a HP traffic stop at the Greene-Pitt County line, all went well. When we stopped, Lauren was rummaging through my purse trying to find my license. I thought about telling the officer it was an emergency and we were on our way to the hospital, but I didn't know if that would create more drama, so I just dug out my license and started to hand it to him. Before I got it completely out, he said, "I see them Ms. Adams, you can go on." Lauren said to me, "He must have known who you are, you didn't even get your license all the way out of the holder." It didn't matter, all I wanted to do was get my baby to the hospital.
When we arrived at the hospital, Lauren ran in and told them we needed help getting John out. Two burly men appeared and in no time, John was in a wheelchair headed to the ER. I parked the car and rushed inside. Lauren was giving them his information, John had already been taken to the ER. Once I came in, I was directed to a lady to finish his check in. I hadn't had to do this before, so I was a little flummoxed by why I had to do it now. "We just left this morning," I said, when she asked me for our address. She entered it and then asked for phone number and other information. I queried her again, "You should have all of this information, we just checked out this morning." She asked me about who our insurance was with and if finally occurred to me, she has the wrong person pulled up. After getting that all straightened out, I rushed back to be with John and Lauren.
The ER swat team had already started. Taking temperature, blood pressure, blood samples, (again, they were happy he had a PICC line, saves them lots of work), swabbing Mersa samples from his nose, doing X-Rays, getting information into the system, hooking him up to an EKG machine and putting those awful little sticky receptors on. John was doing well giving them his vitals and as before, he would ask about our friend, Jonsie, a nurse there. But she was on vacation to the islands, he had forgotten.
Before long, the initial frenzy was over, now we wait for the blood tests, x-ray results, and anything else. They had put John on 100% oxygen and it had eased his labored breathing and we all sat there looking at each other. One of the nurses came in, it was a "he", very personable and smart. John was in good hands.
But it was Halloween, where were all the crazies we thought we would see? About that time, a stretcher goes by with a young man with face paint on. Guess it was starting. "We thought this place would be a zoo tonight, where is everyone?" I said. "Won't start till around 2:30 a.m. when all the bars close. We have about 20 doctors and medical personnel stationed at strategic locations downtown to try and get some of them helped before they come to the hospital," he said. "With Halloween being on Sunday night, it may be a little better, we had quite a few in here last night."
John was resting comfortably now, so to entertain ourselves, Lauren and I kept watch for 'trick or treaters'.
Before long, the doctor came in with the test results. Nothing major to report, potassium levels were a little off, x-ray looked good, heart okay. Starting prednisone, an antibiotic as he could be developing pneumonia, get a breathing treatment, maybe some Lasix to help with swelling in his legs and feet, major issue was his oxygen level. Of course now, his levels were good, but he was on 100% oxygen. Not good, would need to that down to a normal level.
By now it was nearly 4 a.m., time flies when you are having fun. They told us he would be assigned to a room soon.....in the "ghetto ward'. Unfortunately, the oncology or cancer ward, was in the old section of the hospital. The staff there is wonderful, but the rooms are small and ill designed. So, after John's first hospital stay in the new and very impressive Heart Institute...our tax money at work, I might add, we were spoiled. Moving from the large, well appointed rooms at the Heart Institute (the Palace is the name given by staff) to the Oncology Ward was like going from the executive suite at the Marriott to Motel 6, no comparison. So, we had started calling it affectionately, the "ghetto ward". His doctors even teased him and called it that too. But, we would have a room for him and maybe everyone could rest.
To be continued....
PCQ
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Songs
It is impressive how songs can instantly transport us back to a happy or sad time. Not all songs, just special ones.
That happened to me yesterday.
It started out a little shaky as I wasn't feeling well. Lots of nausea on Thursday and didn't sleep well. Leslie was coming with her two ankle biters and I was so excited about the visit, but, would I feel good enough to have fun with them? I deliberated calling her to postpone the date, but, I decided it would be best to just stay on course and if I wasn't feeling any better when they arrived, Leslie would understand.
We had a wonderful visit, no crying from me or the children. We had a great time, eating lunch, making stuff, and looking at photos from summer. I really surprised myself. We even watched a video with John getting the dog's ball out from under the pier on our pond. Soon, they had to leave.
Later, friends came over to bring a chair. Another good time, good memories.
Then the phone rang, let's have dinner at O'Cool's tonight. Sure, see you there. Would I be able to go and not cry the whole time? Friday nights at O'Cool's had been something John and I had enjoyed with friends many times. This would be my first time without him. Luckily, there were lots of friends there and everyone had so many stories and things to share, I managed to make it through the evening with no major episode.
But on the way home, listening to the Oldies station and Stevie Wonder came on singing, "Yester me, Yester you, Yesterday". You can listen and cry along with me at the link below.
Stevie Wonder Singing "Yesterday"
As soon as the first note played, the tears welled up in my eyes. The song made me miss John so much. I was instantly transported back to the day we found out about his cancer and how dire our situation was. It was a beautiful sunny, fall, day. John was driving home, "the back way", as I call it, so I could see the big field of sunflowers. He knew it made me happy to ride by and see those little yellow heads, all pointing in the same direction as the sun, hence the name, Sunflowers. (Also, did you know when they mature, they stop turning and all point east?)
We were both quiet, thinking about what we had just heard, trying to take it all in. Stevie Wonder's song came on the radio. I have always loved Stevie Wonder. He was born less than a month before me and his songs define my high school and college days. Can't hear his old songs without a flood of memories.....and so it was that day. But the song took on a different meaning this time. Every word, every line seemed to say what I was feeling. What happened to....the world we knew....
What happened to the world we knew
When we would dream and scheme
And while the time away
Yesterme yesteryou yesterday
Where did it go that yester glow
When we could feel
The wheel of life turn our way
Yesterme yesteryou yesterday
I had a dream so did you life
Was warm and love was true
Two kids who followed all the rules
Yester folls and now
Now it seems those yester dreams
Were just a cruel
And foolish game we used to play
Yesterme yesteryou yesterday
When I recall what we had
I feel lost I feel sad with nothing but
The memory of yester love and now
Now it seems those yester dreams
Were just a cruel
And foolish game we had to play
Yesterme yesteryou yesterday
Yesterme yesteryou yesterday
Sing with me
Yesterme yesteryou yesterday
One more time....
As the song played on the radio, the tears rolled down my cheeks. I turned my head to look out the window so John wouldn't see me crying. The sun was bright and I tried so hard to be strong but Stevie's words were wrapping around my heart and I knew my life...our life, was in for a big change, one I didn't like. I could see the future I imagined with John melting away.
I reached over and touched John's big strong arm. "I love you," I said. He looked at me and saw the tears. "I know you do, Sweetheart, I've never doubted that. I love you, too." He gently wiped a tear coming down my cheek. "We'll make it through all of this, don't you worry," he said.
Soon we rounded the corner and there were the sunflowers. All smiling at me. Yes, the world would go on. The sun will come up tomorrow, but I will never forget the love I saw in his eyes.
But "when I recall, I had a dream, so did you, was warm and love was true....I feel lost...I feel sad....yester me, yester you, yesterday."
PCQ
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Tears
It doesn't take much to make me cry. Keep thinking it will get better and I am sure it will, just hasn't happened yet.
It's little things that before would not have even brought on a sigh....now bring tears. John's toothbrush, his sunglasses on the dash of the car, all seemingly insignificant before, but not now.
I was in Snow Hill yesterday when our friendly UPS man saw me. He stopped and jumped out of the truck and came to greet me. He gave me a hug, said he was so sorry and told me what a wonderful man John was. Luckily, he was back in his brown truck and on to his next stop before he saw my tears.
PCQ
It's little things that before would not have even brought on a sigh....now bring tears. John's toothbrush, his sunglasses on the dash of the car, all seemingly insignificant before, but not now.
I was in Snow Hill yesterday when our friendly UPS man saw me. He stopped and jumped out of the truck and came to greet me. He gave me a hug, said he was so sorry and told me what a wonderful man John was. Luckily, he was back in his brown truck and on to his next stop before he saw my tears.
PCQ
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Halloween
Sunday was Halloween. Lauren was sure we would have a few trick or treaters that night. She asked if we had any candy to give out on the way to the hospital to get John. He had already sent me a text saying, "Come get me out of here." We were on our way.
He was checked out and home by early afternoon and before long, we were all napping. In retrospect, that afternoon nap turned out to be very important. Don't know how I would have made it through the next few days if I hadn't been able to get some rest that day.
The Pittsburgh Steelers were on Sunday Night Football. We have been Steelers fans since Lauren lived in Pittsburgh during graduate school at Carnegie Mellon. Pittsburgh is a great city and you can't embrace it properly without falling into the Steelers culture..... and they had those wonderful Super Bowl wins! Pittsburgh was playing the New Orleans Saints and it was Halloween. What a great game to watch with all the folks dressed up, I mean it is New Orleans and it doesn't take much to start a party in that city.
About half way through the game, John said he didn't feel right. I got the thermometer, he wasn't running a fever, wasn't even up to normal. I put the pressure cuff on on him....his blood pressure was a little low but not out of range. "Something is wrong, I don't know what it is but I just don't feel right," he said, "I think I need to go to the hospital." I was confused. We had just gotten home from the hospital. Everything was fine. The doctors all told him he was doing good. "Are you in pain?" I asked. "No, I just don't feel right, when I breathe, I don't seem to be able to get enough oxygen in," he said. "Well, I don't think we should go to the hospital without more symptoms," I said. Lauren and I scurried around trying to do things to make him feel better, but nothing worked. Finally, it occurred to me, John never complained and if his body was telling him something was wrong, then something must be really wrong. He wanted me to call the doctor, but I told him, we didn't have to call the doctor, if he thought he needed to go to the hospital, then all we had to do was get in the truck and go. During all of this, he seemed to be getting weaker and his blood pressure was dropping. Lauren and I rushed about, getting things in place before leaving.
We were ready to leave, but John couldn't stand up. His legs and feet had swollen even more and made the neuropathy worse. We tried to get him up but it wasn't working, his legs were just too weak to hold him. I was really concerned now. We pulled out the computer chair again, somehow managed to get him in it, and rolled him out to the back deck. I had pulled the Tahoe around to the steps by the back porch. We had him at the steps, but his legs just weren't strong enough to hold him. What were we going to do? Lauren and I could try to get him down, but I'm not supposed to strain my back because of the location of the tumor on my spine. And we didn't want to let him fall and cause more problems than we already were facing. We were in a pickle and we just stopped and looked at one another.
It was 11:30 and too late to call neighbors to help. Our only option now was to call 911. So I did. Thankfully, they arrived in about 10 minutes. While we were waiting, I was getting the dogs locked up in the laundry room so they wouldn't be a problem. Lauren was looking after John, making sure he was warm and in as little distress as possible. When our helpers, Shannon and Michael arrived, they assessed the situation and said they had a "stair chair" that would be perfect. Basically, they got John into the thin chair, which has wheels in all the right places, and strapped him in. Down the steps he went with ease.
I told them we could ferry him to the hospital and save them some gas and time. All we needed was help getting him in the Tahoe. So, that was our next challenge. But this was not their first rodeo and they got John right up beside the vehicle, worked out their plan and next thing we knew, he was sitting in the front seat ready to go. John teased them and said, "Bet I'm the biggest thing you have lifted today." Michael replied quickly, "You are the lightest patient I have picked up today, believe it or not. Most everyone has been way too heavy."
We thanked them for being so courteous and caring and sent them on their way. Next stop for us....after freeing the puppies from the laundry room, PCMH.
PCQ
He was checked out and home by early afternoon and before long, we were all napping. In retrospect, that afternoon nap turned out to be very important. Don't know how I would have made it through the next few days if I hadn't been able to get some rest that day.
The Pittsburgh Steelers were on Sunday Night Football. We have been Steelers fans since Lauren lived in Pittsburgh during graduate school at Carnegie Mellon. Pittsburgh is a great city and you can't embrace it properly without falling into the Steelers culture..... and they had those wonderful Super Bowl wins! Pittsburgh was playing the New Orleans Saints and it was Halloween. What a great game to watch with all the folks dressed up, I mean it is New Orleans and it doesn't take much to start a party in that city.
About half way through the game, John said he didn't feel right. I got the thermometer, he wasn't running a fever, wasn't even up to normal. I put the pressure cuff on on him....his blood pressure was a little low but not out of range. "Something is wrong, I don't know what it is but I just don't feel right," he said, "I think I need to go to the hospital." I was confused. We had just gotten home from the hospital. Everything was fine. The doctors all told him he was doing good. "Are you in pain?" I asked. "No, I just don't feel right, when I breathe, I don't seem to be able to get enough oxygen in," he said. "Well, I don't think we should go to the hospital without more symptoms," I said. Lauren and I scurried around trying to do things to make him feel better, but nothing worked. Finally, it occurred to me, John never complained and if his body was telling him something was wrong, then something must be really wrong. He wanted me to call the doctor, but I told him, we didn't have to call the doctor, if he thought he needed to go to the hospital, then all we had to do was get in the truck and go. During all of this, he seemed to be getting weaker and his blood pressure was dropping. Lauren and I rushed about, getting things in place before leaving.
We were ready to leave, but John couldn't stand up. His legs and feet had swollen even more and made the neuropathy worse. We tried to get him up but it wasn't working, his legs were just too weak to hold him. I was really concerned now. We pulled out the computer chair again, somehow managed to get him in it, and rolled him out to the back deck. I had pulled the Tahoe around to the steps by the back porch. We had him at the steps, but his legs just weren't strong enough to hold him. What were we going to do? Lauren and I could try to get him down, but I'm not supposed to strain my back because of the location of the tumor on my spine. And we didn't want to let him fall and cause more problems than we already were facing. We were in a pickle and we just stopped and looked at one another.
It was 11:30 and too late to call neighbors to help. Our only option now was to call 911. So I did. Thankfully, they arrived in about 10 minutes. While we were waiting, I was getting the dogs locked up in the laundry room so they wouldn't be a problem. Lauren was looking after John, making sure he was warm and in as little distress as possible. When our helpers, Shannon and Michael arrived, they assessed the situation and said they had a "stair chair" that would be perfect. Basically, they got John into the thin chair, which has wheels in all the right places, and strapped him in. Down the steps he went with ease.
I told them we could ferry him to the hospital and save them some gas and time. All we needed was help getting him in the Tahoe. So, that was our next challenge. But this was not their first rodeo and they got John right up beside the vehicle, worked out their plan and next thing we knew, he was sitting in the front seat ready to go. John teased them and said, "Bet I'm the biggest thing you have lifted today." Michael replied quickly, "You are the lightest patient I have picked up today, believe it or not. Most everyone has been way too heavy."
We thanked them for being so courteous and caring and sent them on their way. Next stop for us....after freeing the puppies from the laundry room, PCMH.
PCQ
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Checking In
We got checked in to the Emergency Room around 3:30 and John was whisked away while I finished the paperwork. By now, I have learned their SWAT team routine; get him assigned to a room, assess the situation, hook up to EKG, get vitals, listen to heart and breathing, get X-Rays, take blood, start oxygen (depending on situation) and start an IV. Of course, I was slurping on my milkshake during all of this....and yes, John helped me with it.
Doesn't take them too long to determine what may be the issue du jour. Today, obviously, the excessive heart rate was something that had to be dealt with, but was there anything else going on? The rapid heart rate had happened before, so I was prepared for the procedure. Basically what happens is this, they hook him up to several machines and then injected a drug into his IV that would shock the heart into a proper cadence. The doctor told him his heart would "feel" like it was stopping, but it wouldn't, and it would only take approximately 20 seconds. At least that is what he said. About 15 people were in the small room watching the procedure. Apparently, this must be something that isn't done very often and it was a learning experience.
As the drug was administered, I placed my hand around John's. I could see the monitor and was watching the heart rate, still around 160. It took only 3 or 4 seconds before the heart rate dropped like a rock and settled around 85. As soon as it was over, the doctor asked John if he was okay. "Sure," he said, "it was like going over the big drop on a roller coaster." After John's heart rate stabilized, everyone cleared out except the nurse.
John being John, figured the mechanic had fixed the car and it was time to pay up and go home. But, the doctor told him he would like to keep him overnight just to monitor his condition and if all went well, he would be released first thing Sunday morning. So, off he goes to the Heart Center for the night. John saw this as an opportunity for PCMH to fill their coffers and an empty bed for the night, but, he did make the decision to stay.
During all of this, I had been communicating with Lauren on her flight from St. Louis. She had a long lay over in Charlotte and was scheduled to arrive at PGV airport around 11:30 that night. Luckily, she signed up for standby and was able to get on an earlier flight and was due in around 9:15. That was great news, she would be able to spend more time with John. He wanted me to leave soon cause the flights are usually early into Greenville, so, while John was being whisked to his room in the Heart Center, I scurried over to the airport to retrieve my baby girl, and yes, the flight was early, just like John said. John asked me to pick up a Wendy's hamburger and fries while I was out, so after picking her up, we stopped and got him a burger. He sent us a text and let us know he was in Room 517. It was a joyous reunion, Lauren was home, John was feeling good and we sat on the bed with him, talked, and munched on our goodies from Wendy's.
Soon, it was time to go home. It was late, he was doing fine, and John needed his rest. And if all went well, he would be home tomorrow.
PCQ
Doesn't take them too long to determine what may be the issue du jour. Today, obviously, the excessive heart rate was something that had to be dealt with, but was there anything else going on? The rapid heart rate had happened before, so I was prepared for the procedure. Basically what happens is this, they hook him up to several machines and then injected a drug into his IV that would shock the heart into a proper cadence. The doctor told him his heart would "feel" like it was stopping, but it wouldn't, and it would only take approximately 20 seconds. At least that is what he said. About 15 people were in the small room watching the procedure. Apparently, this must be something that isn't done very often and it was a learning experience.
As the drug was administered, I placed my hand around John's. I could see the monitor and was watching the heart rate, still around 160. It took only 3 or 4 seconds before the heart rate dropped like a rock and settled around 85. As soon as it was over, the doctor asked John if he was okay. "Sure," he said, "it was like going over the big drop on a roller coaster." After John's heart rate stabilized, everyone cleared out except the nurse.
John being John, figured the mechanic had fixed the car and it was time to pay up and go home. But, the doctor told him he would like to keep him overnight just to monitor his condition and if all went well, he would be released first thing Sunday morning. So, off he goes to the Heart Center for the night. John saw this as an opportunity for PCMH to fill their coffers and an empty bed for the night, but, he did make the decision to stay.
During all of this, I had been communicating with Lauren on her flight from St. Louis. She had a long lay over in Charlotte and was scheduled to arrive at PGV airport around 11:30 that night. Luckily, she signed up for standby and was able to get on an earlier flight and was due in around 9:15. That was great news, she would be able to spend more time with John. He wanted me to leave soon cause the flights are usually early into Greenville, so, while John was being whisked to his room in the Heart Center, I scurried over to the airport to retrieve my baby girl, and yes, the flight was early, just like John said. John asked me to pick up a Wendy's hamburger and fries while I was out, so after picking her up, we stopped and got him a burger. He sent us a text and let us know he was in Room 517. It was a joyous reunion, Lauren was home, John was feeling good and we sat on the bed with him, talked, and munched on our goodies from Wendy's.
Soon, it was time to go home. It was late, he was doing fine, and John needed his rest. And if all went well, he would be home tomorrow.
PCQ
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Remembering
I write this to remember. It has been a difficult journey and I know it will be harder without John's big, strong, hands holding me up. John always made me feel special....his "bride".
Saturday started as a beautiful day. John and I had lots of things that needed to be done because Lauren was flying in from St. Louis that evening. Though he was having trouble with swelling in his legs and feet, his health seemed to be improving. The mass in his lung had decreased by 3 cm., a significant change, and his breathing was so much better. I hadn't said much about all of that on the blog as he wanted to tell Meredith and Lauren himself...to finally be able to give them some good news.
I was in the garage working on getting the furnace closet in order. Yes, our furnace had to be replaced during all of this. John had it serviced when the weather changed and the inspector told him there was a CO2 leak in the unit and he had to shut it down until it was repaired. Luckily, we have two separate units, one for each end of the house.....and, the weather cooperated, we didn't have any cold weather during the installation process. The new unit was installed and completed that Friday. "Don't pay for the furnace till the inspector comes and says everything has been installed properly," he said.
Fall Saturdays are football days and John already had his line up. A beautiful, crisp, day and plenty of good football. Only thing that could possibly make it better for him was to be with friends at the river. But Lauren was coming and he was already planning dinner for her on Sunday.
Saturday afternoon, while I was working on getting the furnace closet clean and back in order, John came to the door and said he felt like his heart was beating too fast, would I come check it? We have a blood pressure cuff and it will give the heart rate also. I sat down with him and put the cuff on. 158 beats per minute! What was going on? I tried it again, 163. A normal range is around 60-70 beats per minute when resting. I called the doctor, he thought maybe John was dehydrated and it was causing his heart to work harder. "Have him drink plenty of fluids and continue to monitor his heart rate. If it hasn't slowed within an hour, call me. We may need to get him to the hospital," the doctor said. John was having problems with staying hydrated, so I lined the Gatorade up and he started chugging. Maybe that would do it, but I was still worried.
John had several chores on the farm that needed to be completed and once something was on his mind, it had to be done. Checque helped on the farm as needed and stopped by after lunch to check in. Poor Checque, in broken English, he asked how John was doing and I just fell apart, tears and sobbing. He stood there seemingly helpless, but wanting to do something. He wanted to see John, but I told him John didn't feel well. He comforted me and said he would come back soon.
I tried not to worry while we waited, but there was fear, his heart couldn't continue at this intense rate. We periodically checked his heart rate and nothing changed. After an hour, we called the doctor again and off we go to the hospital.
While driving to the emergency room, I had a craving for a milkshake, we had missed lunch. John had been drinking lots of shakes the past few days because they soothed his throat, had lots of calories, and were just plain good. All of which he needed since having the radiation to his throat and chest. So, when he got one, I did too. And I really wanted one. "Go on and get a milkshake, 2 more minutes won't make a difference," he said. So we quickly zipped through McDonald's and I got a vanilla milkshake. As soon as we drove out, he laughed and said, "I can't wait to tell everybody we were on our way to the Emergency Room, my heart racing, and you went to McDonald's drive thru for a milkshake."
To be continued....
PCQ
Saturday started as a beautiful day. John and I had lots of things that needed to be done because Lauren was flying in from St. Louis that evening. Though he was having trouble with swelling in his legs and feet, his health seemed to be improving. The mass in his lung had decreased by 3 cm., a significant change, and his breathing was so much better. I hadn't said much about all of that on the blog as he wanted to tell Meredith and Lauren himself...to finally be able to give them some good news.
I was in the garage working on getting the furnace closet in order. Yes, our furnace had to be replaced during all of this. John had it serviced when the weather changed and the inspector told him there was a CO2 leak in the unit and he had to shut it down until it was repaired. Luckily, we have two separate units, one for each end of the house.....and, the weather cooperated, we didn't have any cold weather during the installation process. The new unit was installed and completed that Friday. "Don't pay for the furnace till the inspector comes and says everything has been installed properly," he said.
Fall Saturdays are football days and John already had his line up. A beautiful, crisp, day and plenty of good football. Only thing that could possibly make it better for him was to be with friends at the river. But Lauren was coming and he was already planning dinner for her on Sunday.
Saturday afternoon, while I was working on getting the furnace closet clean and back in order, John came to the door and said he felt like his heart was beating too fast, would I come check it? We have a blood pressure cuff and it will give the heart rate also. I sat down with him and put the cuff on. 158 beats per minute! What was going on? I tried it again, 163. A normal range is around 60-70 beats per minute when resting. I called the doctor, he thought maybe John was dehydrated and it was causing his heart to work harder. "Have him drink plenty of fluids and continue to monitor his heart rate. If it hasn't slowed within an hour, call me. We may need to get him to the hospital," the doctor said. John was having problems with staying hydrated, so I lined the Gatorade up and he started chugging. Maybe that would do it, but I was still worried.
John had several chores on the farm that needed to be completed and once something was on his mind, it had to be done. Checque helped on the farm as needed and stopped by after lunch to check in. Poor Checque, in broken English, he asked how John was doing and I just fell apart, tears and sobbing. He stood there seemingly helpless, but wanting to do something. He wanted to see John, but I told him John didn't feel well. He comforted me and said he would come back soon.
I tried not to worry while we waited, but there was fear, his heart couldn't continue at this intense rate. We periodically checked his heart rate and nothing changed. After an hour, we called the doctor again and off we go to the hospital.
While driving to the emergency room, I had a craving for a milkshake, we had missed lunch. John had been drinking lots of shakes the past few days because they soothed his throat, had lots of calories, and were just plain good. All of which he needed since having the radiation to his throat and chest. So, when he got one, I did too. And I really wanted one. "Go on and get a milkshake, 2 more minutes won't make a difference," he said. So we quickly zipped through McDonald's and I got a vanilla milkshake. As soon as we drove out, he laughed and said, "I can't wait to tell everybody we were on our way to the Emergency Room, my heart racing, and you went to McDonald's drive thru for a milkshake."
To be continued....
PCQ
Thursday, November 4, 2010
John Quincy Adams V
John Quincy Adams V
August 3, 1949 – November 2, 2010
John Quincy Adams, V, a wonderful father, husband, and brother passed away peacefully on the evening of November 2, 2010, surrounded by family and friends.
John’s life was cut short by cancer, but the years he lived were rich and full. He walked the Great Wall of China, had dinner in Cuba with Castro, was entertained at the White House, traveled with the President of Mexico and played a mean Bocce ball game. John could never be still and was always ready to serve and get the job done.
He was an active member of the Greene County Extension Service Advisory Board for 18 years, a 4-H leader, and recently named to the NC Extension Advisory Board. He received the Governor’s Award for community service and the NC Outstanding Pork Producer Award. John served as a NC Barbeque Judge, one of the first to be appointed and recognized. Later, he became a Certifier of New BBQ Judges, and was instrumental in laying the groundwork for the certification process for BBQ judges in North Carolina.
John served on the N C Pork Council as a board of director for nearly 30 years and was president of the N.C. Pork Council (1987). He was also a member of the N. C. Ag Advancement Consortium (2002-present) U.S. Meat Export Federation Board of Directors (2002-2008), appointed by the U.S. Department of Agriculture secretary to director of National Pork Board and a member of the N.C. State University Ag Foundation Board (2010), Eastern Food Board of Directors (1994-1998).
Calvary Memorial United Methodist Church was his church home and he loved everyone there and so appreciated the kindness shown to him during his illness.
John loved NC State University and graduated in 1971. He was an active member of the Greene County community since moving to Snow Hill in 1975 from his home county of Beaufort. His many friends will remember him for being quick to laugh, smile, and always ready to roast a pig on special occasions. He loved to cook bacon, or “pig candy” as he called it, for hours at the beach so everyone could have that cherished BLT on the porch overlooking the ocean!
John was a loving husband, father, and brother, who is survived by his wife of 35 years, Patricia Lee Adams of Snow Hill, and his daughters, Meredith Adams, Executive Chef of Eurasia Café in Mt. Pleasant, SC and Lauren Adams, Assistant Professor at Washington University, in St. Louis, MO. His nickname, given by his girls, was “Daddy Wild Root” and would always sign correspondence, “DWR”. He is also survived by his sister, Barbara Adams of Washington, NC; Gale Mayberry and husband, Wally Mayberry; brother, Harry Adams, Jr. and wife, Dianna; a very special mother-in-law, Geraldine Lee, that he loved dearly, especially her fried chicken and cornbread; brother in law, Parlie Lee Jr., and wife Kim; sister in law, Michelle Lee Barbour and husband, Michael. Dear nieces and nephews include, Brandon Barbour, Madison Barbour, Pamela Lee, Preston Lee, and Stephanie Hale. He was preceded in death by his father, Harry Adams, and mother, Margaret Wood Adams.
A memorial service will be held on Saturday, November 6, at 11:00 am at Calvary Memorial with visitation immediately following the service in the Fellowship Hall.
Though flowers are appreciated, we would like for donations to be made to the NC Cooperative Extension, 229 Kingold Blvd, Snow Hill NC 28580, “John Quincy Adams V Agriculture Scholarship”, or to the building fund at Calvary Memorial United Methodist Church, PO Box 445, Snow Hill, NC, 28580.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
John
My sweet baby passed away today. I cannot tell you the hurt I feel.
Pulling my wagon alone now....
PCQ
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