Tragedy on the Farm

I love to go out late in the day and hear the killdeer's squawking call.  They will certainly get your attention.  We have quite a number of them that visit our pond to get a drink and maybe snack on an insect or two, so it is not unusual to see them around.  But, when I see one or two of them for several days in a row, running about on those thin little legs, I start looking for a nest.

Killdeer build their nest on the ground among gravel and rocks with little nesting material.  The nest and eggs are so cleverly disguised that you must look closely to find them.  Most of time, you can find the nest just by mama's desperate attempt to lure you away.  They will frequently use the "broken wing act" to distract anything that comes near their nests. If you've never seen it, their act involves the bird scurrying away from its nest holding its wing slightly askew to simulate an injury and then as you get closer to the nest, the flapping around on the ground increases and she begins emitting a dire distress call.  It is rather humorous to watch if it wasn't for the fact that you are actually terrorizing the poor bird whose only hope is that you will leave her baby eggs alone so she can return to keep them warm and continue the incubation process.


When the flailing about continues, most animal predators think they have an easy prey and are attracted to this seemingly poor little injured bird, but in reality, they are being lured away from the nest. If she sees that they are not following her and are getting closer to the nest, she will move back closer and get louder and louder until she gets their  attention. As the predator moves closer to her and away from the nest, she will cease her act and fly away.

I usually don't have too much trouble finding a nest, but I do walk carefully, so I don't inadvertently step on the little brown speckled eggs and destroy the very thing I hope to protect.  My biggest concern is when John starts up our John Deere yard mower.  The fragile nest can't handle the force created by the blades.  So it was last week, we had noticed mama killdeer running about near the top of the drive way, but thought I would give her a few days before going out to look for her new nest.  I'd even put the binoculars in the window sill so I could sneak a peek occasionally when I saw her up and about.

John came in and said, "I found her nest, she has two eggs.  It's right at the edge of the driveway."  Once he pointed, I immediately saw the little bird huddled on her nest.  At least she was not in a busy part of the drive, but still, the lawnmower will present a problem I thought.  But, as long as we knew she was there, we could be careful.  John managed cutting the lawn and mama returned to her nest.  All was well.

The next day, John alerts me that the chickens are near the nest and mama bird is in distress.  I immediately ran to get my camera.

I wanted to get photos of Henny Penny and Bo when they saw mama killdeer's big act.  Silly me. I didn't think about my chickens being a predator, but John did.  As I returned with my camera, John alerted me to Henny Penny's pecking.  "She going to peck the eggs," he said.  It took me a second to realize what he was saying.  I know chickens are called "yard buzzards" for a reason, they will eat anything,  But it didn't occur to me that my Henny Penny would peck the eggs, but she did.  I quickly rushed outside to protect the nest.  I could hear mama killdeer's distress call and she was flailing all around doing her best to lure the chickens away from her nest.  But by the time I arrived, it was too late.

Henny Penny had already destroyed the eggs.  I was heart broken, but there was nothing I could do but watch the mama killdeer valiantly working to get us all way from her little nest.  I shooed the chickens away and sadly went back in the house.  We watch as mama bird came back to see her family destroyed.  Then she flew away.

Later that day, when I was outside doing my daily walkabout, I heard the cry of the killdeer.  KILLDEER, KILLDEER, she squawked.  Maybe she will begin another nest soon.  It's still early spring.

PCQ

Questionnaire

When I went to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN., in early March for a second opinion, I agreed to participate in a medical research study.  No cost to me other than a little time and a few more vials of blood.  Hopefully, I would be paying forward and able to help future patients with information they glean from me.  The doctor heading up the study handed me a lengthy health questionnaire at our meeting and asked me to complete it and send it back in.  I had so much going on with all the other tests, that I completely forgot about the thick packet of information.  It sat quietly in a folder with all the other information they sent home until I received a letter last week prompting me to please complete and send it back in.

After rummaging through my files, I found the questionnaire and began filling out the forms.

I used to breeze through forms like these.  Lung problems? No. Blood problems? No. Heart problems? No. Kidney problems? No. Eye problems? No. No. No.  It was nice to fill out medical forms and look at all the boxes checked as 'No' and realize how fortunate I am not to have any of those.  Lucky me.

Well, it's still that way... until I get to the cancer section, or the previous surgery or scans questions, whichever comes first. These days, I find that there isn't enough room on the forms to answer the questions completely. Previous surgery? Yes. Cancer? Yes.. MRI/PET/CT Scans....Yes. Yes. Yes.

But it's still strange to put down "No" so many times.  I'm actually in pretty good health, no high blood pressure or high cholesterol or diabetes.  Don't smoke.  Aside from the cancer stuff, of course.  I've never really had too many symptoms from the actual cancer.   Numbness on a portion of my right side, which causes several other physical problems, and the initial intense pain which has thankfully subsided, and few other maladies that initially came with it.  Most of the pain, discomfort, and annoyances, now comes from the treatments.  Go figure!

But then came the psychology questions. "Are you generally satisfied with your life?" I wanted to say, "Yeah, except for this whole cancer thing." But that wasn't one of the options. It was just yes or no, so I put yes. And that's true. I am happy.  I have a great husband, family, and friends. Except for that whole cancer thing, of course. Then they asked, "Do you feel severely depressed?" This time I answered, "No." The answer I wanted to give was, "No, except when I think about my cancer, and what it has done to my life and the lives of the people I care about," but that wasn't one of the options either. And that's true. I'm not depressed. Maybe they should have asked me if I get sad and cry sometimes.

But all in all, after looking over my completed questionnaire, I seem to be in pretty good shape. Except for that whole cancer thing, of course.

PCQ

Put on a Happy Face

We all hear a lot about how important a positive outlook on life is. Think positively! It almost makes you afraid to acknowledge a bad day for fear that it somehow will set you back, that you gave in.  Maybe you didn't try hard enough.

I think sometimes there is pressure on those of us with cancer or any other affliction to present a positive face to the world. Give everything a thumbs up rather than another finger you would like to throw up sometimes. A lot of us feel we need to appear upbeat, courageous, positive, spiritually ready to take on anything....even when we may not feel those emotions.

Quite honestly, there are times that I will write something in this blog that is more positive than I really feel.  It was a bad day for me that particular day, but I know if I say too much, or complain, it is like a virus and I am spreading it on to you.  Then you feel bad, and what did I accomplish?

I think sometimes I do this to reassure people I love, and maybe even myself.

But one of the things we must do is be honest with ourselves, with those close to us, with our doctors, with each other. I think being honest is far more important than trying to present a positive face to the world.

Now, I'm not suggesting that I am going to wallow in depression or anger. I think a positive outlook is very, very, important. I just think we shouldn't pressure ourselves to be upbeat if that's not the way we feel.

Living with cancer and all the 'stuff' that goes along with it is tough, and can fill up your wagon real quick.  You still have good days and bad. Just like everyone else.  Hope you understand.

PCQ

Chick-Fil-A Cow

Funny how things can happen when you live out in the country.  Returned from Greenville having my chemo pump removed (YIPPEE!) and what do I see?  A cow in the pasture.  I just had lunch at Chick-Fil-A and I imagined the cow parachuting into my part of the world.

Thought it was a bit unusual, no one had mentioned bringing a cow, but the gate was closed as if it was placed there on purpose, so I called John.  He said the cow was out in the road by the mailbox when he came home for lunch and he was afraid it would be hit by a car so he herded it up the driveway and into the pasture and closed the gate.  Two of our neighbors happened by during the round up and they weren't aware of anyone with this type of cow, a Holstein hybrid, as Holsteins don't have horns, but they would check around.

After hanging up the phone, a car comes up in the driveway and beeps the horn.  Seems he has lost a cow.  He thanked me for locking it up and said he would be back in a bit with his trailer to take Chick home.

He came back in about an hour and armed with a bucket of feed and a lasso, headed out to collect his cow.  I could tell by the way he handled himself, this was not his first rodeo.  But the cow wasn't fooled, Chick seemed to like our pasture and proved to be elusive for quite a while.

Finally, he got Chick-Fil-A out of the pasture and near the trailer but you could tell Chick didn't like it one bit and let him know.

But as I said, wasn't his first rodeo and he soon had Chick in the trailer and safely on the way home.

Another day on the farm.  Never know what or who might wander up.  Thanks for my excitement today Chick!

PCQ

Living Large - 24 Hours of Fun!

Until you have encountered life experiences similar to mine, you may not understand how important those 24 hours were for me.  Having cancer sucks.  End of story.  But, some of the other incidental effects from the medications, radiation, and other ancillary procedures just add to what most of us could describe on occasion as cruel and inhumane treatment.  I really do try not to think of it that way, but sometimes you just have to stop and stare at that big 800 pound gorilla in the room and realize, he is really making one heck of a mess.

No need to go into all the details, no one wants to hear those.  And I really don't want to issue a laundry list of all the physical ailments that can annoy to no end.  You quickly realize, the old sayings, "Death by a thousand cuts," and "Straw that broke the camel's back," hold true.  Is my back broken or am I bleeding to death?  No, but all those seemingly minor things can quickly mount up cause stress and make you lovingly embrace any moments where there is no pain, your body is not in distress, you are with good friends and having fun.  Got it?

Which brings me to my 24 hours of fun.  My dear friend, Joan, invited John and me to come down for S.O.S. weekend at Myrtle Beach.  I have only been away from home to spend the night four times since last July when I first realized I was sick, so maybe she thought I would be too ill to travel that far, she was wrong.

 They even have the shagger logo on the water tower there.

S.O.S. is special and some of you already know that, but if you don't, let me give you a quick 411.  S.O.S. stands for The Society of Stranders, a group of people that love to shag (the name for the type of dance) that officially meet at Ocean Drive Beach, S.C.,  part of the Grand Strand, hence the stranders, in the spring, called the Spring Safari, and in the fall, Fall Migration.  And did I tell you it is at the beach!  And it is big business!  You purchase a $35 card, that allows you free access to all the clubs that participate.  There are other clubs around and many that don't charge.  During the ten day event, there is a parade, dance demonstrations, awards, gospel sings, lots of different D.J.s spinning the best shag tunes, BBQs, food, drinks, and lots of old people like me and my friends, that just need an excuse to get together and have fun.  And what fun it is.

 The streets are lined with Hall of Fame dance inductees, and when they walk into a club are announced as such by the D.J.s.

We were lucky enough to be staying within a short walking distance of all the festivities in a four bedroom condo at the Ocean Bay Club which is right on the beach.  And as they say, "When you are lucky enough to be at the beach, then you are lucky enough."

But to make it even sweeter, we were surrounded by dear friends, and, we met new friends too.  Amazing how you can meet good friends of good friends, and within a few hours feel as though you have known them all your life.  The trust is there, love is there, how is that?  Whatever it is, I am thankful for it.  Welcome new friends, Cathy 1 from Detroit, Michigan, and Kathy 2, and Noel from Durham, N.C.!

  Joan and Randal, who happen to not only be my friends, they are brother and sister too.

Randal brought a pound cake he made to the beach and Joan mentioned he was taking lessons from their mother, Cleo, who makes the best pound cake in the world.  (She also cooks the best ham in the world too, but that's another blog.)  As he was telling us about making the cake, I thought it would be good to document the instructions for everyone.  So watch the YouTube video below and see why I love Randal so much.  He is just way too cute and funny.

Mama Cleo's Pound Cake Recipe and Instructions by my friend, Randal

When we went out Saturday night, I shot the video below so you can see how smooth shagging can really be.

Randal and Joan shagging!

You can see by the license plates below there are lots of people who take this very seriously!

 

But soon, my 24 hours of fun was almost over.  Time to pull my wagon back home in time for my chemo treatment #3 Monday morning. But before we could leave, I had few more things I had to do.  And one of them was eat a hamburger (outside by the street, people watching, listening to the beach music spilling out) at Ducks, a.k.a. a Duck Burger. 

And I did!

PCQ

How Many?

Ran into a friend the other day who reads my blog and they said they were hesitant to post in the comment section.

Well, I now declare....ANYONE CAN POST TO THE COMMENT SECTION!  In fact, I encourage you to do so.  Many people come back just to read the comments because they are sometimes better than my post.

Over a hundred people each day read this blog and help me pull my wagon and it certainly makes me feel good knowing that many people care and enjoy my thoughts or views on life.

But please don't stop there all you "lurkers", let me know what you think.  That will make me feel even better!

PCQ

Layers of Strength

I usually think of myself as a pretty hardy soul.  Most of us like to think of ourselves that way.  No one wants to feel vulnerable and unable to cope.  Looking at the job I have at work, it is pretty demanding and to be the best is a testimony to always doing everything perfectly and on time.  That was me.  Always finishing first.  If I didn't, then I considered it a failure.

But this cancer thing is different.  You have to be a REALLY hardy soul with lots of layers of strength to make it through from beginning to end in this stuff.

And there are so many layers of strength.  Sometimes I marvel at all the things I have been able to quietly tolerate and not yell, "You are going to do what?"

You have to find the first layer of strength just to absorb the body blow after being told you have cancer.  Do you know what that does to you?  It was always in the back of my mind that it may come back, but I did everything I was told to do.  The doctor told me my cancer was gone.  GONE!  N.E.D. (No Evidence of Disease in cancer speak)  But, in the back of my mind, I thought, it got in before, it can do it again.  Another layer of strength.

Then it's on to the world of treatments and scans and surgeries and medicines. Doesn't sound too bad till you are the one that is getting the treatments, scans, surgeries, and medicines.  Lots more layers needed there.  Thankfully, most of my scans and procedures have not been too invasive. Well, at least that is what I like to think, but actually, they've been kinda tough.  Getting a biopsy done by guiding a long needle down my spine to the tumor, having every doctor wanting to 'manipulate' the growth to check location.  OUCH!  Having the port put in was major and everyday when I look in the mirror, I see the scar.  Every time I shower, I feel the bump.  Just lifting my left arm a certain way will cause the port to shift and remind me that I have cancer and nothing is normal any more.

Just having all the procedures and going in for the reports takes another layer of strength.  You have to be ready for anything a doctor may say.  Another layer of strength.  There have been times when I was very proud of myself for maintaining my composure while the doctor went on and on about all the things going on in my body and what must be done.  Trying to remove myself from the picture, pretending we are talking about someone else.  Another layer of strength....but ultimately, you know, that scan they just flashed up on the screen.....is you. 

Your family/husband/friends need layers of strength too.  Call it protection.  They need a layer, actually an iron glove, to fit tightly around their hearts, because they take such a beating over time.  They have to find a layer of strength to watch as you go through countless procedures, just to live or stop the pain. I have seen that look in John's eyes, wishing he could do something to make it easier for me.  But he couldn't, I have to be the one.  Another layer of strength.



Like I said, this fight is not for the weak.  Lots and lots of layers upon layers of strength are needed to pull my wagon through all of this.


PCQ

Chef Smackdown!

Sunday was an awesome day.  Meredith had called some time back to say she was selected along with five other chefs, to be in the Chesapeake Bay Wine Classic Foundation Chef Smackdown at the Virginia Beach Convention Center.

Today was the day.  John and I drove up to Virginia Beach and met my party-in-a-box friend, Kay, and her husband, Bill around lunchtime.  They had driven in from Old Church to enjoy the day with us.

The convention center was filled with food and wine.  Around the perimeter were restaurants giving away samples of their food.

The center of the building was filled with wine companies and every imaginable type of wine you could want and a wine glass was given to all ticket holders.  What a fun day!

Basically, it was an Iron Chef competition.  On the day of the competition, the six chefs draw names to see who their partner will be.  They would be taken to the local sponsoring Farm Fresh Market and given $200 to purchase food.  There would be a time limit on preparation: Cocktail 10 minutes, Appetizer 20 minutes, Main Entree 30 minutes, and Dessert 20 minutes.  Plus, there would be a secret ingredient revealed just before the start of the competition and it must be used in every dish.  No one could bring any other food in.

Secret ingredient was ......OLD BAY SEASONING!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/awriterforyou/sets/72157623716510909/show/

Chef Smackdown - Chesapeake Bay Wine Classic - 11 April 2010

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Kevin Brauch from the Iron Chef and Thirsty Traveler was the MC of the event.  And, thankfully, he REALLY liked Meredith right from the start.  She was paired with Alvin Williams, chef/owner of Cobalt, a restaurant in Virginia Beach.  Apparently, he and Meredith worked well together, and their team got the nickname, Chocolate Duo.  Kevin Brauch even mentioned watching them in the grocery store with Meredith tabulating the totals as they went through and Kevin pushing the cart for her.

At the end of the day, surrounded by Meredith's friends, I stood there nervous and shaking!  Would she win?  She had sent an email to me the night before and said she entered to win!  Will it happen? As they announced the winners, Meredith and Kevin won the Cocktail Competition and the Main Entree.  For the entree, they had pan seared scallops with her handmade ravioli stuffed with blue cheese and crabmeat.  But that was enough points to put them over the top for most points and winner of the grand prize!

You can check out my video of the winners being announced.  It is really hard to hear with all the noise, but you will hear him cheering on the "Chocolate Duo!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lD1zteJnSE

Also, while walking around, Chris and Phyllis, parents of Meredith's roommate, Ashley, stopped me and introduced themselves.  They immediately knew me from my blog and were ever so sweet!

What a wonderful day.  Don't have many that are more exciting than this!

PCQ

Easter and Anniversary

Lauren came home from St. Louis for Easter weekend.  Was great to have her home for a few days.   Made sure we had BBQ from Pie's for her.  Wouldn't be home without BBQ.

On Saturday night, Karah and Travis, Lauren's friends from Chapel Hill came to visit.  Karah and Travis are getting married in May, and during my picking times, I have been gathering old milk bottles and blue jars for them to use for decorations.  They will be married in the mountains of North Carolina and it was grand hearing all of their plans.

On Sunday, my mother came and we all went to church together then came home and fixed a wonderful meal.  Mom brought chicken and we made chicken pastry, candied yams, butterbeans, and her fine oven corn bread!

Rest of the time was spent catching up, looking at old photos and enjoying the beautiful weather.  We did see several bursts of pollen.  While eating lunch on Sunday, we could see the pine tree in our back yard and as a light breeze would blow, the limbs would just "explode" with a yellow pollen cloud.  I have seen pollen before, but I think this year was the most extreme.

Mom spent the night with us and Monday was our anniversary #35.   John and I were married at the WRAL-TV Azalea Gardens in Raleigh at 2 p.m. in a small family ceremony, then off we went to Montego Bay, Jamaica.  The wind was blowing that day too, but it was beautiful and the azaleas were in full bloom.  Seems like only yesterday, how time flies.

John brought flowers home Monday, for our anniversary and put them on the table outside.  They are beautiful.  Instead of a card, the pollen was so deep on the glass, he easily wrote, "Happy Anniversary".

But, back to the real world. Lauren went with me to my chemo treatment Monday morning and it was so nice to have her with me for a while.

PCQ

Clark Wild Bunch Plus One!

Last Friday, some of my favorite little (and big) ones came to visit!  It was the Clark Wild Bunch, plus Laura Neal.   And I know, the photos are mostly of the children, but with such beautiful children, it is easy to see why.

Caroline got to take a ride on Chip.  She was very brave and jumped right up on top, grabbed a hank of hair to hold on, and she was ready to ride!

Sarah Ruth was more interested in the scarves we made.  Sure hope everyone enjoyed the colors.

Jeff was focused on fishing.  Turned out not to be a good fishing day for him.  Told him our fish wouldn't eat no stinking plastic worms!

Thanks for the visit, the food, the love, and all the laughs Clark Wild Bunch + One!!

Hurry back!

PCQ

Meredith Was Home

Meredith came home for Easter and our anniversary.  It was so wonderful to have her here.  With her, she brought her friend, Christy.  Haven't seen Christy in a while so it was good to catch up with her and all she has going on.

Christy lives on Hatteras Island, which in itself is a challenge.  Anyone who lives on a tiny sliver of sand that is constantly pounded by the weather has to be pretty resilient.  That's Christy.

We had fun sitting in the sun, playing with the dogs, talking about all of our friends on Hatteras and just enjoying our time together.

I had a scarf project I was working on, so Meredith got her friends engaged in it too and we made some beautiful art with the silk.

Before long, Holly and Freddy, more friends of Meredith, dropped in.  We had a grand time together.

As you can see, we got everyone involved in making the scarves.  Even Freddy!

Nothing like having a house full of young people, talking, laughing, and remembering great times!

PCQ

Bluebird Story

I have always loved bluebirds.  Their beautiful color and sweet demeanor just seem to fit the perfect bird.  My first memory of bluebirds came when I was a little girl, helping my daddy clean out the tobacco barn burners to get them ready for the summer curing season.   I remember with horror, opening the little glass door to the heater flue and seeing several bluebirds, dead, in the bottom.  I cried and cried and my daddy told me how sorry he was, but the design of the flue pipes lured the birds in and then they weren't able to get out.  "Why couldn't you leave the doors open so they could fly out?" I said.  From that time on, he did, but a lot of other tobacco farmers didn't and the bluebird population in eastern North Carolina took a dive.


John and I have worked hard to restore the bluebird population around our home.  When we first built our house, we used the leftover cypress siding to construct 10 bluebird houses and placed them around the perimeter of the farm.  We have since added many more and would love to know how many birds are descendants from our little project.  But, they have given us more enjoyment than anything we have done for them.

Every year, I clean out the boxes around the first of March and make any necessary repairs, getting them ready for the new breeding season.  I always look forward to watching my birds carefully select a box and build their nest.   Sometimes, house sparrows want to invade and disrupt the building process.  Sparrows will go in and build a nest right on top of baby bluebirds, so I watch them closely to make sure that doesn't happen.

A few years ago, I had a particularly difficult time with one nesting box right near the house.  A sparrow was determined to destroy the bluebird nest and I was determined he would not.  After a few days, the sparrow gave up and my bluebird got her nest in order and laid five beautiful blue eggs.   Gestation period for bluebirds is about two weeks, so I began my watch.  Everyday, when I went out to the pond, I would stop by and make sure the nest was still okay.

One day, I happened to hear the mama bluebird making a terrible fuss.  I looked at the nest and saw her jumping about obviously distressed with something that was going on inside.  As I got closer, I saw the head of a black snake peering out of the entrance.  Oh no, he'll eat my babies, so I ran to the house to get a hoe.  When I returned to the nest, the snake was slithering down the fence post and was gone into the grass before I could take his head off!

I quickly opened the box to see if all my babies had been eaten, and to my shock and surprise.....there was ANOTHER SNAKE in the box.  YIKES!!!   Never expected that!  He soon slid out but I was ready for him.  Don't think he'll eat any more bluebirds.  But, the nest was empty, my babies were gone.  It is so hard sometimes to reconcile your love for certain species and know that they are just part of the food chain and be it a bug or a bluebird, it all fits in the big picture.

And we must all remember, it just comes down to this..... it's a snake eat bluebird world!

PCQ

My Friend Was Here

Kay, me, Lauren, and Claire

Summer 2007

My party in a box friend, Kay, came on Tuesday.  It's always like a whirlwind when she comes in and we just never seem to have time to do all the things we set out to do.  Guess that is what makes our friendship so wonderful.  She always leaves with me begging her to please stay just a wee bit longer!

With her she brings gifts.  Sometimes big, sometimes small, but she always brings something to make me feel special.  A new bottle of lotion, wonderful bars of soap, little things that let me know she cares about me and it works.  Whenever I use the soap, lotion, or whatever she brings, I think of her and it makes me smile.  She is the true meaning of the old saying, "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver the other gold."

But mostly, we talk.  I can talk to Kay about anything in the world.  Don't I wish everyone had a friend like her.  She never judges anything I do.  Though sometimes she does laugh at me, but sometimes I need that too.  She seems to know when I am hurting inside, even though I do my best to have a smile on my face.  Guess she has known me too long.  We did get on the school bus together for our very first day of school, and through thick and thin, we have remained close friends.  We spend a week at the beach together each summer.  I was in her wedding, she was in mine.  I helped her when her first son was born and she has helped me with mine.  My girls even call her Aunt Kay.  We are family, our lives have been intertwined for so long, we have become like Siamese twins, one couldn't live without the other, too much would be lost.

When she came this time, there was no wine shared, she had given it up for Lent.  That worked out really good for me, cause I had given it up for chemo.  Amazing how different experiences yield the same results.

But now she is gone and the house is silent.  She leaves a big hole when she drives away.

I love you Kay.

PCQ

Busy...and Loving Every Minute!

Sarah Ruth having fun in the water pond last Friday.

Been too busy to blog.  John says he is going to unhook the phone and put a chain across the driveway.  Having lots of fun and will get you all updated as soon as I have a little free time.

Second chemo treatment on Monday.  Lauren is home and will go with me.

PCQ

Personal Grooming

This is an article from the Sunday, March 28th, News and Observer written by Celia Rivenbark.  Thought it might amuse you too.

Personal grooming can wait, hons
Celia Rivenbark


By now I'm sure that most of you have heard about the Florida woman who caused a two-vehicle wreck because she was shaving her bikini area while driving.


Guess that makes the time you drove with your elbows while eating the Whopper seem downright virtuous, doesn't it?


Florida Highway Patrol troopers said the car Megan Barnes was driving crashed into the back of a pickup truck at about 45 mph.  Her reaction time was slowed because she was too busy grooming her private area to pay attention to the road.  Oh, like that's never happened to you?


Ms. Barnes told the investigating officer that she was on her way to a date and "wanted to be ready for the visit."


Yes, she wanted to look her best.  All over.  Except, well, we've seen Ms. Barnes' mug shot and she appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart.


It could've been worse, I suppose.  Ms. Barnes could've been waxing her bikini area as she drove along in her T'bird (Yes, fun, fun, fun, till the po-lice took her T-Bird awaaaaaayy) on these scenic bridges.  Imagine the horror if she'd tossed the used wax strips out the window.  The manatees might have tried to adopt them.


Hons, I've driven on this particular stretch of highway between Miami and Key West and it's flat-out beautiful with crystal blue water, gorgeous mangroves and cloudless skies.


Not once have I been so bored that I decided I'd rather drag a sharp blade over my nether regions just to have something to do.

There are so many "You might be a redneck if" elements to the story of Megan Barnes, but my favorite is that, while performing this extremely personal grooming ritual, she asked her ex-husband to steer the car so she could concentrate ("Help me out, Buford, I'm gonna make it look like a lightning bolt !")


What a guy!  Not only did he hold the steering wheel so she could concentrate on primping for her big date with another man, but when the cops arrived, he tried to switch places and claim he'd been driving.


Trouble was, he had burns on his chest from the airbag that had deployed on the passenger side only.  Oops.


To no one's particular surprise, the Highway Patrol quickly discovered that Ms. Barnes didn't have a valid driver's license.  Oh, and, the day before, she'd been convicted of DUI and driving with a suspended license.  Oh, and her car had been seized and had no insurance or registration.  Oh, and she was on probation.  Oh, and she's a flippin' lunatic!


Albeit an impeccably groomed one.

Hope you enjoyed it....and think about that the next time you are driving down the road.


PCQ