Emails and Notes

I receive so many kind emails and notes from friends and family.  They do truly warm my heart and help me weather the struggles in pulling my wagon.  Sometimes it seems the load is just too heavy, but something or someone comes along and the words of encouragement help me find the strength.  


This is an email that I received this week about my Sisyphus blog posted on September 1, 2010. ( I have the blog posted below.)  Several of you have used postings from my blog in Sunday School classes or Bible study, and that is really an honor.  Maybe my journey will help others.


PCQ


To My Dear Friend Pat,

Thanks for the update and we are so glad to hear that John responded
positively yesterday.  I trust that you are home now. 

Please know that you and John are inspiring others in so many ways.  

And, I must tell you that I shared your Sisyphus blog entry with my SS
class last week as we discussed how we deal with our own boulders. 


Thank you for the ways you are ministering to others. 




Sisyphus


Had a chemotherapy treatment on Tuesday and I'm tired. Physically tired. Mentally tired. Having cancer and all the accoutrements that go with it, just wear you out. It wears down your soul. I've lived with it for six years now, and especially for the last year, it has been difficult.  Thousands of miles driving to and from the doctor and hospital. Visit after visit, procedure after procedure.

Having cancer is a little like the Greek myth of Sisyphus. Remember Sisyphus? The guy who had to roll a huge boulder up a hill each day, only to almost get to the top and have it roll back down again. So he had to do it all over again the next day. I think Sisyphus at least got to rest at night. When you have cancer, you have to keep rolling that boulder. If you stop or give up, it will roll back down over you.

Sisyphus was a bad guy. He deserved that whole thing with the boulder. He probably should have gotten worse punishment. So I've been wondering, can I tell someone that I learned my lesson? That I'm sorry for whatever it is I did to cause the cancer?

Of course I can't. Cancer is not punishment. It's an indiscriminate killer. Cancer doesn't care who you are or what you've done. It doesn't care if you're a good person, or bad. Or like most of us, a little of both. It doesn't care if your life is in shambles, if you are rich or poor....or if you've totally gotten your act together. It comes when it wants to. Maybe that's why it seems so cruel.

I would imagine that while Sisyphus was rolling that boulder up the hill each day, he thought about all the bad things he'd done. At least you'd hope he did. I think that most cancer patients think about the bad things the cancer has done.

But maybe I've got this all backwards. Maybe it's the cancer that's Sisyphus. Every day I get up and it has to start all over again. I hadn't thought of that before. I sort of like the idea.

I hope the cancer is getting tired and frustrated of pushing on me. I hope it's thinking about all the bad things it's done. Cause I'm going to make it work really hard to get me.


PCQ