Paying Forward

• • This is a sweet email I received from one of John's on line "girlfriends".  She gave me permission to use it on my blog.  
    Pat,
    I read your post on FB where you mentioned NO REGROWTH...sooo happy and relieved for you. I understand the wait involved with these tests. One time my daughter and I decided we just couldn't wait on her dr to call us with her MRI results, so we drove down to the the radiation department in the hospital, picked up a copy of the films AND the radiology report, proceeded to a room that said 'staff only' posted the films (before cd's) on the board with the light and were certain that WE would be able to determine the results. LOL! The wait was just that hard for us. Of course, we couldn't determine a thing and what we DID read from the report scared the bejeezus out of us. Lesson learned.
    
    Like you, my daughter's remaining cancer is in an area that cannot be operated on. They DID operate in the past and removed as much tumor as possible, actually removed her mouth, cheekbones and went straight back to remove as much tumor as possible. 14 hour surgery in NY. Put her back together, but with a lot of neck bone removed and rods put in place. Total of 11 surgeries. Her remaining tumor is near the brain stem. She was given 3-5 years to live, and it has now been NINE years. She has NO clue she was given 3-5 years, she stood up when the doctor talked statistics and said "I am NOT a statistic." When she went for her radiation (specialized radiation called proton beam) at Mass General in Boston, she was lined up with a support group. She said "I'm sorry, I am too busy living my life rather than dwell on my illness." So I did what any good Mom would do, I got her a fake ID, we went out and drank beer and explored Boston. BTW, I met a total stranger on one of those nights out, I was feeling really down and I talked that poor guys ear off. We've been married 5 years now 
    
    There have been complications over the last few years. She was in a long term relationship, ended up pregnant, she gave birth, they split up and she and sweet Isabella moved on with their lives....until complications set in. She developed a serious spinal fluid leak at her brain stem (from previous surgeries) and had a 12 hour ride to NY, to her original surgeons. Nothing Duke or TN could do for her. The NY docs saved her life AGAIN and her recovery has been a long road. She has limitations now, cannot ever bend past her heart, I could go on and on...but she is a WONDERFUL Mother and I am so proud of her. She keeps positive, always has a beautiful smile and when she walks in a room, the sun comes up. She and Isabella live with us and I wouldn't have it any other way.
    
    I have not done so well. Long story, but for 3 months last year we didn't know if she would make it, and it took it's toll on me. I reached a point where I felt I would never take my own life, but somebody please do it for me. The emotional pain was just so deep. The reason I am telling you this, is that YOU helped get me through this. YOU have no idea of how much you have affected my life, and in such a posiitive way. (I'm crying now) The strength, the dignity, the courage, the grace you have shown through the hell you and John went through and that you are still going through have kept ME going. When I couldn't get out of bed, I thought "what would Pat do?" So I got my ass up and I put one foot in front of another. I'm not saying it's been a piece of cake for you, I KNOW you have been through hell, I read between the lines and know the pain, but you keep on keepin on. I figure with everything you have been through, are going through, I have no right to give up. Damn you...lol.
    
    I wish I could better express how much you and your blog has meant to me. Thank you so much Pat, for being such an inspiration, for making such a difference in my life and for being YOU.
    Big Hugs
• 
  

  May 31

  Patricia Lee Adams

  • Oh Sweetie, your missive breaks my heart. But....I am so happy to know you have gained strength from me. Isn't that what God's love does? We are the hands and feet of God.
    
    I too have looked at others and said, "if they can do it, I can too!" And sometimes, I do it because John would be disappointed in me if I gave up!!! He NEVER complained, and I find it so easy sometimes to let it spill out as you said, but try to hold back cause we all have a "wagon" to pull.
    
    So thankful that your daughter has you (you are God's hands) to protect and love her and her precious child. I remember reading your plight some years ago. John certainly cherished your on line friendship and was amazed by the resilience of you both. I know that was unbearable, but she has made life continue. She is remarkable. And Lord knows it is not easy when everyone says the sky is falling! Yes, my scans show no growth, but that in a way is misleading. The tumor will grow at some point. Typically, this type of cancer is slow growing and will out wit the meds. We will then go to the next plan and hope it works. You know how all this works. We just hope our bodies will be able to tolerate the events. '
    
    In my heart, I feel John was devastated by my illness. He loved me so and I will NEVER believe that this 'just happened" at this time. I will always believe the hurt in his heart for me caused his illness or at least pushed it along. I know it is probably crazy, but I was with him, I know what he went through and when the doc told us how long he had this growth, it started at exactly the same time I was getting really bad news. Everyone tells me it couldn't be, but I will always say it did.
    
    Please continue to surround yourself with good friends and love and make sure she does that too. I know your love has certainly kept her going too.
    
    I would like to ask a favor? Can I use your note in my blog? I will erase any names so no one will know who you are...unless they know you already and can put the pieces of the puzzle together. I think your message will give strength to others. OK? Let me know.
    
    My love to you and your family.
    Pat
• 
  

  May 31

  • This is her response to my email:
    
    Pat,
    I have someone else in my life who is going through a very hard time, she says I inspire her to keep going, so I guess we are all 'paying it forward.' Amazing how that works.
    
    I can certainly understand your thinking about John's illness. Of course, tobacco was involved but maybe sometimes cancer/illness can be the 'perfect storm' within our bodies. I just hope that you are not beating yourself up as it's not your fault. My Mother had mini strokes shortly after my daughter was diagnosed with cancer and mother passed away in 2009 from a major stroke. Neither you nor I can control these things. I was so run down from this past year and just got over double pnuemonia. I have set new goals with my health, positive goals 
    
    Of course you may use whatever you like for your blog. Thank you so much for your email Pat, means a lot.
    Take care!
    
    
    It is amazing the strength we gain from one another.  Sort of like wearing life's water wings!
    PCQ
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  4 hours ago