A few posts back, I told you I have been having shoulder problems since shortly after John died and it seemed as though my life was spiraling down and out of control. I couldn't sleep, eat, or do anything without constant pain.
I had been to an orthopedist, had a CT scan, MRI, X-Rays, and my chemo port line checked at the hospital to see if it was leaking or out of place. Nothing....all results indicated everything was fine. But I wasn't fine and I was getting worse, more pain. Any of you who have ever had constant pain know you will do anything to get it to stop. But nothing was working for me. The pain medication I take for my cancer wasn't even touching it. Yes, it would dull it a little, but the pain was still there. And strong enough that I didn't want to be around anyone.
After John passed away, my chemo treatments were adjusted to every 3 weeks. That was about the same time I started having the pain. The ortho doc had told me I had symptoms of rotary cuff problems. Could be, and I thought as I felt better I would do more and then pull my shoulder and hurt it again.
As my situation progressed, I began to keep a log. The intense pain still seemed to be erratic but after my chemo schedule was changed back to every two weeks, a pattern emerged. The weekend following my chemo treatment I would get sick and the shoulder pain would intensify. I could feel the port line under my skin and there was one spot that was especially tender. I gradually came to the conclusion, it had to be my port.
I made an appointment with the surgeon that placed the port last March. He looked at all the tests, checked the port, and told me he could replace the port at my request, but he could not guarantee it would stop the pain. I understood that, but the pain was so debilitating I had to do something and I was sure it was the port. We set a date for surgery, Friday, 7:15 a.m., April 1st, (April Fool's Day), and I started getting my ducks in a row. John was my rock and constant support. I never worried about being taken care of....but he was gone. I had to get another plan in place now.
Once everyone was aware of the surgery date....things just fell in place. As a matter of a fact, so many friends offered to help and be with me for surgery, I thought we were going to need crowd control. They started planning a party in the waiting room and all I could do was enjoy the love I was feeling.
But, even with all of that, I had major issues to think over. What if the port wasn't what was causing the pain? I had gone over everything...over and over and come to the conclusion, if it isn't the port, then what could it be? Maybe the heartbreak of losing John had manifested itself as this pain. Could I be going nuts? I didn't think so, but I have never been down this road before. Could it be a brain tumor? All these thoughts were swirling around in my head.
Everyone kept telling me how strong I was, how great I was doing, but I didn't feel like I was doing great. I felt I was sinking. I missed John, the chemo was so hard and the pain...the pain..and pain is something that will change the way you look at life and only you can deal with it. Add to that a harsh cold winter that made me not even want to stick my toe out the door.
My friends and family checked on me and tried ever so hard to get me out and about, but I kept dodging invitations. I just couldn't, didn't want to leave home. Even my pups knew I didn't feel good. They would come a sit by me with their little heads on the couch. Periodically, they would nudge my hand and force me to give them a little love.
I did have a few bright spots during that time as you have seen in the blog. But they were a struggle and always just a few days before my next treatment.
But surgery was on the calendar and if I could just make it till then, I knew all would be okay.
To be continued....
PCQ
I had been to an orthopedist, had a CT scan, MRI, X-Rays, and my chemo port line checked at the hospital to see if it was leaking or out of place. Nothing....all results indicated everything was fine. But I wasn't fine and I was getting worse, more pain. Any of you who have ever had constant pain know you will do anything to get it to stop. But nothing was working for me. The pain medication I take for my cancer wasn't even touching it. Yes, it would dull it a little, but the pain was still there. And strong enough that I didn't want to be around anyone.
After John passed away, my chemo treatments were adjusted to every 3 weeks. That was about the same time I started having the pain. The ortho doc had told me I had symptoms of rotary cuff problems. Could be, and I thought as I felt better I would do more and then pull my shoulder and hurt it again.
As my situation progressed, I began to keep a log. The intense pain still seemed to be erratic but after my chemo schedule was changed back to every two weeks, a pattern emerged. The weekend following my chemo treatment I would get sick and the shoulder pain would intensify. I could feel the port line under my skin and there was one spot that was especially tender. I gradually came to the conclusion, it had to be my port.
I made an appointment with the surgeon that placed the port last March. He looked at all the tests, checked the port, and told me he could replace the port at my request, but he could not guarantee it would stop the pain. I understood that, but the pain was so debilitating I had to do something and I was sure it was the port. We set a date for surgery, Friday, 7:15 a.m., April 1st, (April Fool's Day), and I started getting my ducks in a row. John was my rock and constant support. I never worried about being taken care of....but he was gone. I had to get another plan in place now.
Once everyone was aware of the surgery date....things just fell in place. As a matter of a fact, so many friends offered to help and be with me for surgery, I thought we were going to need crowd control. They started planning a party in the waiting room and all I could do was enjoy the love I was feeling.
But, even with all of that, I had major issues to think over. What if the port wasn't what was causing the pain? I had gone over everything...over and over and come to the conclusion, if it isn't the port, then what could it be? Maybe the heartbreak of losing John had manifested itself as this pain. Could I be going nuts? I didn't think so, but I have never been down this road before. Could it be a brain tumor? All these thoughts were swirling around in my head.
Everyone kept telling me how strong I was, how great I was doing, but I didn't feel like I was doing great. I felt I was sinking. I missed John, the chemo was so hard and the pain...the pain..and pain is something that will change the way you look at life and only you can deal with it. Add to that a harsh cold winter that made me not even want to stick my toe out the door.
My friends and family checked on me and tried ever so hard to get me out and about, but I kept dodging invitations. I just couldn't, didn't want to leave home. Even my pups knew I didn't feel good. They would come a sit by me with their little heads on the couch. Periodically, they would nudge my hand and force me to give them a little love.
I did have a few bright spots during that time as you have seen in the blog. But they were a struggle and always just a few days before my next treatment.
But surgery was on the calendar and if I could just make it till then, I knew all would be okay.
To be continued....
PCQ
3 comments:
I hope the port was the answer to your pain . . . you're been dealing with it a long time. Since it's been 10 days now, I pray you have relief.
Willamina
So good to see a post. I was getting worried. My prayers are with you every day.
Gale
Good to see you back to your posting!! Glad things are looking up!!!
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