John Quincy Adams V - Life Story in N&O

I received a call one morning a few weeks back, from a reporter working for the Raleigh, NC, News and Observer.  She wanted to feature John in an upcoming article, Life Stories.  Of course, I was thrilled.  I asked her why he was selected?  She said he looked like the type of person they normally featured.  I thought about it for a bit and did a little research.  I checked out the reporter's previous articles to see how she writes.  I have dealt with reporters for some time now during my stint on the Board of Education.  I didn't want just anyone writing about John.  I wanted someone who would do it right, and, after reading a few of her articles, I thought she passed muster.

She needed people to interview; family, friends, professional contacts, etc., so I made calls to a few folks, asking if they would mind talking with her.

After talking with several of them, she decided on her focus for the article.  "It's really hard with people like John," she said, "they have so many interesting aspects in their lives.  It is difficult with the limited space we have for the story to tell everything.  I keep thinking one day I am going to write a book about all these people and then I will have more freedom in what I can write about them."  Maybe she will.

So, to all John's friends and cohorts that agreed to be interviewed, I say, "Thanks".  John would be really proud.  I know I am.

As I ventured out this morning in the cold and still snow covered country to pick up a newspaper, my thoughts were of course on John.  As I drove up to the local Bojangles to pick up a copy of the N&O, I happened to see someone standing there inside the window.  It was an old friend.  He pointed down at the newspaper box, smiled, made a fist and gave me a "thumbs up".  Amazing how little things like that can mean so much.  Thanks "Dear Friend"!

PCQ

COURTESY OF PAT ADAMS

Adams

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BY ALETA PAYNE

Tags: lifestyle

If you gave John Quincy Adams V a reason, he'd cook a pig. Sometimes a whole one to celebrate a graduation or other special event. Sometimes just pounds of bacon - pig candy, he called it - to feed the breakfast and lunch crowds on the annual multifamily beach trip.

More than just a cook of pork, Adams was an expert on it. A farmer, he supported colleagues in that profession, serving on the state and national pork councils. He worked to ensure the future of the state's agriculture, encouraging sustainable practices with an emphasis on local producers and products years before others saw the point of it.

Adams was a go-to guy for small farmers and national agricultural leaders, writing grants, providing advice, anticipating what needed to happen next to nurture food production from the ground up.

"He was very forward-thinking in seeing there was some transition that was going to happen in agriculture and that needed to happen," said Nancy Creamer, director of the Center for Environmental Farming Systems at N.C. State University. "He was dedicated to helping producers make that transition and stay in business."

Adams was 61 when he died of cancer in November.

Long lineage

Adams came from generations of farmers, a vocational lineage that ends with him. His ancestors settled land in Beaufort that was granted to them by the British government more than 200 years ago.

Patricia Lee met Adams when they were students at N.C. State. He and his roommates were in the upstairs apartment; she and hers were looking for a television with good enough reception to pick up the State-UNC basketball game. Their neighbors above had one.

He was outgoing and tackled every challenge, said the woman who would become his wife.

"If you were picking teams for life, you'd pick him," she said.

She was quiet, more comfortable in the background. "I guess we fit together well," she said.

They married after graduation and by 1975 had started their own farm in Greene County.

Leader among men

John Adams quickly came to be regarded as a leader among the state's small farmers.

"He was the type of fellow that everyone would ask a question and he'd always give them guidance," said Bobby Ham, a sweet potato farmer Adams worked with. "He wouldn't tell them what to do. He'd give them guidance. He was just always wanting to help somebody."

Adams helped new, expanding and innovative producers write grants for their work. He mentored young farmers and their workers.

"John was the type of person when he got an idea, he just took that idea and went to work," said Deborah Johnson, CEO of the N.C. Pork Council, who served at the state and national level with Adams.

"He was candid about doing what was right. He might even take the other side of an issue to make sure we'd looked at every aspect of it. He wanted us to have all the information and wanted everyone to have a chance to have their input."

Fun with father

Even when Adams was having fun, farming was never far from his mind.

The Adamses' two daughters raised animals to show from the time they were in elementary school, including getting up in the night to check on them and going with their father to do other work on the farm.

Meredith Adams, now executive chef of her own restaurant, Eurasia Cafe in Mount Pleasant, S.C., credits that experience with helping her career.

"I probably wouldn't have what I have without the work ethic he taught me," she said.

Adams was also a fun dad, recalled younger daughter, Lauren, pulling them through rare Eastern North Carolina snow on a sled, towing them and friends down the Pamlico River in summer "making sure we were safe but making sure we were delighted. He was the most inspiring as far as fun goes."

Adams delighted friends with his food. The family took an annual two-week beach vacation with the same folks for three decades. Adams enjoyed the time doing his share of cooking and playing bocce.

And yes, there was the matter of his name, which brought its share of questions and teasing. While he could claim the sixth president as distant kin, the Fifth was named for an uncle.

ajpuva@att.net

An Annual Tradition

Don't remember the first year we decided to have a wreath party, but it sure was fun and it stuck.  We've been doing it ever since.  And this year was no exception.  I hesitated to have it, I was scheduled to have a chemo treatment that week and knew I would be too weak to do much prep work.  But, I kept thinking about John.  He would be really disappointed in me if I didn't keep it going.  So I did.

But not by myself.  A bunch of sweet elves rushed in and helped me get ready.  And what a day it was.  The great Snow Hill Christmas Parade and annual Wreath Party.

My friends gathered greens and got to work.  It was a wonderful day.

Great food!

Horseback riding!

And then it started snowing!  Caroline tried to catch a big flake on her tongue.

John always put a wreath on both ends of the horse barn for me.  My friends did it this year and I cried when they put them up.  It was always something John and I did together.  Amazing how little things that seem so insignificant at the time, become ever so special.

Merry Christmas
PCQ

Update on Me

I have received several requests for information and update on my medical condition.  Sorry I have neglected to do that.  This blog was set up for that very purpose, but with the other crisis in my life, my updates took a back seat as they should.

A CT scan, MRI, and bone scan were all performed a few weeks ago.  Good news from them, the growth has not changed.  That is what my oncologist and I were hoping for.  This type of cancer, especially with it invading bone tissue in my spine, is not expected to shrink.  All we can hope for is containment with the future hope that new drugs are in the pipeline and will be available once this chemo cocktail no longer works.  And unfortunately, that is the nature of this cancer.  The cancer will win at some time, unless a magic pill comes along.

I had chemo treatment #12 yesterday with this second round of drugs (the first group didn't work and there was some change/growth).  For the first time since June, my blood pressure was almost normal.  The visit two weeks ago, and just after John's death, my pressure was off the chart and it really startled me.  Continued high blood pressure can damage internal organs. Thankfully, my friends Paula and Joan were with me for the results from the scans during that visit.  Of course, I had to prepare myself for any news that my doctor might give.  It is just the way you have to live when you have cancer.

The chemo treatment yesterday was a bit scary at the beginning.  I have a port in my upper left chest (you can read my blog entry about getting that put in last March) and when the nurses "hook me up" they have to flush the lines to make sure there is good return and flow through the port.  When she started the hookup, which in itself is painful as they must insert a butterfly needle into the port entry under the skin.  Some people don't have much pain but others do.  I fit in the later category.  Mine hurts.

Anyway, as she was flushing the line, I realized she was not pleased with what was happening.  I don't usually look when they do all these procedures.  It just helps if I don't see it.  I don't look when they take blood, don't look when they start up IVs.....though I didn't have any trouble when John was having his procedures done.  Guess it is just me.  So, I have learned, look away and think about sitting on the beach with a warm, salty breeze blowing on my face.  That works.

But she couldn't get the flush to go into the port.  She could pull it out, but when she changed directions, nothing happened.  She called over another nurse and they started working on me.  By now alarms were going off in my head....what will they have to do, what if they can't get it to go in, will I have to have this port removed and another inserted....YIKES!  Panic.

She kept trying, asking me to raise my arm, cough, take deep breaths.  I told her I had injured my left arm a few weeks ago and it was still sore.  She started feeling my line running under my skin up over the collarbone and then it heads down to my heart.  The line appeared to be kinked there.  She kept working and finally, OUCH, something popped and the flow started.  Guess when I strained my shoulder, it did something to the line, but it was working now.  Whew.....

Dr. Mahajan added another drug to my cocktail today.  It will hopefully help with the queasiness I have been having the first week.  I have something for nausea, but the queasiness and hiccups were becoming more of a problem for me.  So far, it has helped!

So, as of now, I am doing okay and will stay on these meds till they stop working.  I told my doctor I was doing a little financial planning and needed to know a few things.  He told me to expect the best but plan on the worst.

Enough said.  Guess I probably won't run out of money before I run out of life.

Still pulling my wagon.
PCQ

Messages of Love

I have received so many emails from John's online "girlfriends and buddies", as I called them. As many of you know, John joined an online smoking cessation group on about.com when he stopped smoking many years ago.  He met so many wonderful people all over the world and as he became more confident in his "quit", he started paying forward and helping the newbies as they came in the group, struggling to stop the Nicodemon.  All the people he met thought he was wonderful, nicknamed him Brother John, and so appreciated his help.  Maybe they didn't know but they were helping him even more.  See, when you quit, you can have a QuitMeter on your computer that ticks off the number of cigarettes you would have smoked, how much money you have saved, and how many days you have added to your life.  You also have your quit date on your profile and if you smoke just ONE cigarette, then you must start all over.  Each milestone, is marked with a key presentation.  John learned from those that walked before him and he wanted to help others.  

Here's a touching email from one of his friends that I would like to share with you.

Dear Pat,

    I rarely visit the smoking forum, so only just learned that John is now with our Father.  As you more than anyone know, he was such a good man.  I had received a bad doctor's report and continuing to smoke was not even a remote alternative.  I have no family in this area, none of my friends smoked -- I was pretty scared and felt very alone.  John was the first person I met in the forum and I vividly remember he was celebrating his 100th smoke-free day.  John extended the hand of friendship over the miles and not only did I no longer feel alone, the fear was replaced with strength.

    He often talked about you, Pat -- always referring to you as his bride.  I recall asking him about his family and he told me "32 years ago I married my best friend and beer drinking buddy."  He shared that he had a long spell of not smoking after an accident in 94 -- "because my bride wouldn't get me any" .. When he talked about you, I could literally feel the deep love and I remember thinking one evening that you and he had one of those rare loves, the kind that stretches beyond time and space as we know it.

    When Lauren was coming to St. Louis for interviews, John asked about the universities and I was able to send him information on them.  We talked about meeting for a cup of coffee when you all visited here, but life seems to have gotten in the way.

    I know John has now touched the face of God and he has been healed and made whole.  And I also know that he lives on here in the hearts and memories of the many whose lives he touched.  I think there will be times when you feel a gentle breeze caress your cheek when there is no wind at all -- and you will know it is just John saying hello and looking out for you.

    You and your daughters will stay in my prayers.

Fondly,

XXXXXX

The next email was an addition to the one above....I have left out her name because it really wasn't needed.  Her love comes through without it.

Pat,

    I meant to tell you that one of the forum members opened a thread for John.  I'm sure that someone probably let you know, but too many times we all wait because we thought someone else did it.  You can get to it with this link   92149.1

    I read your blog and cried many tears with and for you.  If you do not mind, I would like to share something else with you.  I am a three-time cancer survivor.  I went into surgery on the third bout with the knowledge that my odds of surviving were 99 to 1 that I would not survive.  And I nearly did not.  I am told my family was called to the hospital about 3:00 a.m. to say their goodbyes, but I don't remember seeing anyone.  At some point, I seemed to be floating above my hospital bed and I could clearly see my doctor on one side of me and my minister on the other.  I knew they were praying, but I was unaware of any sound.  Suddenly I seemed enveloped in a lavender cloud.  I don't remember actually seeing this cloud, it was more of an impression of lavender.  But the strongest impression I had was of love -- just the purest and most beautiful love, and it was so powerful that I knew that no human could endure even the tiniest bit more.

    I cannot explain this, but I suddenly knew that it was my choice -- I could go along with the cloud, or I could return to that hospital bed.  The hospital bed meant agonizing pain. The lavender love meant the end of the pain.  Even now, I'm kind of amazed that I remember analyzing my choices.  Thanksgiving had just passed and my entire family had come to my home for the holiday.  It was an especially good holiday with everyone sharing a lot of love,  I knew that my family knew I loved them.  My friends had been more than supportive.  I thought of my best friend.  She was having a terribly hard time -- her marriage was failing, her finances almost non-existent.  We had a discount store whose merchandise was composed of stock other stores had been unable to sell.  To try to boost her spirits, she had bought herself a new dress.  I remember her telling me that it cost $4.00.  And I suddenly wished I had told her how nice it looked on her.  Poof!  I was back in that hospital bed, wracked with pain.  December will mark the XXth anniversary of that night -- and I am still here. 

    I always thought that if I had a near death experience, I'd see that tunnel with the light at the end; or some relative or dear person who had passed on coming to escort me.  But what I recall is the impression of a lavender cloud and a love so strong and so pure that it is indescribable.  From that day to this, I have had no fear of dying.  I know that love all wrapped up in lavender will be waiting,  Somehow I know, Pat, that John began his journey enveloped in the love of you and your daughters and, though I don't know if his cloud was lavender, I know he was met and escorted home on a cloud of almost unendurably pure love. 

Fondly,

XXXX

Share the love....what a beautiful note from John's friend that I will probably never meet.

PCQ

QR Codes

I love it when I find out about something new, it's just the way I am.  John always thought I embraced new technology.  I guess that I do, I am certainly not afraid of it.  Just never seemed an option to dismiss new things.  We have to learn about them or we are left behind.

And, I always perk up when I see something new.  QR codes (QR stands for Quick Response) were something new for me.  I first noticed it when Jake, Lauren's boyfriend, had one for his Facebook photo.  Didn't have a clue what it was, just thought it was cute, so he did one for me.  Still, no lights on yet.  Then one day, while reading CNN news, I saw an article about an ad on the giant billboard in Times Square.  It was a QR code.  The article explained the "intelligent people" would use their "smartphones" to scan the ad.  All the other dumb people, that would be me, would look at the smart folk holding their phones up to the ad and wonder what the heck they were doing.

Not wanting to be one of the dumb people, I kept reading.  The ad in Times Square was a QR code ad only accessible by using an application on your smartphone.  When you scan the ad, it would give information for Calvin Klein jeans.

Since that day, I have seen two QR codes.  One was in the Pitt Memorial Hospital cafeteria, with a statement "Change is coming", or something like that.  The other, an ad for Crocs and pictured below, I just saw in Rachel Ray's magazine.  Thought I would share with all of you....so you will be one of the smart folk too.

The QR code is in the bottom left. They are sort of like our bar codes here and are ubiquitous in Japan.  Keep your eyes open.  Bet you will see more of them soon.

PCQ

Hair

My hair has stopped coming out.  Of course that is a relief.  With all that has been going on in my life, dealing with a bald head was not something I was looking forward to, especially with the cold weather and wind.

I had been saving it so I could monitor how much I had lost.  It filled up the bag.

Funny thing, it started at the same time John started to lose his hair.   I mentioned it to my doctor and the chemotherapy nurses.  The doctor told me it should have already happened if it was going to fall out.  By that, he meant it should have occurred during the second treatment. I was in my 7th treatment when it started.

In researching the medications I take, generally, 30% will be bald, 30% will have heavy thinning of hair, and 30% will not have anything.  But it shouldn't be happening now.  When I talked with the chemo nurses, who see the 'down and dirty' of what happens in chemo treatment, they said it was, "surrogate" loss.  What?

"It most likely is sympathy loss for John," she said, "If it was going to happen from the chemo treatment, you would have lost it months ago.  We do see it sometimes with husbands and wives when their partners are going through a tough time.  It is sort of like a husband having morning sickness when his wife is pregnant."

John and I found it amusing.  We would both stand in front of the mirror and compare hair loss.  He was starting to look like Linus, and I teased him about it.  When he slept at night or napped on the sofa, it looked like a cat had curled up there with all the hair that came out.  I finally talked him into a haircut so he didn't look like a Linus Chia Pet anymore.  After the haircut, he looked like Charlie Brown.  But that was okay.  I love Charlie Brown.

PCQ