Saturday, October 8, 2011

Relay For Life

Greene County's Relay for Life was delayed due to the April tornado that tore through the entire county and left a wide path of destruction.  With all the damage, it would have been next to impossible for any reasonable celebration, much less, any attempts to raise money for cancer research when so many were still reeling from the losses they had.

So, it was postponed till October.  Little did we know, we would still be recovering from the tornado and more recently, Hurricane Irene.

When I received a call from the editor of the local newspaper asking for an interview, I hesitated.  Having served on our local board of education for 17 years, most of that time as chair, I have had my share of media interviews, difficult encounters, and unfortunately, many misquotes, even when the response was in written form.  But I couldn't let an opportunity pass that may help others facing difficult times.  And the past two years have been difficult times for me.  One of my friends recently told me he was surprised I wasn't in a mental institution after all I had been through. Sometimes I think maybe I should be.  Anyway, I have persevered and try so hard to keep a smile on my face and remember my many, many, blessings.

Below is the article that was published in the local paper.

 Despite obstacles, life is a journey to be enjoyed

October 5, 2011

Standard Laconic Newspaper Margaret Fisher - News Editor
SNOW HILL—It would be bad enough to be diagnosed with cancer, but how would it feel to be undergoing cancer treatments when suddenly your spouse is diagnosed and dies within a matter of months?

Pat Adams, a vibrant and cheery mother of grown children and chairwoman of the Greene County Board of Education, remains positive and upbeat despite having gone through just such an ordeal and she continues to do so.


Her great-grandmother had colon cancer, which can be inherited.  In 2004, Adams' doctor found a small growth during a colonoscopy and removed it.


She continued to have annual checkups and everything seemed fine, but in 2009, things changed one morning.


"I woke up and had a horrible pain in my leg and it's like, you know something is terribly wrong," she said, explaining the pain down her back and leg.


It went away, Adams said, so she went to work.  The next night, it came back.


Her doctor sent her to a specialist who said she had an intestinal infection, but she continued to have pain.  Eventually, she got an MRI where her doctor could see she had a growth on her tailbone that was pressing against her sciatic nerve - something the doctor had never heard of.


"Everybody said this just shouldn't be happening.  It was just in a bad, bad place," she said.  "Of course, you're horrified by all this because you don't know what's going on."


The tumor was made up of colon cancer cells.  The pain was so bad, Adams began a series of 30 radiation treatments five days a week to reduce the tumor and pain.  The risk of paralysis was great because of the tumor's position.


The treatment center was frightening because of seeing so many people, including young adults, in such a bad state and because of the equipment and being strapped intightly so she couldn't move, Adams said.


While the pain lessened, there were side effects.  She lost a third of her thick blonde hair.

"(The laser) destroys a lot of good tissue, too.  It passes through the intestines and the bladder,"  she said.

The burns hurt and she couldn't get comfortable.  Eventually, she began to feel a little better.  At some point during treatments, she started on chemotherapy pill all the while being subjected to a barrage of tests.


A team of doctors were deciding what they should do.  One idea was to cut off the tip of her tailbone and remove the growth, but that was later rejected.


"The doctor said, 'I can't guarantee to get all the growth and you could be paralyzed.  The risk is too high,'" she said.


In March 2010, Adams went to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., for a second opinion.  The doctor said removing the tumor would be like tearing up the foundation of a house to get one potato underneath it.


In April, she was taking chemotherapy intravenously.  They had put a port in the left side of her chest to administer the chemo.  The effects were terrible.

"It was an absolutely horrible drug to take.  I couldn't take any cold.  I had to put gloves on to get something out fo the refrigerator," she said, likening the cold to getting an electric shock.


The tumor was growing to the size of an orange, so they switched to another drug.


All the while, Adams kept having pain in her arm and shoulder and thought she had pulled a muscle so she began therapeutic massages and accupuncture.  The pain worsened to her jaw and ear, she suspected the port, but the doctor said the port was fine.  When she threatened to pull the port out, the doctor removed it.


"When I woke up from surgery, I knew it didn't hurt.  My arm was fine," she said.  The doctor told her she was right - there was a pinhole leak in the port.  They put another port in on the other side, which has caused no trouble, she said.


But chemo was taking a toll.  Her fingernails thinned, she was having nosebleeds and she got a terrible case of thrush, or yeast infection, in her mouth and esophagus.


She deals with the side effects of high blood pressure and neurological problems in her hands and feet, and can't have any more radiation because of the tissue damage.


"Just when you think you've had all you can have, another problem pops up," she said.

Meanwhile, in June of 2010, her husband, John, who had been lovingly taking care of her, was diagnosed with lung cancer.  He hadn't smoked in years.  When a lymph node swelled up, the doctor thought he had an infection.  A few weeks later, a tumor was discovered in the passageway to his lung and it couldn't be removed.  Pat was now taking care of him.  In November 2010, he died.  He was talking and on no pain medication, Adams said.


"It was probably the hardest time in my life.  John was such a strong and vivacious person.  I'm just glad that things went as quickly as it did with him," she said, as she broke out in tears.  "I think the trauma of my illness possibly caused him to be sick.  Stress - we really underestimate what stress does to the body."


Her husband's sickness began about the time things were really getting difficult for her.


Today, she continues unending chemotherapy every two weeks.  Her tumor is dead on the outside, (damaged by the radiation) but still active in the center," she said.


"The chemo cocktail is working right now.  It's keeping the tumor controlled, but the cancer won't go away," she said.


She is hopeful, that a doctor at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, Md., might be able to help.


As she relaxes in her living room against the backdrop of huge plate glass windows displaying a picturesque view, Adams said she is happy to look at nature, the sky, and to have good friends and family.  "I thinkI have always looked at life as not a destination, but a journey.  I enjoy every day," she said.  "It just makes you more appreciative of all these things(to look at)."


Along with everything else, her house was damaged in the April tornado and her dog died.  And she very much dislikes listening to complainers.


"You start looking at all these (bad) things, but I still feel very blessed because I have my faith, family, and friends," she said.  "As strange as it sounds, I'm still a very happy person."


Adams has set up the John Quincy Adams V Agricultural Scholarship to begin next year for a Greene Central High School student.  It's hope for the future.


"Somebody asked me, 'How long do you have?'" she said, "I wanted to say, 'how long does anyone have?'"

End of article....but not the end!

PCQ

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Before and After




Before....

After.....






Before....

After.....






Lot of work has been done and still much that needs to be completed.  I think I have reached a plateau where things are manageable and I have hit the pause button.   Maybe I'll get it all done eventually.



PCQ

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!


Wednesday was John's birthday.  Seems as though it was only yesterday that we celebrated last year.  Who could have imagined it would be his last.?  So much has happened since then, but I will have to say, it was a joyous night.  Meredith was able to sneak home for a few days and we gathered up a few friends for a party.


Lauren had mailed a package of goodies for her dad's birthday from Paris.  She was there for the summer.  John and I were planning/hoping to join her, but medical issues interrupted that dream.



Me, Meredith, and John, after his wonderful birthday dinner.  He was so happy that night.




Meredith and John




John's birthday dinner.


As I look as these photos, one thing jumps out at me, John was happy.  Look at that smile.

And that makes me happy now.

PCQ

Monday, July 25, 2011

Beach

You know when I don't post, I'm either busy or sick.  Thankfully, most of it has been "busy having fun"!

Went to my annual two week beach trip with friends and family.  This was our 33rd year together in the same place at Atlantic Beach.  Hard to believe it has been that long.  But it has.  Our children are all grown now and all of them working and embracing jobs they enjoy.....and with benefits.  Who would have thought that would mean so much?

But, back to the beach, did I say I had fun?  Well, I did.  But how can you not have fun when you are surrounded by people you love and who love you?


Beach 2011

This was our group photo....and yes, all those wonderful people were housed in the cottage you see behind us.  (Well, a few of them stayed across the street.) We do play well together. That's me on the right with the Segway.  The Club Colony July 4th Parade had just marched past and I was decorated and ready.  From the local talk, it is my understanding I was the first Segway entry in the parade.....ever.  I'll take that.  Love breaking new barriers.

I'll post more about the beach.  Just wanted to let everyone know I am okay.  Hot...but okay.

Wagon still rolling.
PCQ


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Strong Presence

I was reading a story recently about a family that was struggling with the death of their son.  "He had a 'strong presence' and it feels like he is still here with us," the father said.

The words resonated in my soul.  That's how I feel about John....he had a very 'strong presence' then and now, and though I know he is gone, I feel him in everything I do and everywhere I go.  Sometimes it even feels like a dream.  I'm going to wake up and everything will be be all normal again.  Not sure how long this lasts.  I know there are stages for grief and everyone progresses through those stages at their own pace.  We are all different but sometimes so much alike.

I like to smile, it hides the pain. And I read that smiling tricks your body into "thinking" you are happy, just by using those muscles.  I do know it makes other people feel better and that in turn helps me.  So, I'll keep smiling and hope it is true.  But that "strong presence" may never go away.  And I don't know if I want it to.

PCQ

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Remission - What does that mean exactly?




My daughter, Lauren, was with me when I was given the results from my last CT scans.  As I have told you before, it is difficult not to dwell on the "what ifs" as you wait for results that may abruptly alter your life even more than it already has been.  But, when Dr. White came in smiling, we knew it must be good.  "There's no new growth, everything is the same," she said.

With that, I exhaled.  She went on about my blood numbers, what we needed to do next and then in one of her statements mentioned, remission.  We talked about other options.  Lauren questioned her about the possible damage from the leaking port that had been removed in April.  "Obviously, not a good thing to happen," she said, "but, the treatment you are on can be absorbed by the tissue without major damage."  Somehow, that was not as comforting as I would have liked.

But on to other concerns. She said, "Remission!"  Remission is a term that doctors frequently use and it refers to the response of the cancer to the therapy. A complete remission means that the cancer has completely disappeared with the treatment.  I do not have complete remission and remission does not mean a patient is cured.  So...I am hesitant to even say that word cause I am still having chemo, and enduring all the side effects that come along with it.   Just means the cancer hasn't changed in the past few months and that is a very good thing.  Last year this time, the treatments were not working and I didn't know if I would see the beach this summer.  But I am still here!

Anyway, I am having a PET scan this week at the PCMH.  Not sure what day yet, seems it takes a while to get it cleared with insurance.  This test will tell us how much of my tumor is scar tissue and how much is "active".  I may be a candidate for a procedure at the Mayo Clinic in Florida, but we have a few tests we must do first.  I'll keep you posted.

But most important, it's summer.  Please enjoy every minute if only for ME!  When you look out your back door, really look at the birds, the lightning bugs, the sky, the leaves on the trees.  Don't sleep walk through life cause take it from me.....it's not the destination it is the journey.

PCQ

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

2011 Big Rock Tournament



Dance like no one is watching.  And if you can't dance, do something to push yourself to live everyday and have fun.  Go fishing...or if you can't fish, cut bait.  And if you can't fish or cut bait, watch other people do it.

Been trying to do that.  My friend, Joanie, called me last week and said, "Come down to the beach and stay with me for the Big Rock Tournament".  She didn't have to ask twice.  She was staying in a great cottage just off the beach.  Just so happens that it is owned by one of John's business friends.  They don't rent it out much, but knew John's friends would be good folks to have.  And we sure tried to be.

But back to the tournament, it was fun.  Three marlin were brought in Monday, the first fishing day, and Joan was there for them all.  Loved seeing the excitement in her eyes!




John and I usually try to get down to the tournament every year.  He has actually fished in the tournament in the past. Last year, we took the RV to spend the night. But this year wasn't easy.  Every place John and I stood last year, everything we did, was in my mind as Joan and I walked about.  They are good memories though. We got to see a few of the big ones brought in, but we weren't there for the biggest controversy probably to ever hit the tournament.  The biggest fish caught last year was eventually DQ!

The controversy surrounding the 2010 Big Rock Blue Marlin Tournament’s top prize really got everyone stirred up and the media coverage went crazy. Tournament officials stopped the awards presentation due to a rules violation by the Boat “Citation”. That crew actually caught a record-breaking 883-pound Blue Marlin and was set to receive the top prize of more than $900 K.  Enough money to get your attention.  But due to a rules violation, one of the crew didn't have his fishing license...they never got the check.  Rules are rules, and if you're not going to follow them, then you are subject to the penalty....but $900K...man that is a bite!   Bet that captain never makes that mistake again.

The unlicensed young man who was part of the Citation crew was from Virginia.  My daughter, Meredith, had actually gone fishing the week before with friends on a boat out of Hatteras and he was part of that boat's crew, so she knew him.  As it turns out, it is my understanding that you don't have to have a personal license in Virginia, the boat has to be licensed, but the rules are different in North Carolina.  First thing you must do is follow the rules!

Back to this year's tourney, we got to see them bring in the winning fish.  Of course, we didn't know that then...there was still a week of fishing left.  And Joan realized there really is a "big rock" out in the ocean where everyone goes to fish for the big ones, hence the name for the tournament.

So, again this year I got the flavor of the Big Rock.  Saw a huge yacht come in to dock at Morehead City, too.  Fourth largest privately owned yacht in the world.  At least that's what it said when I googled the name, SeaFair, that was on the side. 200+ feet long, $40M+, nice to see how the rich folks live.  Boat was on its way to Rhode Island, apparently, it was for floating art and jewelry shows and had a champagne and caviar bar.  Well, well, Morehead City was certainly in good company with that fine boat.

Joan and I had a great time together talking, rummaging through second hand stores, and just enjoying the smell of seafood and the beach.

Thanks Joanie....pulling my wagon to the beach was a load of fun.

PCQ







Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day



It's Father's Day, our first without John.  I didn't think it would be so hard.

When I awoke this morning, I was blessed to be with dear friends and.... to be able to look out my bedroom window and see the sun coming up on the Pamlico River.  The river has given me and my family many, wonderful and warm memories.

So I guess it was fitting that I was there on the first Father's Day without John.  As I looked at the river, it reminded me of all the fun things John did for us and my daddy.  Hours and hours of driving the boat, pulling us from one end of the river to the other on all the water toys, sailing, checking nets and crab pots, you name it, John would make it happen.

Our simple place on the river was a refuge for family and friends, providing a backdrop for precious time with my dad, (he loved to set fish nets), our girls with their "Papa Lee", and so much learning for us all.  Our girls learned how to ski there, how to tell the difference between a she crab and a male....and whether it had eggs, or was ready to shed and become a summer delicacy as a soft shell crab.  We went on shark teeth and lightning bug hunts, could identify the fish we caught, knew where all the osprey nests were and learned the rules of the river.

But as I lay there looking out across the water, my thoughts returned to last year.  Meredith came home for Father's Day, to spend time with her daddy and to cook a wonderful dinner for him.  And what a grand meal it was.






John's lymph node on his neck was swollen and Dr. Barrow had put him on antibiotics.  I remember so well him telling Meredith about it that day. Didn't seem like a big deal at the time.  Little did we know what was to come.  His lymph node swelled the week after we found out the tests and scans showed my tumor was growing... my chemo treatments were not working.  

Coincidence?  

PCQ




Thursday, June 9, 2011

Paying Forward


    • This is a sweet email I received from one of John's on line "girlfriends".  She gave me permission to use it on my blog.  
      Pat,
      I read your post on FB where you mentioned NO REGROWTH...sooo happy and relieved for you. I understand the wait involved with these tests. One time my daughter and I decided we just couldn't wait on her dr to call us with her MRI results, so we drove down to the the radiation department in the hospital, picked up a copy of the films AND the radiology report, proceeded to a room that said 'staff only' posted the films (before cd's) on the board with the light and were certain that WE would be able to determine the results. LOL! The wait was just that hard for us. Of course, we couldn't determine a thing and what we DID read from the report scared the bejeezus out of us. Lesson learned.

      Like you, my daughter's remaining cancer is in an area that cannot be operated on. They DID operate in the past and removed as much tumor as possible, actually removed her mouth, cheekbones and went straight back to remove as much tumor as possible. 14 hour surgery in NY. Put her back together, but with a lot of neck bone removed and rods put in place. Total of 11 surgeries. Her remaining tumor is near the brain stem. She was given 3-5 years to live, and it has now been NINE years. She has NO clue she was given 3-5 years, she stood up when the doctor talked statistics and said "I am NOT a statistic." When she went for her radiation (specialized radiation called proton beam) at Mass General in Boston, she was lined up with a support group. She said "I'm sorry, I am too busy living my life rather than dwell on my illness." So I did what any good Mom would do, I got her a fake ID, we went out and drank beer and explored Boston. BTW, I met a total stranger on one of those nights out, I was feeling really down and I talked that poor guys ear off. We've been married 5 years now :-)

      There have been complications over the last few years. She was in a long term relationship, ended up pregnant, she gave birth, they split up and she and sweet Isabella moved on with their lives....until complications set in. She developed a serious spinal fluid leak at her brain stem (from previous surgeries) and had a 12 hour ride to NY, to her original surgeons. Nothing Duke or TN could do for her. The NY docs saved her life AGAIN and her recovery has been a long road. She has limitations now, cannot ever bend past her heart, I could go on and on...but she is a WONDERFUL Mother and I am so proud of her. She keeps positive, always has a beautiful smile and when she walks in a room, the sun comes up. She and Isabella live with us and I wouldn't have it any other way.

      I have not done so well. Long story, but for 3 months last year we didn't know if she would make it, and it took it's toll on me. I reached a point where I felt I would never take my own life, but somebody please do it for me. The emotional pain was just so deep. The reason I am telling you this, is that YOU helped get me through this. YOU have no idea of how much you have affected my life, and in such a posiitive way. (I'm crying now) The strength, the dignity, the courage, the grace you have shown through the hell you and John went through and that you are still going through have kept ME going. When I couldn't get out of bed, I thought "what would Pat do?" So I got my ass up and I put one foot in front of another. I'm not saying it's been a piece of cake for you, I KNOW you have been through hell, I read between the lines and know the pain, but you keep on keepin on. I figure with everything you have been through, are going through, I have no right to give up. Damn you...lol.

      I wish I could better express how much you and your blog has meant to me. Thank you so much Pat, for being such an inspiration, for making such a difference in my life and for being YOU.
      Big Hugs
  • Patricia Lee Adams
    • Oh Sweetie, your missive breaks my heart. But....I am so happy to know you have gained strength from me. Isn't that what God's love does? We are the hands and feet of God.

      I too have looked at others and said, "if they can do it, I can too!" And sometimes, I do it because John would be disappointed in me if I gave up!!! He NEVER complained, and I find it so easy sometimes to let it spill out as you said, but try to hold back cause we all have a "wagon" to pull.

      So thankful that your daughter has you (you are God's hands) to protect and love her and her precious child. I remember reading your plight some years ago. John certainly cherished your on line friendship and was amazed by the resilience of you both. I know that was unbearable, but she has made life continue. She is remarkable. And Lord knows it is not easy when everyone says the sky is falling! Yes, my scans show no growth, but that in a way is misleading. The tumor will grow at some point. Typically, this type of cancer is slow growing and will out wit the meds. We will then go to the next plan and hope it works. You know how all this works. We just hope our bodies will be able to tolerate the events. '

      In my heart, I feel John was devastated by my illness. He loved me so and I will NEVER believe that this 'just happened" at this time. I will always believe the hurt in his heart for me caused his illness or at least pushed it along. I know it is probably crazy, but I was with him, I know what he went through and when the doc told us how long he had this growth, it started at exactly the same time I was getting really bad news. Everyone tells me it couldn't be, but I will always say it did.

      Please continue to surround yourself with good friends and love and make sure she does that too. I know your love has certainly kept her going too.

      I would like to ask a favor? Can I use your note in my blog? I will erase any names so no one will know who you are...unless they know you already and can put the pieces of the puzzle together. I think your message will give strength to others. OK? Let me know.

      My love to you and your family.
      Pat
  • Kimmie Barrie
    May 31
    • This is her response to my email:

      Pat,
      I have someone else in my life who is going through a very hard time, she says I inspire her to keep going, so I guess we are all 'paying it forward.' Amazing how that works.

      I can certainly understand your thinking about John's illness. Of course, tobacco was involved but maybe sometimes cancer/illness can be the 'perfect storm' within our bodies. I just hope that you are not beating yourself up as it's not your fault. My Mother had mini strokes shortly after my daughter was diagnosed with cancer and mother passed away in 2009 from a major stroke. Neither you nor I can control these things. I was so run down from this past year and just got over double pnuemonia. I have set new goals with my health, positive goals :-)

      Of course you may use whatever you like for your blog. Thank you so much for your email Pat, means a lot.
      Take care!


      It is amazing the strength we gain from one another.  Sort of like wearing life's water wings!
      PCQ
  • Patricia Lee Adams
    4 hours ago

Friday, May 20, 2011

Been Busy



Sorry I haven't updated my blog recently, I have been busy with tornado damage.  If I don't blog, I am either very busy or sick.  Thankfully, I have not been sick....except for the shingles attack... and when I have my chemo treatments.  Chemo puts me into "Pause" for several days, and makes me ever so tired.  So, getting everything done this past month since the tornado damage on April 16th, has been a challenge.  But I have managed.

Sometimes I simply forget all that I am dealing with.  And maybe that is a good thing.  Had a friend to visit recently, and she talked about my resilience and how it had inspired her.  Sure hope all of this inspires someone!

Having chemo every other week sure puts a damper on my life...and living.  I can't really plan anything because I don't know how I will feel.  The treatment I am on negatively impacts my digestive system from my mouth forward...or downward.  When I drink or eat, by throat will lock up.  Maybe you have had that happen.  I've had it before chemo when I drank carbonated drinks and start to swallow and it will not go down, just kind of hangs in your throat and chest and really hurts.  Have you had that before?  And just recently, I have started having severe pain and cramps in my tummy.  Every time I eat or drink, it causes contractions, very similar to labor pains.  Thankfully, they only last 30-40 seconds, but they come in waves.  Don't know why that has started, but it has.  So far, they have lessened as each day passed and last about a week.  So, one week with them and one week without.  The chemo nurses told me it was one of the side effects.

I had scans on Monday and will get results when I go for my next treatment on Tuesday.  Do you know how that affects your mind?  Makes me feel like I am living my life in small increments.

At least the tornado damage has kept me busy and my mind off of some of this.

My wagon has been banged up and full of stuff, but with friends and family, it keeps rolling.

PCQ

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Hunting Season

My party-in-a-box friend, Kay, came to stay with me when I had my port surgery a few weeks back, and I neglected to post about our hunting expedition then.  Please excuse me, I was still under the influence of drugs.  Here goes...

When we got home from the Surgicenter, we were both really tired, so we turned off the phone and took a nap.  Wasn't long before we were awakened by my pups barking.  Nick and Holden were standing by my big birch shade tree....and looking up.  Couldn't see anything at first, but then, there it was, a critter in the tree.


I could tell it was rather large, too big for a squirrel, so I thought it was a nutria.  John always hated to see them around the farm.  They burrow holes in the ground and the banks of the ponds.  That can be very dangerous.  The tunnels can undermine the integrity of the bank and if someone inadvertently steps on or drives across the make shift home, it can cause major troubles.  Nutria were accidentally introduced to the US many years ago and have made themselves at home, at the expense of farmers and other native animals.

But, my concern right that moment was getting the dogs inside so there would be no contact between them and whatever this was.  They didn't want to leave.  There was "something" in the tree and they were all too willing to stand guard and make sure everything was safe.  Finally, they reluctantly came in. Once they were safely inside, I had to make a decision, what should I do about the critter?  I know what John would have done.  He would have walked to the gun closet, picked up his gun, loaded it and walked out on the deck and took aim.  I wasn't feeling so confident.  Still under the influence of the anesthesia from the surgery, and warned not to drive, make any major decisions, or sign any important documents for the next 24 hours, I did what any "widow woman" would do....I called my neighbor, Rick.

Rick has been ever so helpful since John passed away, always here within five minutes of me calling for help.  And today was no different.  He was on his way.  But, in the meantime, the thought occurred to me in my still drug induced state, this is a photo opportunity, so Kay and I began our plan.  Rick was there shortly, but by then, Kay and I had scoured the closets, for our "hunting outfits".

After he stopped laughing at our garb, he took aim and the critter fell from the tree.  Please know, I do not like to kill anything, except roaches, ants, rats, mosquitoes, spiders...well maybe a few things, but I am a "live and let live" person.  But, this was a threat to my pups and can cause a lot of damage.

The furry carcass didn't move.  "Check to see if it's dead, Rick," I yelled from my safe perch up on the deck.  He walked over and with the barrel of his gun, turned it over.

I learned that lesson when I was just a little one, just cause it is not moving, doesn't mean it is dead.  I picked up what I thought was a dead squirrel once, only to find out it was just stunned.  The squirrel woke up and thought my arm was a tree limb and I was marked for life, but it was a lesson well learned.  Make sure it is dead.



"It's a ground hog," Rick said. "Oh no, I thought it was a nutria.  It's not against the law or protected is it?" I said.  "Oh no, they are pests too.  I just tore the axle out of my trailer after I ran over one of their burrows," he said.  I felt better after that, but I still felt sad looking at the dead wood chuck on the ground.

But that didn't last too long.  Kay and I had a photo op and we weren't going to let it pass.  So, this is what we did.




Two wild women with a gun...actually, it is a BB gun.  But we still had fun.  Sent out an email to some of my buddies and told them we came home from surgery and it was such a beautiful day, we decided to go hunting.  Bagged a "hog".

But that is not the end of the hunting story.  The next day, we went to get lunch at Pie's, a local eatery that serves the very best BBQ in the world. Please note that I am a NC certified BBQ judge and have judged more BBQ than you want to know!  So that mention is backed by taste buds well honed by years of tasting fine pork.

As we drive up at Pie's, there is a truck with a huge wild turkey on the tailgate with a handsome young fellow proudly holding on to it.  Turkey season opens for youth this time of year and this young man had a beauty.  But couldn't let this photo opportunity pass.





When we got back home, I sent out another email, "Feeling better today, but busy.  Went hunting again, but only had time to bag one gobbler."

Still makes me smile.  Hope it makes smiles for all of you, too.

PCQ



Monday, April 25, 2011

Shingles and Shingles

Looks like I will get all new shingles on my house, over 50% damage, he said.  The adjuster was ever so nice.  He had come all the way from Florida to help with the tornado damage assessments.  Just glad I have that checked off my list of things to be done.  I made a list of all I knew had been damaged, but he noticed more.

Needless to say, my life has been stressful.  Thankfully, I do always feel like I am in control, even though I may not like what I am controlling.

I'd been itching too, so I thought I had red bugs or poison ivy/oak.  I had pulled a few weeds, planted flowers and raked some in the yard a few days before it started.  It began with just a patch, but that didn't last long.  Soon, it spread and was driving me nuts.  Not only did it itch, it ached and hurt!  But by then,  I was away from home and no matter what I put on it, there was no relief.  When I got back home, still scratching and moaning, there was tornado damage to deal with.  So, it was Wednesday before I could get an appointment with the doctor.  I had done my research on line by then and been scratching for well over a week.

When the doctor walked in, he greeted me, and asked how I was doing.  "I'm doing well considering," I said.  "I'm pretty sure I know what I have, but wanted to see if you agreed."  He opened my gown and looked at the red rash on my back, closed it quickly and said, "I know what it is, what do you think it is?"  "Shingles," I responded.  "You are right, and a good case of it, I might add," he said as he sat down and started pounding on the keyboard by his computer.

"We're just in a little of a pickle, though, you're past the point I can give you anything to stop it, but we may be able to dry it up a bit.  But no guarantee...and your chemo limits what can be done too.  How bad is the pain?"  "Bad enough, but I've tolerated it this far," I said.  "Been using the numbing cream I use for my port and the pain medicine I already have. It helps but there are two things, first the itching and then the pain in the muscles around it, they are different."



(This is the way it looked in the beginning, so you can understand why I thought it was poison or red bugs.  It eventually wrapped almost all the way around.  Guess the bruising is from the incessant scratching and rubbing on the door jamb like a pig.  And yes, I had tried to get the vaccine last fall when I got my flu and pneumonia shot but chemo patients cannot get it due to the fact it is a live virus vaccine.)

He reached in a drawer and pulled out his visual aid, a small simulated section of backbone, to help explain what was going on. "Shingles is a viral infection of the nerve roots in your spine.  When you had chicken pox when you were a child, the virus didn't go away, it just went to sleep on these nerve endings.  In some people, it wakes up and presents itself as shingles.  We're not sure why it affects some people and not others, but there are certain factors that can influence it," he said.  He held up the small section of backbone, and wiggled the little nerve endings that protruded out from the vertebrae. "Shingles causes pain and often causes a rash on one side of the body. The rash appears in a band, a strip, or a small area. Shingles is most common in older adults and people who have weak immune systems because of stress, injury, certain medicines, or other reasons.  Of course, you fit into all of those categories.  Most people who get shingles will get better and 92% will not get it again.  But, with the luck you have been having, you may be in the other 8%!"  

Nice, I thought.

We chatted for a few more minutes and he was ready to leave, but he paused and said, "I sure miss John.  He was one of my favorite patients.  I always enjoyed seeing him come in."  The tears started welling up in my eyes.  "I didn't mean to upset you, I know it is hard, but I just couldn't leave without saying that.  Please know, even if I don't say anything, I miss him too."  He closed the door and I sat there and cried.

PCQ









Saturday, April 23, 2011

What a Week!



I had to hit the ground running when I got back.  Toto, we're not in Kansas any more.  Thankfully, by the time I got home the electricity came on and of course, that made life better.  Friends tried to get me to stay with them, but how can you do that when you want to be home.  Scuffed up and damaged, home is still the place that gives comfort.  Guess that is why it hurts my heart so much to see all the destruction around me.  So many homes and lives transformed by those few minutes last Saturday.

This past week has gone by so fast.  Jumping from one task to another, trying to manage all the help and offers has been a challenge, especially when I am limited in what I can do.

So many people calling, stopping by, all worried about me and my home.  Many of them found it amusing that I was ever so happy.  "She's tickled to death," one of them said as he spoke with his wife by phone.  And I am, can't believe my house is still here.  It has every right to be gone, but it isn't.  John always said he put enough nails in this house, if it went, then we would have more issues to worry about than this house.  He was right.  And when people come by to assess damage, one of the statements they make is, "John built you a good house."  Yes he did.  It's scuffed up pretty bad, but we're still standing.

PCQ

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Tornado Photos


Broken glass, damaged chairs...still looking for some of my things.  You can see little bloody paw prints on the steps.  Holden cut his foot.


My beautiful shade tree, gone.



Classroom in the middle school. 


Back of my house....I still have a house.  Many are not so fortunate.


Lunchroom at the middle school.  Congressman Butterfield came to see for himself.


Ceiling in the middle school.


View out my kitchen window....ugghh, just had all of my windows washed one week before the storm!  But I still have windows.  None of them were broken.



What's left of the round pen where the horses are trained. My house is in the background.


View out my back door.


Greene Central High School students try to put the pieces back together.  We sustained over $100K in damage there.

PCQ

Tornado

You can see from the photos in the previous post, we had a wonderful time in the Bahamas.  But, Saturday, we saw the news and realized there was bad weather back home.

Before I left, I had secured the chairs and other objects that may be blown around by the wind, little did I know what was to come.  Eastern NC was being pounded by storms, so much so, it was making the news on CNN and the Weather Channel.  Having lived in NC all of my life, I know the dangers associated with these storms.  There is really nothing you can do but watch the skies and be ready.

Of course I was worried, the news was focusing on our area of NC.  There had already been a tornado in Sanford and the Lowes Home Improvement store was destroyed, but hopefully, the worst of it was over.  So, we went to dinner and had a lovely time.

After dinner, my daughter, Meredith received a text alerting us there was trouble near Snow Hill.  Phone service had been really difficult for us and very expensive, so most were not using our phones.  But maybe I did need to check on things so I went to my room.  The television was still on the Weather Channel and I saw the devastation.  It was too close so I sent a text to a neighbor, "Just saw there were tornadoes in Snow Hill, are you okay?  Is my house okay?"  She replied immediately, "You need to call Tommy, he's been trying to reach you."  As soon as I read that, my heart began to pound.  Tommy helps me with our farm and has been wonderful to me since John passed away.  He looks after my pups when I am away or not feeling well and is always checking things for me.  "What's wrong...is my house okay?" I typed.  "You need to call Tommy!  Can I call you now?"

As soon as I saw that, tears welled up in my eyes.  I knew it wasn't good, but how bad was it?  The Weather Channel was then showing photos of the Greene County Middle School....it was destroyed, buses were moved, and I could see the path of the tornado, headed right toward my house which is separated by a stand of trees but right behind the middle school.

The phone rang.  "Is my house okay?"  "There's been some damage to the roof and there are lots of trees down," she said.  "You need to call Tommy, he checked on it but there are so many trees down, I'm not sure what was damaged."

It was getting late but I had to know what was going on so I started making more calls.  Lots of people had tried to check on me, but they couldn't get to my house.  Too many buildings or trees in the road.  Finally, I got through to our superintendent of schools, yes, it was true, the school was destroyed.  He had tried to check on my house too, but couldn't get through.  "Your house is still there, I could see it, but couldn't get through because of all the debris.  I did call Rick, your neighbor and he said the same thing.  House is still there but a lot of trees down. Think there is damage to the roof, but we can see the house."  By then I was in tears.  What was I going to do, I needed to be home.  What about my pups, the horses, my chickens?  He promised me he would get there some how in the morning to check for me so we hung up.  As you can imagine, all sorts of thoughts were going through my head and most of them were not good.  I went downstairs to share the news.

By early morning, calls were coming in with news.  My house was still there, no electricity, trees down, roof scuffed up pretty bad, but it was still there.  Friends had already come in to clear the way to the house.  My pups were okay.  Not much I could do but stay on schedule to get home that day and start work.

Amazing how the pendulum of life can swing so quickly. One minute you can be on top of the world, the next......  My wagon load was getting ready to be real full.

PCQ

  

Trip

After John passed away, it was my hope that my girls and I could go on a trip together.  Didn't really matter where, just get away and enjoy life.

Somewhere warm and sunny would be nice, but anywhere as long as we could be together as a family.  And that plan did come together.  A friend of a friend was going to the Bahamas and I thought it would be great to be somewhere there were people I know.  John was my rock so I never worried about what I would do if something went wrong.  But he is gone and now I must depend on my own strength.  Still, with all the obstacles I have in my life, I wanted to have assurance that if something happened, there would be people that could help.  And it worked out better than I could have ever imagined.

We went to the Atlantis in the Bahamas, a plethora of fun, sun, and food, where we were, thanks to the generosity of fine friends, treated like royalty.  There is no way I can ever thank everyone for the thoughtfulness and love given to me and my family.  Maybe the smiles will show it all.


Lauren and Jake 


Lauren, dancer, me, and Meredith


Meredith, Lauren, Lee, and Mary


Meredith, me, Lauren and Jake 



Sunset at the One and Only Ocean Club


If you like pina coladas.....a toast at sunset.


Dinner at the Bahamian in Atlantis.


View from my room at the Atlantis Imperial Towers!

Hope you can see from the photos, a great time was had by all.  I must say, it is so much easier to pull your wagon when you start the day with a massage, have a cabana boy to serve you on the beach, and are surrounded by family and wonderful friends in a place that can only be described as magical!

PCQ


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Shoulder Pain - Continued

There were so many things that had to be done before surgery.  With constant pain, it makes it easy to put them off, but some had to be dealt with, like taxes, farm maintenance, etc.  They couldn't wait and I didn't know how long it would be before I was back to at least "chemo normal".

My "party in a box" friend, Kay, had offered to come stay with me and I was so looking forward to having her here.  She arrived the day before surgery.  On her way in, she stopped and picked up our friend, Harold, Mayor of N. Walstonburg, and we all went out for my last meal before surgery.  It was wonderful to spend time together and have a great meal at Ribeyes in Snow Hill.  After dinner, Kay and I took Harold home, then back to get everything in place for the next day.

I was scheduled to be at the Surgicenter at 6:15 Friday morning.  We were there with time to spare, but it was April Fools Day...so I wore one of my fun hats as we walked into the building.  It was still dark outside when we arrived, but through the windows of the building, people already inside could see us coming.  As they noticed my hat, they poked the person next to them and pointed.  They were all smiling and that was what I wanted.

After signing in, agreeing to let them do whatever they wanted to do to me, and giving them some money, we were issued a buzzer and we had a seat.  Paula, Joan, and Annie would join Kay in the "fun" and that made all of this procedure much more festive and tolerable.

Soon, the nurse came out to get me.  The minute she saw my hat, she smiled too.  It was hard. Again, I was in one of the rooms John was in for one of his many procedures. The flashback to that day, the concern I had for him.  I started crying and my nurse scurried over to see what was wrong.  She thought I was afraid because of the surgery.  But that wasn't why I was crying.  I told her about John and she leaned over, hugged me, and said, "Oh darling, I am so sorry."

Before long, I was undressed, gown on, IV in, had talked with the anesthesiologist, and was ready for surgery.  Paula and Kay came back to be with me and the surgeon came in to talk.  My surgeon is tall, handsome, very articulate and best of all, wears cowboy boots.  He went over what we were getting ready to do, but in the process, he really emphasized his concerns.  "I want you all to know we are taking out a perfectly good operating port that may or may not be causing pain, to put in another perfectly good operating port.  I want to make sure we are all on the same page...do you understand?"  He continued to go over this same subject with them.  It wasn't new to me, he had given me the same spiel when I went in to request the surgery, but I learned later, it really upset Kay and Paula.

I was whisked away to the operating room and the last thing I remember was telling the nurse I was cold and they put warm blankets on me and a mask over my face and told to breathe deep.  I hate to say it, but after all the pain I had endured, I embraced the chance for deep sleep and hopefully closure for all of this.

Next thing I remember, the nurse was with me in my room asking me to wake up.  As soon as I woke up, I knew my shoulder was better.  I know that sounds crazy, I was still under the effects of the anesthesia, but I knew!  A few minutes later, the surgeon stuck his head in and said, "You were right, it was leaking!"

Below is a photo taken by my friend Annie, as I was leaving.  Remember it was April Fools Day, so I put my hat on and my bubba teeth in.  As I was being rolled out, I said, "Be careful if you go back there, I was fine when I came in!"



Soon we were home resting.  And all was well!  What a relief.

PCQ