Hunting Season

My party-in-a-box friend, Kay, came to stay with me when I had my port surgery a few weeks back, and I neglected to post about our hunting expedition then.  Please excuse me, I was still under the influence of drugs.  Here goes...

When we got home from the Surgicenter, we were both really tired, so we turned off the phone and took a nap.  Wasn't long before we were awakened by my pups barking.  Nick and Holden were standing by my big birch shade tree....and looking up.  Couldn't see anything at first, but then, there it was, a critter in the tree.

I could tell it was rather large, too big for a squirrel, so I thought it was a nutria.  John always hated to see them around the farm.  They burrow holes in the ground and the banks of the ponds.  That can be very dangerous.  The tunnels can undermine the integrity of the bank and if someone inadvertently steps on or drives across the make shift home, it can cause major troubles.  Nutria were accidentally introduced to the US many years ago and have made themselves at home, at the expense of farmers and other native animals.

But, my concern right that moment was getting the dogs inside so there would be no contact between them and whatever this was.  They didn't want to leave.  There was "something" in the tree and they were all too willing to stand guard and make sure everything was safe.  Finally, they reluctantly came in. Once they were safely inside, I had to make a decision, what should I do about the critter?  I know what John would have done.  He would have walked to the gun closet, picked up his gun, loaded it and walked out on the deck and took aim.  I wasn't feeling so confident.  Still under the influence of the anesthesia from the surgery, and warned not to drive, make any major decisions, or sign any important documents for the next 24 hours, I did what any "widow woman" would do....I called my neighbor, Rick.

Rick has been ever so helpful since John passed away, always here within five minutes of me calling for help.  And today was no different.  He was on his way.  But, in the meantime, the thought occurred to me in my still drug induced state, this is a photo opportunity, so Kay and I began our plan.  Rick was there shortly, but by then, Kay and I had scoured the closets, for our "hunting outfits".

After he stopped laughing at our garb, he took aim and the critter fell from the tree.  Please know, I do not like to kill anything, except roaches, ants, rats, mosquitoes, spiders...well maybe a few things, but I am a "live and let live" person.  But, this was a threat to my pups and can cause a lot of damage.

The furry carcass didn't move.  "Check to see if it's dead, Rick," I yelled from my safe perch up on the deck.  He walked over and with the barrel of his gun, turned it over.

I learned that lesson when I was just a little one, just cause it is not moving, doesn't mean it is dead.  I picked up what I thought was a dead squirrel once, only to find out it was just stunned.  The squirrel woke up and thought my arm was a tree limb and I was marked for life, but it was a lesson well learned.  Make sure it is dead.

"It's a ground hog," Rick said. "Oh no, I thought it was a nutria.  It's not against the law or protected is it?" I said.  "Oh no, they are pests too.  I just tore the axle out of my trailer after I ran over one of their burrows," he said.  I felt better after that, but I still felt sad looking at the dead wood chuck on the ground.

But that didn't last too long.  Kay and I had a photo op and we weren't going to let it pass.  So, this is what we did.

Two wild women with a gun...actually, it is a BB gun.  But we still had fun.  Sent out an email to some of my buddies and told them we came home from surgery and it was such a beautiful day, we decided to go hunting.  Bagged a "hog".

But that is not the end of the hunting story.  The next day, we went to get lunch at Pie's, a local eatery that serves the very best BBQ in the world. Please note that I am a NC certified BBQ judge and have judged more BBQ than you want to know!  So that mention is backed by taste buds well honed by years of tasting fine pork.

As we drive up at Pie's, there is a truck with a huge wild turkey on the tailgate with a handsome young fellow proudly holding on to it.  Turkey season opens for youth this time of year and this young man had a beauty.  But couldn't let this photo opportunity pass.

When we got back home, I sent out another email, "Feeling better today, but busy.  Went hunting again, but only had time to bag one gobbler."

Still makes me smile.  Hope it makes smiles for all of you, too.

PCQ

Shingles and Shingles

Looks like I will get all new shingles on my house, over 50% damage, he said.  The adjuster was ever so nice.  He had come all the way from Florida to help with the tornado damage assessments.  Just glad I have that checked off my list of things to be done.  I made a list of all I knew had been damaged, but he noticed more.

Needless to say, my life has been stressful.  Thankfully, I do always feel like I am in control, even though I may not like what I am controlling.

I'd been itching too, so I thought I had red bugs or poison ivy/oak.  I had pulled a few weeds, planted flowers and raked some in the yard a few days before it started.  It began with just a patch, but that didn't last long.  Soon, it spread and was driving me nuts.  Not only did it itch, it ached and hurt!  But by then,  I was away from home and no matter what I put on it, there was no relief.  When I got back home, still scratching and moaning, there was tornado damage to deal with.  So, it was Wednesday before I could get an appointment with the doctor.  I had done my research on line by then and been scratching for well over a week.

When the doctor walked in, he greeted me, and asked how I was doing.  "I'm doing well considering," I said.  "I'm pretty sure I know what I have, but wanted to see if you agreed."  He opened my gown and looked at the red rash on my back, closed it quickly and said, "I know what it is, what do you think it is?"  "Shingles," I responded.  "You are right, and a good case of it, I might add," he said as he sat down and started pounding on the keyboard by his computer.

"We're just in a little of a pickle, though, you're past the point I can give you anything to stop it, but we may be able to dry it up a bit.  But no guarantee...and your chemo limits what can be done too.  How bad is the pain?"  "Bad enough, but I've tolerated it this far," I said.  "Been using the numbing cream I use for my port and the pain medicine I already have. It helps but there are two things, first the itching and then the pain in the muscles around it, they are different."

(This is the way it looked in the beginning, so you can understand why I thought it was poison or red bugs.  It eventually wrapped almost all the way around.  Guess the bruising is from the incessant scratching and rubbing on the door jamb like a pig.  And yes, I had tried to get the vaccine last fall when I got my flu and pneumonia shot but chemo patients cannot get it due to the fact it is a live virus vaccine.)

He reached in a drawer and pulled out his visual aid, a small simulated section of backbone, to help explain what was going on. "Shingles is a viral infection of the nerve roots in your spine.  When you had chicken pox when you were a child, the virus didn't go away, it just went to sleep on these nerve endings.  In some people, it wakes up and presents itself as shingles.  We're not sure why it affects some people and not others, but there are certain factors that can influence it," he said.  He held up the small section of backbone, and wiggled the little nerve endings that protruded out from the vertebrae. "Shingles causes pain and often causes a rash on one side of the body. The rash appears in a band, a strip, or a small area. Shingles is most common in older adults and people who have weak immune systems because of stress, injury, certain medicines, or other reasons.  Of course, you fit into all of those categories.  Most people who get shingles will get better and 92% will not get it again.  But, with the luck you have been having, you may be in the other 8%!"  

Nice, I thought.

We chatted for a few more minutes and he was ready to leave, but he paused and said, "I sure miss John.  He was one of my favorite patients.  I always enjoyed seeing him come in."  The tears started welling up in my eyes.  "I didn't mean to upset you, I know it is hard, but I just couldn't leave without saying that.  Please know, even if I don't say anything, I miss him too."  He closed the door and I sat there and cried.

PCQ

What a Week!

I had to hit the ground running when I got back.  Toto, we're not in Kansas any more.  Thankfully, by the time I got home the electricity came on and of course, that made life better.  Friends tried to get me to stay with them, but how can you do that when you want to be home.  Scuffed up and damaged, home is still the place that gives comfort.  Guess that is why it hurts my heart so much to see all the destruction around me.  So many homes and lives transformed by those few minutes last Saturday.

This past week has gone by so fast.  Jumping from one task to another, trying to manage all the help and offers has been a challenge, especially when I am limited in what I can do.

So many people calling, stopping by, all worried about me and my home.  Many of them found it amusing that I was ever so happy.  "She's tickled to death," one of them said as he spoke with his wife by phone.  And I am, can't believe my house is still here.  It has every right to be gone, but it isn't.  John always said he put enough nails in this house, if it went, then we would have more issues to worry about than this house.  He was right.  And when people come by to assess damage, one of the statements they make is, "John built you a good house."  Yes he did.  It's scuffed up pretty bad, but we're still standing.

PCQ

Tornado Photos

Broken glass, damaged chairs...still looking for some of my things.  You can see little bloody paw prints on the steps.  Holden cut his foot.

My beautiful shade tree, gone.

Classroom in the middle school. 

Back of my house....I still have a house.  Many are not so fortunate.

Lunchroom at the middle school.  Congressman Butterfield came to see for himself.

Ceiling in the middle school.

View out my kitchen window....ugghh, just had all of my windows washed one week before the storm!  But I still have windows.  None of them were broken.

What's left of the round pen where the horses are trained. My house is in the background.

View out my back door.

Greene Central High School students try to put the pieces back together.  We sustained over $100K in damage there.

PCQ

Tornado

You can see from the photos in the previous post, we had a wonderful time in the Bahamas.  But, Saturday, we saw the news and realized there was bad weather back home.

Before I left, I had secured the chairs and other objects that may be blown around by the wind, little did I know what was to come.  Eastern NC was being pounded by storms, so much so, it was making the news on CNN and the Weather Channel.  Having lived in NC all of my life, I know the dangers associated with these storms.  There is really nothing you can do but watch the skies and be ready.

Of course I was worried, the news was focusing on our area of NC.  There had already been a tornado in Sanford and the Lowes Home Improvement store was destroyed, but hopefully, the worst of it was over.  So, we went to dinner and had a lovely time.

After dinner, my daughter, Meredith received a text alerting us there was trouble near Snow Hill.  Phone service had been really difficult for us and very expensive, so most were not using our phones.  But maybe I did need to check on things so I went to my room.  The television was still on the Weather Channel and I saw the devastation.  It was too close so I sent a text to a neighbor, "Just saw there were tornadoes in Snow Hill, are you okay?  Is my house okay?"  She replied immediately, "You need to call Tommy, he's been trying to reach you."  As soon as I read that, my heart began to pound.  Tommy helps me with our farm and has been wonderful to me since John passed away.  He looks after my pups when I am away or not feeling well and is always checking things for me.  "What's wrong...is my house okay?" I typed.  "You need to call Tommy!  Can I call you now?"

As soon as I saw that, tears welled up in my eyes.  I knew it wasn't good, but how bad was it?  The Weather Channel was then showing photos of the Greene County Middle School....it was destroyed, buses were moved, and I could see the path of the tornado, headed right toward my house which is separated by a stand of trees but right behind the middle school.

The phone rang.  "Is my house okay?"  "There's been some damage to the roof and there are lots of trees down," she said.  "You need to call Tommy, he checked on it but there are so many trees down, I'm not sure what was damaged."

It was getting late but I had to know what was going on so I started making more calls.  Lots of people had tried to check on me, but they couldn't get to my house.  Too many buildings or trees in the road.  Finally, I got through to our superintendent of schools, yes, it was true, the school was destroyed.  He had tried to check on my house too, but couldn't get through.  "Your house is still there, I could see it, but couldn't get through because of all the debris.  I did call Rick, your neighbor and he said the same thing.  House is still there but a lot of trees down. Think there is damage to the roof, but we can see the house."  By then I was in tears.  What was I going to do, I needed to be home.  What about my pups, the horses, my chickens?  He promised me he would get there some how in the morning to check for me so we hung up.  As you can imagine, all sorts of thoughts were going through my head and most of them were not good.  I went downstairs to share the news.

By early morning, calls were coming in with news.  My house was still there, no electricity, trees down, roof scuffed up pretty bad, but it was still there.  Friends had already come in to clear the way to the house.  My pups were okay.  Not much I could do but stay on schedule to get home that day and start work.

Amazing how the pendulum of life can swing so quickly. One minute you can be on top of the world, the next......  My wagon load was getting ready to be real full.

PCQ

  

Trip

After John passed away, it was my hope that my girls and I could go on a trip together.  Didn't really matter where, just get away and enjoy life.

Somewhere warm and sunny would be nice, but anywhere as long as we could be together as a family.  And that plan did come together.  A friend of a friend was going to the Bahamas and I thought it would be great to be somewhere there were people I know.  John was my rock so I never worried about what I would do if something went wrong.  But he is gone and now I must depend on my own strength.  Still, with all the obstacles I have in my life, I wanted to have assurance that if something happened, there would be people that could help.  And it worked out better than I could have ever imagined.

We went to the Atlantis in the Bahamas, a plethora of fun, sun, and food, where we were, thanks to the generosity of fine friends, treated like royalty.  There is no way I can ever thank everyone for the thoughtfulness and love given to me and my family.  Maybe the smiles will show it all.

Lauren and Jake 

Lauren, dancer, me, and Meredith

Meredith, Lauren, Lee, and Mary

Meredith, me, Lauren and Jake 

Sunset at the One and Only Ocean Club

If you like pina coladas.....a toast at sunset.

Dinner at the Bahamian in Atlantis.

View from my room at the Atlantis Imperial Towers!

Hope you can see from the photos, a great time was had by all.  I must say, it is so much easier to pull your wagon when you start the day with a massage, have a cabana boy to serve you on the beach, and are surrounded by family and wonderful friends in a place that can only be described as magical!

PCQ

Shoulder Pain - Continued

There were so many things that had to be done before surgery.  With constant pain, it makes it easy to put them off, but some had to be dealt with, like taxes, farm maintenance, etc.  They couldn't wait and I didn't know how long it would be before I was back to at least "chemo normal".

My "party in a box" friend, Kay, had offered to come stay with me and I was so looking forward to having her here.  She arrived the day before surgery.  On her way in, she stopped and picked up our friend, Harold, Mayor of N. Walstonburg, and we all went out for my last meal before surgery.  It was wonderful to spend time together and have a great meal at Ribeyes in Snow Hill.  After dinner, Kay and I took Harold home, then back to get everything in place for the next day.

I was scheduled to be at the Surgicenter at 6:15 Friday morning.  We were there with time to spare, but it was April Fools Day...so I wore one of my fun hats as we walked into the building.  It was still dark outside when we arrived, but through the windows of the building, people already inside could see us coming.  As they noticed my hat, they poked the person next to them and pointed.  They were all smiling and that was what I wanted.

After signing in, agreeing to let them do whatever they wanted to do to me, and giving them some money, we were issued a buzzer and we had a seat.  Paula, Joan, and Annie would join Kay in the "fun" and that made all of this procedure much more festive and tolerable.

Soon, the nurse came out to get me.  The minute she saw my hat, she smiled too.  It was hard. Again, I was in one of the rooms John was in for one of his many procedures. The flashback to that day, the concern I had for him.  I started crying and my nurse scurried over to see what was wrong.  She thought I was afraid because of the surgery.  But that wasn't why I was crying.  I told her about John and she leaned over, hugged me, and said, "Oh darling, I am so sorry."

Before long, I was undressed, gown on, IV in, had talked with the anesthesiologist, and was ready for surgery.  Paula and Kay came back to be with me and the surgeon came in to talk.  My surgeon is tall, handsome, very articulate and best of all, wears cowboy boots.  He went over what we were getting ready to do, but in the process, he really emphasized his concerns.  "I want you all to know we are taking out a perfectly good operating port that may or may not be causing pain, to put in another perfectly good operating port.  I want to make sure we are all on the same page...do you understand?"  He continued to go over this same subject with them.  It wasn't new to me, he had given me the same spiel when I went in to request the surgery, but I learned later, it really upset Kay and Paula.

I was whisked away to the operating room and the last thing I remember was telling the nurse I was cold and they put warm blankets on me and a mask over my face and told to breathe deep.  I hate to say it, but after all the pain I had endured, I embraced the chance for deep sleep and hopefully closure for all of this.

Next thing I remember, the nurse was with me in my room asking me to wake up.  As soon as I woke up, I knew my shoulder was better.  I know that sounds crazy, I was still under the effects of the anesthesia, but I knew!  A few minutes later, the surgeon stuck his head in and said, "You were right, it was leaking!"

Below is a photo taken by my friend Annie, as I was leaving.  Remember it was April Fools Day, so I put my hat on and my bubba teeth in.  As I was being rolled out, I said, "Be careful if you go back there, I was fine when I came in!"

Soon we were home resting.  And all was well!  What a relief.

PCQ

Shoulder Pain

A few posts back, I told you I have been having shoulder problems since shortly after John died and it seemed as though my life was spiraling down and out of control.  I couldn't sleep, eat, or do anything without constant pain.

I had been to an orthopedist, had a CT scan, MRI, X-Rays, and my chemo port line checked at the hospital to see if it was leaking or out of place.  Nothing....all results indicated everything was fine.  But I wasn't fine and I was getting worse, more pain.  Any of you who have ever had constant pain know you will do anything to get it to stop.  But nothing was working for me.  The pain medication I take for my cancer wasn't even touching it.  Yes, it would dull it a little, but the pain was still there.  And strong enough that I didn't want to be around anyone.

After John passed away, my chemo treatments were adjusted to every 3 weeks.  That was about the same time I started having the pain. The ortho doc had told me I had symptoms of rotary cuff problems.  Could be, and I thought as I felt better I would do more and then pull my shoulder and hurt it again.

As my situation progressed, I began to keep a log.  The intense pain still seemed to be erratic but after my chemo schedule was changed back to every two weeks, a pattern emerged.  The weekend following my chemo treatment I would get sick and the shoulder pain would intensify. I could feel the port line under my skin and there was one spot that was especially tender.   I gradually came to the conclusion, it had to be my port.

I made an appointment with the surgeon that placed the port last March.  He looked at all the tests, checked the port, and told me he could replace the port at my request, but he could not guarantee it would stop the pain.  I understood that, but the pain was so debilitating I had to do something and I was sure it was the port.  We set a date for surgery, Friday, 7:15 a.m., April 1st, (April Fool's Day), and I started getting my ducks in a row.  John was my rock and constant support.  I never worried about being taken care of....but he was gone.  I had to get another plan in place now.

Once everyone was aware of the surgery date....things just fell in place.  As a matter of a fact, so many friends offered to help and be with me for surgery, I thought we were going to need crowd control.  They started planning a party in the waiting room and all I could do was enjoy the love I was feeling.

But, even with all of that, I had major issues to think over.  What if the port wasn't what was causing the pain?  I had gone over everything...over and over and come to the conclusion, if it isn't the port, then what could it be?  Maybe the heartbreak of losing John had manifested itself as this pain.  Could I be going nuts?  I didn't think so, but I have never been down this road before. Could it be a brain tumor?  All these thoughts were swirling around in my head.

Everyone kept telling me how strong I was, how great I was doing, but I didn't feel like I was doing great.  I felt I was sinking.  I missed John, the chemo was so hard and the pain...the pain..and pain is something that will change the way you look at life and only you can deal with it.  Add to that a harsh cold winter that made me not even want to stick my toe out the door.

My friends and family checked on me and tried ever so hard to get me out and about, but I kept dodging invitations.  I just couldn't, didn't want to leave home.  Even my pups knew I didn't feel good.  They would come a sit by me with their little heads on the couch.  Periodically, they would nudge my hand and force me to give them a little love.

I did have a few bright spots during that time as you have seen in the blog.  But they were a struggle and always just a few days before my next treatment.

But surgery was on the calendar and if I could just make it till then, I knew all would be okay.

To be continued....
PCQ