Songs

It is impressive how songs can instantly transport us back to a happy or sad time.  Not all songs, just special ones.

That happened to me yesterday.

It started out a little shaky as I wasn't feeling well.  Lots of nausea on Thursday and didn't sleep well. Leslie was coming with her two ankle biters and I was so excited about the visit, but, would I feel good enough to have fun with them?  I deliberated calling her to postpone the date, but, I decided it would be best to just stay on course and if I wasn't feeling any better when they arrived, Leslie would understand.

We had a wonderful visit, no crying from me or the children.  We had a great time, eating lunch, making stuff, and looking at photos from summer.  I really surprised myself.  We even watched a video with John getting the dog's ball out from under the pier on our pond.  Soon, they had to leave.

Later, friends came over to bring a chair.  Another good time, good memories.

Then the phone rang, let's have dinner at O'Cool's tonight.  Sure, see you there.  Would I be able to go and not cry the whole time?  Friday nights at O'Cool's had been something John and I had enjoyed with friends many times.  This would be my first time without him.  Luckily, there were lots of friends there and everyone had so many stories and things to share, I managed to make it through the evening with no major episode.

But on the way home, listening to the Oldies station and Stevie Wonder came on singing, "Yester me, Yester you, Yesterday".    You can listen and cry along with me at the link below.

Stevie Wonder Singing "Yesterday"

As soon as the first note played, the tears welled up in my eyes.  The song made me miss John so much.  I was instantly transported back to the day we found out about his cancer and how dire our situation was.   It was a beautiful sunny, fall, day.  John was driving home, "the back way", as I call it, so I could see the big field of sunflowers.  He knew it made me happy to ride by and see those little yellow heads, all pointing in the same direction as the sun, hence the name, Sunflowers. (Also, did you know when they mature, they stop turning and all point east?)

We were both quiet, thinking about what we had just heard, trying to take it all in.  Stevie Wonder's song came on the radio.  I have always loved Stevie Wonder.  He was born less than a month before me and his songs define my high school and college days.  Can't hear his old songs without a flood of memories.....and so it was that day.  But the song took on a different meaning this time.  Every word, every line seemed to say what I was feeling.  What happened to....the world we knew....


What happened to the world we knew
When we would dream and scheme
And while the time away
Yesterme yesteryou yesterday

Where did it go that yester glow
When we could feel
The wheel of life turn our way
Yesterme yesteryou yesterday

I had a dream so did you life
Was warm and love was true
Two kids who followed all the rules
Yester folls and now

Now it seems those yester dreams
Were just a cruel
And foolish game we used to play
Yesterme yesteryou yesterday

When I recall what we had
I feel lost I feel sad with nothing but
The memory of yester love and now
Now it seems those yester dreams
Were just a cruel
And foolish game we had to play

Yesterme yesteryou yesterday
Yesterme yesteryou yesterday
Sing with me
Yesterme yesteryou yesterday
One more time....

As the song played on the radio, the tears rolled down my cheeks.  I turned my head to look out the window so John wouldn't see me crying.  The sun was bright and I tried so hard to be strong but Stevie's words were wrapping around my heart and I knew my life...our life, was in for a big change, one I didn't like.  I could see the future I imagined with John melting away.

I reached over and touched John's big strong arm.  "I love you," I said.  He looked at me and saw the tears.  "I know you do, Sweetheart, I've never doubted that.  I love you, too." He gently wiped a tear coming down my cheek.  "We'll make it through all of this, don't you worry," he said.

Soon we rounded the corner and there were the sunflowers.  All smiling at me.  Yes, the world would go on.  The sun will come up tomorrow, but I will never forget the love I saw in his eyes.

But "when I recall, I had a dream, so did you, was warm and love was true....I feel lost...I feel sad....yester me, yester you, yesterday."

PCQ