Messages of Love

I have received so many emails from John's online "girlfriends and buddies", as I called them. As many of you know, John joined an online smoking cessation group on about.com when he stopped smoking many years ago.  He met so many wonderful people all over the world and as he became more confident in his "quit", he started paying forward and helping the newbies as they came in the group, struggling to stop the Nicodemon.  All the people he met thought he was wonderful, nicknamed him Brother John, and so appreciated his help.  Maybe they didn't know but they were helping him even more.  See, when you quit, you can have a QuitMeter on your computer that ticks off the number of cigarettes you would have smoked, how much money you have saved, and how many days you have added to your life.  You also have your quit date on your profile and if you smoke just ONE cigarette, then you must start all over.  Each milestone, is marked with a key presentation.  John learned from those that walked before him and he wanted to help others.  

Here's a touching email from one of his friends that I would like to share with you.

Dear Pat,

    I rarely visit the smoking forum, so only just learned that John is now with our Father.  As you more than anyone know, he was such a good man.  I had received a bad doctor's report and continuing to smoke was not even a remote alternative.  I have no family in this area, none of my friends smoked -- I was pretty scared and felt very alone.  John was the first person I met in the forum and I vividly remember he was celebrating his 100th smoke-free day.  John extended the hand of friendship over the miles and not only did I no longer feel alone, the fear was replaced with strength.

    He often talked about you, Pat -- always referring to you as his bride.  I recall asking him about his family and he told me "32 years ago I married my best friend and beer drinking buddy."  He shared that he had a long spell of not smoking after an accident in 94 -- "because my bride wouldn't get me any" .. When he talked about you, I could literally feel the deep love and I remember thinking one evening that you and he had one of those rare loves, the kind that stretches beyond time and space as we know it.

    When Lauren was coming to St. Louis for interviews, John asked about the universities and I was able to send him information on them.  We talked about meeting for a cup of coffee when you all visited here, but life seems to have gotten in the way.

    I know John has now touched the face of God and he has been healed and made whole.  And I also know that he lives on here in the hearts and memories of the many whose lives he touched.  I think there will be times when you feel a gentle breeze caress your cheek when there is no wind at all -- and you will know it is just John saying hello and looking out for you.

    You and your daughters will stay in my prayers.

Fondly,

XXXXXX

The next email was an addition to the one above....I have left out her name because it really wasn't needed.  Her love comes through without it.

Pat,

    I meant to tell you that one of the forum members opened a thread for John.  I'm sure that someone probably let you know, but too many times we all wait because we thought someone else did it.  You can get to it with this link   92149.1

    I read your blog and cried many tears with and for you.  If you do not mind, I would like to share something else with you.  I am a three-time cancer survivor.  I went into surgery on the third bout with the knowledge that my odds of surviving were 99 to 1 that I would not survive.  And I nearly did not.  I am told my family was called to the hospital about 3:00 a.m. to say their goodbyes, but I don't remember seeing anyone.  At some point, I seemed to be floating above my hospital bed and I could clearly see my doctor on one side of me and my minister on the other.  I knew they were praying, but I was unaware of any sound.  Suddenly I seemed enveloped in a lavender cloud.  I don't remember actually seeing this cloud, it was more of an impression of lavender.  But the strongest impression I had was of love -- just the purest and most beautiful love, and it was so powerful that I knew that no human could endure even the tiniest bit more.

    I cannot explain this, but I suddenly knew that it was my choice -- I could go along with the cloud, or I could return to that hospital bed.  The hospital bed meant agonizing pain. The lavender love meant the end of the pain.  Even now, I'm kind of amazed that I remember analyzing my choices.  Thanksgiving had just passed and my entire family had come to my home for the holiday.  It was an especially good holiday with everyone sharing a lot of love,  I knew that my family knew I loved them.  My friends had been more than supportive.  I thought of my best friend.  She was having a terribly hard time -- her marriage was failing, her finances almost non-existent.  We had a discount store whose merchandise was composed of stock other stores had been unable to sell.  To try to boost her spirits, she had bought herself a new dress.  I remember her telling me that it cost $4.00.  And I suddenly wished I had told her how nice it looked on her.  Poof!  I was back in that hospital bed, wracked with pain.  December will mark the XXth anniversary of that night -- and I am still here. 

    I always thought that if I had a near death experience, I'd see that tunnel with the light at the end; or some relative or dear person who had passed on coming to escort me.  But what I recall is the impression of a lavender cloud and a love so strong and so pure that it is indescribable.  From that day to this, I have had no fear of dying.  I know that love all wrapped up in lavender will be waiting,  Somehow I know, Pat, that John began his journey enveloped in the love of you and your daughters and, though I don't know if his cloud was lavender, I know he was met and escorted home on a cloud of almost unendurably pure love. 

Fondly,

XXXX

Share the love....what a beautiful note from John's friend that I will probably never meet.

PCQ