Harold 1920-2014

I was asked by Harold's family to speak at his service. It was an honor but probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. 

Several people have asked for a copy of my remarks. Here they are. I hope I did this wonderful man justice. 


Bailey's Pool Hall  - How many of you have called Harold and had that as his greeting?  

Harold lived a good life.  No, Harold lived a great life and I know all of you are proud to have been a part of  it.  I know I am.  That is why we are gathered here today, to honor and say good bye to a man we loved.

What a true Southern gentleman born and raised in Walstonburg. Affectionately known as the Mayor of North Walstonburg.

He was pulled away from Walstonburg only two times. Once to attend his beloved Carolina, where he graduated, and proudly wore that class ring till the very end.  The other time was as a soldier in WWII.  

Harold was kind, polite, loving, faithful, and had a heart  led by God.  Don’t think I ever saw him lose his temper.

Every Friday night, Harold and I went to join friends at O’Cools, a sports bar in Greenville.  Don't remember exactly when it started but it’s been going on for many many years and Harold did look forward to it.  If I had not called him by Thursday night to tell him when I would be there to pick him up, he was calling me.   It was on those trips to O’Cools that he shared his life. We talked about politics, sports, how he was feeling and about his family.  And speaking of family ...He was so proud of his grandchildren and great grandchildren. On our last trip, he talked on and on about his very young great grandchildren, Hunter and Davis, who called him Big Daddy,  "They are starting to get their own personalities he said….and I think I'm going to like them."

At O’Cool’s he had his own special chair, it was Harold's chair, and if they didn't have his favorite sandwich, a Reuben, on the menu that night, well, it didn't matter, all he had to do was ask for it.  There's a regular crowd that comes each Friday night and he always had a lot of people stopping by to say hello. Everyone there loved Harold, and not many nights passed that he didn't have a cute young girl sharing time and stories with him.  

On the way home from OCools, we always stopped for an ice cream cone at McDonalds.  One time, he wanted to try one of those chocolate dipped cones.  Big mistake.  Harold ended up getting more chocolate on himself than he ate.  From that night on, I just ordered a regular cone for him.

When I dropped him off at home, he always said, "Now call me when you get home.  I don't want to worry about you being in a ditch somewhere."  So when I got home, I would call.  Every now and then, I would forget and the phone would ring.  "Are you in a ditch somewhere?"  No Harold, I am not in a ditch, just got busy and forgot to call.  He always looked after me.

Harold came to eat with my family quite often over the years.  Once, when my youngest daughter was home for the weekend from Carolina, Harold was there for dinner.  My daughter was all excited about receiving a scholarship from the university for summer travel and she was telling him how she was going to backpack through Europe…live with the people.  Harold listened intently and when she finished, he said, "You know, I did the same thing when I was your age, got a free trip to Europe, and a back pack."  She turned and looked at him surprised, "and they gave me a gun too".  

Harold served faithfully in WWII at the Battle of the Bulge, saw the horrors that war brings.  I can't imagine the fear and misery he encountered.  One night he was telling me about a church in Germany and the beautiful bells that would ring there.  Tears welled up in his eyes.  I know it must have brought back a flood of memories.

My husband John traveled to Washington DC often. On several of those trips, Harold and I went with him. So when the WWII Memorial was finished, it was important to us that we get him there.  We were blessed to see the World War II Memorial with Harold 3 times. Once, while walking around, Harold struck up a conversation with a lady whose father had served also. Her father was ill and unable to travel so she came alone, to see the memorial so she could tell him about it.  He flew one of the big planes that bombed the enemy for Harold and his fellow soldiers to advance.  It was a beautiful day with blue skies and those big white fluffy clouds. They talked and shared stories, just had the best time.  I stood there, watching them. I could see tears in her eyes as she talked with Harold. He brought her a lot of joy that day.  He had a way of doing that for people.

On another trip, we went to the Capitol for a tour.  As we approached the first gate, the attendant told of all the restrictions…no guns, knives, .  I took Harold over to the side knowing he usually carried his pocket knife with him. Yes, he had his pocket knife.  It was one he had since he was a little boy and it was very important to him.  Oh my, what to do.  We walked around for a while trying not to look suspicious but we made a decision.  We would hide it under a rock.  So, we did.  Noting our location and expecting to have a SWAT team pounce on us at any minute.  I mean we were right at the Capitol steps.  Nothing happened so we entered the Capitol for the tour.  But, not only did Harold have that knife which we hid, he also had a pocket full of stuff, a cell phone, two sets of keys, a camera, handful of change, his wallet, and a handful of screws, wire nuts and bolts.  His pockets were full. Have no idea why he had so much junk in his pocket, must have weighed 5 lbs. and if you have ever been to Washington to the capitol, you know how many times you are checked and must empty your pockets. We were checked going in the building and when we went to the Senate Chambers.  Took him 10 minutes to get all of his stuff out of his pockets in the bucket and be scanned, then put it back in his pockets so we could enter.  What a day.  From that day forward, I always checked his pockets.  And yes, after the tour was over, we went outside, found the rock and his knife was still there.  We always called that trip our Easter egg knife hunt trip.

On another occasion, we visited with Sen Jesse Helms. Helms took us all over, showed us where the British started the fire that burned the Capitol, even allowed Harold to sit at the desk Pres. Lincoln used to sign the Emancipation Proclamation.  He really liked Harold and wanted his trip to be special.

Harold was not only my friend, he was like my father....and he was my beach buddy too.  Every summer, a group of our friends, stay in a beautiful ocean front cottage at Atlantic Beach.  Harold always came to visit us.  This summer he offered to cook breakfast for us one morning. That was breakfast for 16 people.  Little did we know, he would be in the kitchen rattling pots and pans at 6:30, waking the entire cottage.  Pretty incredible for a man his age.  And it was a mighty fine breakfast.  But he was asleep in a rocking chair shortly afterwards, mouth open, catching flies.

I’m going to miss that sweet, dear man.  I’ll miss that wild hair.  I miss those bags of wonderful cheese straws he made.  I’ll miss the bouquets of flowers he shared.  I’ll miss having a glass of red wine with him.  I’ll miss those talks about life.

Harold always made me feel special.  And I am really going to miss that.

Is Anything Routine?

I had a scheduled CT scan today.  Routine.  I try not to worry about them, but it happens.  Just driving into the parking lot gives me a nauseous feeling as the memories from all those chemo treatments flood back into my mind.

To get a scan, I must get my port accessed for blood work to check kidney function and to leave an access point for the chemicals that will be flushed into my bloodstream during the scan.  That must be done in the chemo room and only certain nurses can do it.  My last chemo treatment was March 14, 2012.  Seems like yesterday. My visits there are still like the TV sitcom,  "Cheers", when I go in....everybody knows my name.

While I was waiting, I saw a sign that said:
If you are 55-74
Are you a current or former smoker?
Do you have a family history of lung cancer?
If you answered yes to these questions you may be eligible for a new screening process.
Contact your physician for further information.

Think of the lives that one sign may save.  It's been three years since John was going through his ordeal.  When we finally found out what was wrong, the cancer was so virulent that we barely had time to take a breath before he was gone.  He had a complete physical in May, just a month before, with good results.  Got first initial symptoms in late June and died November 2.  Makes my head spin to even think about it now.

Back to my procedure.  Chemo room was full today, but I found a place to sit for the first part of my procedure.  After getting my port access and blood drawn, I headed back to radiology and started drinking the two large cups of stuff that will light up my insides if there are cancer cells.

My appointment was at 10:30, but they didn't call me back till nearly 11.  While I was waiting for my turn in the CT room, I noticed a young man waiting for his wife.  I can only assume that it was his wife.  He was wearing a uniform from a local tire company with his name on it, so I thought he might have gotten off work to come with her.  He had on a wedding ring and was holding a woman's purse.  He was young, maybe in his mid thirties, but I could tell by his expression he was worried.  He kept looking at the door to the procedure room and wiggling his foot.  I've had so many of these done that I don't think about it as much now.  But I could see he was concerned.  His wife came out in a few minutes, they hugged, and my name was called.  Pray all will be okay for them, they looked like a sweet, young, couple.

After I had the scan, it was back to the chemo room to have the port access removed.  The nurse helping with my port access removal was what they call a floater.  She goes where ever they need her and today, it was the chemo room.  One of the chemo nurses had a family crisis and another was on vacation, so, she was filling in.  She readied all of the tubes and syringes for the removal.  Over the years I have been dealing with all of this, I have found it easier to just not look at what they are doing.  I know the drill, just don't look.  As she took out the needle from my port, I looked and realized she had not flushed it.  "Did you flush it with heparin?" I said.  She had this look of horror on her face.  "Oh no, I didn't, I am so sorry," she said.  So...now she had to put the needle back in, and go through the whole process again.  The heparin and saline flush are important so a clot does not form and cause it to close off.  It hurts when the needle is pushed in and though I did think about not saying anything, it was something that had to be done.  I'll be back next Wednesday for the scan results and get the port accessed again for more blood work.  She got the needle back in, flushed the port, and bandaged me back up.  She apologized again, and I was on my way.  As I walked out of the chemo room, I ran into Dr. Lee.  He was John's oncologist.  It made my heart race to see him. "How are you doing? You look great," he said.

So many memories flood back into my mind when I enter that building.  Too bad so few of them are good.

Wheels a little wobbly, but my wagon is still rolling...thankfully.
PCQ

What an Honor

I was visiting with a friend recently, and she told me about a serious medical issue her husband was having. She talked with me, tears rolling down her cheek, lamenting the fact that not everyone will understand how she or her husband feel.  "You understand, you've been here, you have been on both sides. You had your own cancer diagnosis and all that goes along with it, and while you were sick, had to deal with your husband going through a horrible time, too," she said.

We talked about the process of being diagnosed with cancer.  Not everyone handles it the same way.  John and I both felt it best not to alarm anyone prematurely and to tell family and friends only after having all the facts.  Everyone may not agree with this strategy.  But why worry the very people you care so much about, with 'what ifs' when there is nothing they can do?  Wait till you know.

Sometimes the facts are slow in coming and can give contradictions.  Most of the time we know that the news may not be good, but we hold out hope that it will be.  Isn't that our nature to hope for the best?

She and her husband haven't told anyone either....except me.  I felt honored that she trusted me enough to share her journey.  They'll have more information soon.  When they do, they'll let the children and family know.

"I put you at the top of my list of women for my husband to 'consider' if something were to happen to me," she said.  "If I were to die first, I want him to have someone that will look after him, you did such a great job for John.  And the Lord knows he will need someone to look after him."  I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled.  But what an honor!  She had thought about this, prayed over it, and was saying that she could trust me with one of her most valuable possessions, her dear sweet husband.  What an honor!

When I first realized my cancer treatment options were evaporating, I was devastated.  I might never see my daughters marry, hold my grandchildren, or grow old with John.  When I would wake in the middle of the night, those thoughts would elbow their way to the front of the line.  I started thinking about what John might do when I was no longer around.  Would he remarry?  How soon?  Who would it be?  Suddenly, every single woman that was in our life, became a potential "replacement".   These thoughts may be silly to those of you who have never been through this, but I would guess it is probably very common.  So, when she mentioned me being on her list, I understood.

We all want a happily ever after ending and it is my hope that none of you will ever have to think about your "list".

Wagon still rolling.
PCQ

November 2

It's been two years since John died.  Hard to believe.  During that period of time, I've had countless chemo treatments, surgery to remove a port that was giving me major pain and implant another, a tornado that did nearly $50K in damage to my home and killed my rooster, the shingles, Hurricane Irene...more damage, a thief steal from my farm, a thief to steal from my farm....again, sold the farm, moved all my "stuff" that wasn't stolen, off the farm, had a dog kill my sweet Holden, sold John's truck, replaced a heating/AC system, had major surgery. Leave anything out?  I'm sure I have.

Even with all of that happening, it seems like yesterday and I still think he should walk in the back door.  I can close my eyes and see the little crease he had in his ear that I always teased him about. Feel the roughness of his big hands.  Smell the deodorant he used.  Hear him walking down the hall.

When he came home, even though I knew it was him, I would yell, "Who is it?", and he would say, "Who do you want it to be?", and I would always yell, "ELVIS!"  His retort, "Then you are out of luck again....thank you very much!"  Little things like that didn't seem so endearing at the time, but they sure are good memories now.

He made me feel beautiful.  Once we were watching TV and a young model was on some program.  I looked at him and said, "If I was that beautiful I would walk around naked all the time."  He looked at me and said, "You are to me."  In his eyes I was beautiful, and I miss seeing those eyes.

John was a wonderful husband.  He wasn't emotionally needy. He was a great cook and loved to do it.  Didn't have any expensive hobbies. He was kind and I trusted him.  Could fix about anything. Was a good father.  Clothes were not important to him but he kept them picked up and neatly arranged.  Never complained. He was loud, but that made him easy to find. Didn't mind hard work. And all he asked for was a good steak and a little Jack Daniels on Saturday night.  Like I said, he was a wonderful husband and we sort of fit together like peas and carrots, as Forrest Gump would say.

I miss him so much.

PCQ

Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber

It started with a phone call from my friend, Lyn.  He was checking to see how I was doing since my surgery last spring.  Lyn and I have been friends for many years, but our bond grew stronger when he heeded my advice about a test.  Now it seems, he thinks I "saved his life", because I encouraged him to get a colonoscopy several years ago.  He had polyps and the doctor told him they could have developed into colon cancer, so he always joked with me about that.  "You saved me, Pat.  I would never have gone and had that done if you hadn't pushed me."

 I was thankful he went and especially thankful that it was in time.  Lyn's a good man and when he called that day, we talked about where we were in our lives now.  He's had a few setbacks since we last talked.  A wound that wouldn't heal on his leg, diabetes, just having a tough time.  "I was afraid I would lose my leg, and I probably would have if my cousin hadn't told me what to do," he said.  Seems his cousin is a doctor up north and stopped by to see him on a visit down south.  "You need to see a vascular surgeon and right away," he told him.  Lyn mentioned it to his doctor but they didn't seem to think it would be of any help, but he persisted and soon he was doing better, but the wound just wasn't healing.  So Lyn talked with his cousin again.  "Tell them to put you in a hyperbaric oxygen chamber, that will do it," his cousin said.  So, Lyn followed his advice.  The wound healed.

That brings me back to his phone call.  I was telling him about my wound not healing.  After my surgery at Johns Hopkins in April, the wound split open and it has been an ongoing problem ever since.   Daily nurse visits to change the dressing, several visits back to Johns Hopkins to be checked.  A wound vac that I had been wearing for over a month to keep constant pressure on the wound to help circulation.  But it just wasn't helping.  My physician in Baltimore seemed to think it was from the radiation I had when I first found out about the tumor.  Radiation is the gift that keeps on giving.  It helped shrink the tumor and worked on the pain, but it also destroys the tissue and causes a lack of blood flow, so, the triangle that was always red and burned after I had radiation was the same place that split open.  Now I was dealing with it.

"Tell them to put you in the chamber, Pat. It will help," Lyn said.  I thanked him and put it on my mental list for the following Monday, when I would be seeing the doctor at the wound center.

I mentioned my conversation with Lyn to the nurse when I went in for my visit.  "Oh you're not illegible, you're not diabetic.  Insurance will only pay if you're diabetic," she said, and left the room.  As I waited for my doctor to come in, I was feeling very frustrated.  In walked Dr. Taft.  It was the first time I had seen him.  My previous physician had moved back to Minnesota and here we were, starting over with someone new.  "Pat, I've read over your notes, but I want you to tell me about your wound."  So, I gave him the 411 on my past history and how I had arrived at this point.  "And my doctor at Johns Hopkins seemed to think the wound isn't healing because of the radiation I had back in 2009," I said.  "I asked the nurse about the hyperbaric oxygen chamber, but she says I'm not eligible because I'm not diabetic."  Dr. Taft continued to look over his notes.  "Let me look at the wound," he said.  So I rolled over and let yet another person look at my butt. The surgery left a scar from midway my back to my butt.  And it split open just below my waist.  Bet I've had more people look at my butt in the past few months than most people do in a life time!

"Let me talk with my colleagues and see if they think the oxygen treatment will work for you," he said. "Radiation damage responds well to that treatment, so once we talk, I'll let you know."  He quickly left the room and I got dressed.

The phone rang a few days later.  It was the nurse.  I'd been approved for the treatment and would start the following week after we had jumped through all the insurance hoops.

I had my 17th treatment today.  Each session consists of 2 1/2 hrs in the chamber.  About 15 minutes taking me down to one atmosphere of pressure with pure oxygen, then after 30 minutes I have an air break and I breath regular air for 3 minutes.  Another 30 minutes and another air break, then at the end I come back up to regular pressure. The pressure stimulates the tissue to produce new blood vessels that feed the damaged tissue.  That's the good part.  But it also takes a toll on your ears and a doctor checks me each time for damaged ear drums.  So far, they done okay but I do have to keep clearing them to get the pressure equalized at the beginning and end.  The chamber's not so bad, I can see the tv and there's enough room to move around some.  Just can't take anything in with me, no glasses, lotions, deodorant, cream...nothing.  So it is a long time to be still, but, it is working.  My wound has gone from 9 cm deep to 3 cm. in just 3 weeks.  So I will continue this treatment till it has closed and hopefully, that will be soon.

Thanks Lyn...if you hadn't told me to ask, I don't know that I would be this far along in my healing.  So maybe we are even now.

PCQ

John Denver

I've been on a John Denver kick recently.  Don't know what really sparked me to want to listen to him again.  His music was popular when John and I were dating and first married.  I can remember being with John and listening to his music, and it brings back very good memories of those times.  So many of the songs were what most people called "vanilla", but I just thought they were good.  Good songs that made you happy and resonated inside me somehow.

Guess my John Denver favorite is Annie's Song.  That was the song John and I first danced to.  Still gives me chill bumps when I hear it on the radio.  Said he wrote it in 15 minutes on a ski  lift in Aspen. Maybe my daughter Lauren will dance to it when she gets married too.

Annie's Song

I remember reading about the separation from his wife, Annie.  Seems he got so mad he took a chain saw and in a fit of rage cut their bed in half.  He always seemed so mild mannered that it is hard to imagine him doing that.  Lover's pain I guess.  To have written such a beautiful song about her, there must have been a lot of love in his heart.  And a lot of pain, too.

Then there's Country Roads Take Me Home.  Can't think of West Virginia without chiming in on that song too.

Country Roads West VA

The link below has him singing Back Home Again at Farm Aid in 1985 with the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band.  This one always gets me in the chorus..."fire softly burning, supper on the stove, and the light in your eyes that makes me warm".  Wow, he was a great American song writer ranking just after Elvis, Michael Jackson, and Frank Sinatra for songs sold.  Amazing, bet you didn't know that.

Back Home Again with Nitty Gritty Dirt Band at Farm Aid 1985

Rocky Mountain High....I've seen it raining fire in the sky.  Never hear that without remembering a night years ago when my John and I got a blanket and lay out by the pond on a dark August night and watched the Perseids meteor shower.  We saw it rain fire in the sky that night, just like John Denver.  Sure brings those images back when I hear him sing.

Rocky Mountain High

Never got to see him in concert and was sure sad when I heard he was killed in a plane crash off the California coast near Monterey in 1997. He was testing out a new plane he had just bought doing touch and goes, and apparently ran out of gas and while trying to switch gas tanks, inadvertently hit the rudder and could't recover before crashing.  Pilot error.  What a shame.

John and I went to California some years afterwards and we drove down from San Jose to Santa Cruz then down the coast to Monterey Bay where he died.  Couldn't help but be overcome with sadness when I looked out over the ocean.  Wonder what songs he still had in him.  He was only 53 when he died.

But I guess he really should have perished before then.  He was supposed to be the first civilian in space on the Challenger, but got knocked out of that spot by Christa McCauliffe.

There are so many of his songs that have become standards for all of us.  "Leaving on a Jet Plane", which he wrote and was made popular by Peter, Paul and Mary, seems to have a new meaning after he died in a crash.

And this is for Lauren.  Love it...hope she does too.
Peace

Calypso, Fly High, Sunshine on my Shoulders, I'm Sorry, Grandma's Feather Bed, This Old Guitar, so many wonderful songs.  You did us good John Denver.  I can't complain about a single one of those songs.  They made my life richer all around.

PCQ...

What a Birthday!

Wow it has been a great birthday.  Wonderful photos from my sweet daughter, Lauren, who is in England for an art installation and also celebrating the Queen's Jubilee.  Love this photo.  She also sent a  Conga line dance video titled, "Conga line dance for the Queen and the Porkchopqueen".  Is that great or what?

And thank you all for the phone calls, food, flowers, cards, videos, cake, ice cream, visits and love.

Even had a rainbow, a Queen's Parade and concert.  All for me.

And, I walked today.  Wasn't as far as I would have like to walk.  I'm still too weak from being flat on my back from the surgery.  But I did make a few laps and was able to get up without too much assistance.

So, it was a really good day for me.  And tomorrow will be even better.  I just know it will be.  Wagon still rolling.

PCQ

Johns Hopkins

During this journey, I have prayed the day would come that my cancer could be zapped, killed, removed, or just disappear.  Hopefully, if it is God's will, that day is here.  I will be having the first surgery this Friday at 12.  I couldn't pay all the money up front, so they are going to do part of it and wait till I can gather the rest of the money for the remaining surgery on Monday.  So, all you friends with fat pockets, send it on in.  Just kidding...

But...that is almost true. All of this is not for the faint of heart. Maybe I won't end up in the "poor house", as my daddy used to say.  But, the pockets will be a little lighter, and what choice do I have?  This is what I have been waiting for and now it is here.  Yes, there will be more collateral damage.  There's already been enough, and at times I have felt like my life was "death by a thousand cuts."  Every chemo and radiation treatment over the past 3 years took something away....but it also kept the cancer at bay.  No growth.  Didn't kill it, but it did not allow it to grow and spread.

So, after several prime pieces of the puzzle fell into place, I will have surgery at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore very soon.  And yes, it will be done by the very best.  The doctor even told me so.  "My team is number one in the United States", and with a smile added, "and most likely the world".  I like confidence, you know that.

Stay tuned.  This red wagon will be rolling  north up I-95 to find a gift I thought I would never receive.

Please say a prayer for all of us.  Every day is a blessing.

My love to you all....
PCQ

Reiki Treatment

It is very hard to explain how I felt during and after my first Reiki treatment.  But it was good.  Am I skeptical about this, yes, but I have always had a  healthy portion of that about a lot of things in life.  I don't think any of us go through life and just accept things because someone 'said so'.  We have to feel it.  Religion, love, so many things can't be easily explained, but we know they are there and have an effect on our life.

When I first heard about the Reiki experience from someone I trusted, I viewed it as...yeah right!  Surely, all they were saying couldn't be true.  But, what was it going to hurt?  It is not invasive and the only thing it could do would be lighten my purse. 

The next day, I had an appointment for help with neuropathy pain in my feet in hands.  While waiting, in walks the Reiki master.  I took that as a sign from above, so I made an appointment to see her later in the week.

As I said, it is hard to explain.  If you read my previous post about Reiki, you will just have to try it yourself.  But for me, it has been a very positive experience and has helped me reduce my need for certain meds I am taking.  And believe me, any time I can take one of those off my plate, it is a good day.

My Reiki master says I have "strong energy" and that is good.  She also told me I had four angels around me that were sending waves of love to me.  "They are like wisps of clouds surrounding you", she said, "and it is very unusual to see four, most people have two or three, four is very unique".  But I'll take it. Think I need four.  Need all the angels and love I can get.  Don't we all?  Like I said, been a different journey but I feel better.  And that's a very good thing.

Reiki angels in my wagon.

PCQ

Reiki

 Please read the information below about Reiki healing and I will tell you about my experience.  And I will say, it has been good.

PCQ

 

To give proper research credit, below is information about Reiki from the website, Reiki.org.

http://www.reiki.org/faq/whatisreiki.html

What is Reiki?

The International Center
for Reiki Training

A Brief Overview

Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing. It is administered by "laying on hands" and is based on the idea that an unseen "life force energy" flows through us and is what causes us to be alive. If one's "life force energy" is low, then we are more likely to get sick or feel stress, and if it is high, we are more capable of being happy and healthy.

Find a Reiki practitioner/teacher in your area

Reiki Membership Association

The word Reiki is made of two Japanese words - Rei which means "God's Wisdom or the Higher Power" and Ki which is "life force energy". So Reiki is actually "spiritually guided life force energy."

A treatment feels like a wonderful glowing radiance that flows through and around you. Reiki treats the whole person including body, emotions, mind and spirit creating many beneficial effects that include relaxation and feelings of peace, security and wellbeing. Many have reported miraculous results.

Reiki is a simple, natural and safe method of spiritual healing and self-improvement that everyone can use. It has been effective in helping virtually every known illness and malady and always creates a beneficial effect. It also works in conjunction with all other medical or therapeutic techniques to relieve side effects and promote recovery.

An amazingly simple technique to learn, the ability to use Reiki is not taught in the usual sense, but is transferred to the student during a Reiki class. This ability is passed on during an "attunement" given by a Reiki master and allows the student to tap into an unlimited supply of "life force energy" to improve one's health and enhance the quality of life.

Its use is not dependent on one's intellectual capacity or spiritual development and therefore is available to  everyone. It has been successfully taught to thousands of people of all ages and backgrounds.

While Reiki is spiritual in nature, it is not a religion. It has no dogma, and there is nothing you must believe in order to learn and use Reiki. In fact, Reiki is not dependent on belief at all and will work whether you believe in it or not. Because Reiki comes from God, many people find that using Reiki puts them more in touch with the experience of their religion rather than having only an intellectual concept of it.

While Reiki is not a religion, it is still important to live and act in a way that promotes harmony with others. Dr. Mikao Usui, the founder of the Reiki system of natural healing, recommended that one practice certain simple ethical ideals to promote peace and harmony, which are nearly universal across all cultures.

During a meditation several years after developing Reiki, Dr. Usui decided to add the Reiki Ideals to the practice of Reiki. The Ideals came in part from the five prinicples of the Meiji emperor of Japan whom Dr. Usui admired. The Ideals were developed to add spiritual balance to Usui Reiki. Their purpose is to help people realize that healing the spirit by consciously deciding to improve oneself is a necessary part of the Reiki healing experience. In order for the Reiki healing energies to have lasting results, the client must accept responsibility for her or his healing and take an active part in it. Therefore, the Usui system of Reiki is more than the use of the Reiki energy. It must also include an active commitment to improve oneself in order for it to be a complete system. The ideals are both guidelines for living a gracious life and virtues worthy of practice for their inherent value.

The secret art of inviting happiness
The miraculous medicine of all diseases
Just for today, do not anger
Do not worry and be filled with gratitude
Devote yourself to your work. Be kind to people.
Every morning and evening, join your hands in prayer.
Pray these words to your heart
and chant these words with your mouth
Usui Reiki Treatment for the improvement of body and mind
The founder , Usui Mikao

Update

 During my "journey", I have tried to embrace all elements of life that can promote healing.  At times, that has been very hard.  Seems as though I have just had way too many "rocks in the road", as John liked to say.

In the past 18 months, I have :

Watched my sweet husband be diagnosed and die from cancer

Undergo 50+ chemo treatments

Had 6+ MRIs and CT scans

Assorted X-rays, tests, and screenings

Leaking chemotherapy port which caused major pain and trauma (with ultimate removal and replacement) 

April 16th tornado that caused nearly $50K in damages to my house and destroyed so many of my beautiful trees, my neighbors' homes, a church, farms and crops, and our schools.

Hurricane Irene - more damage to my home and farm  and trees.

Had two very close friends have a cancer diagnosis, and undergo surgery and treatment thankfully, both will be okay

My brother-in-law Michael, seriously injured in a motorcycle accident (not his fault)

See my sweet Lab, Holden, be mauled and killed by a pit bull.

Had thieves steal thousands of dollars of equipment from my farm

Sell the farm and equipment we have owned for over 30 years - so many memories of the hard work John did everyday to provide for us

Start to lose feeling in my feet and hands (neuropathy) from the effects of long term chemotherapy and have damage to my mouth and teeth from dry mouth caused by chemo

 These are some of the bad things....thankfully, there have been so many more good things that have happened in my life.  If there hadn't been, I don't know how I would have survived.

As I stumbled through all these challenges, I have embraced my faith.  It has allowed me to find the strength to deal with all of this....and remarkably to remain fairly happy.  Don't get me wrong, there have been very dark days, but overall, my outlook remains bright.

Wagon still rolling....and seeking more ways to make life better.  More to come on that.

PCQ

I'm Back.....

Sorry to have bailed out on you for awhile.  Guess I just hit a wall with all that happened.  And when my pup Holden, was mauled and killed by a pit bull, guess it pushed my system into overload.

Just couldn't seem to get things going in the right direction.  After John's sudden death, I had to deal with his estate, then I had problems with my chemo port and after 4 months of horrid pain, I finally got the leaking port taken out and a new one put in.  At a cost of about $3000+ to me....not to mention pain and suffering.  Then there was that nasty tornado in April that nearly took my home and posted almost $50K in damages.  And my trees, it took my beautiful trees. Fast forward to hurricane season and hello Hurricane Irene.  More damage from water blown in crevices I didn't even know existed.  And what trees weren't damaged from the tornado, were pushed around by the hours of pounding rain and wind from Irene.  My chemo treatments continued to wreak havoc on my body, but I was managing.

Then Holden was killed.  It was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

Can't believe he wasn't bald cause he sure shed a lot of hair.

He was one lucky dog, and we were lucky to have him.

PCQ

Relay For Life

Greene County's Relay for Life was delayed due to the April tornado that tore through the entire county and left a wide path of destruction.  With all the damage, it would have been next to impossible for any reasonable celebration, much less, any attempts to raise money for cancer research when so many were still reeling from the losses they had.

So, it was postponed till October.  Little did we know, we would still be recovering from the tornado and more recently, Hurricane Irene.

When I received a call from the editor of the local newspaper asking for an interview, I hesitated.  Having served on our local board of education for 17 years, most of that time as chair, I have had my share of media interviews, difficult encounters, and unfortunately, many misquotes, even when the response was in written form.  But I couldn't let an opportunity pass that may help others facing difficult times.  And the past two years have been difficult times for me.  One of my friends recently told me he was surprised I wasn't in a mental institution after all I had been through. Sometimes I think maybe I should be.  Anyway, I have persevered and try so hard to keep a smile on my face and remember my many, many, blessings.

Below is the article that was published in the local paper.

 Despite obstacles, life is a journey to be enjoyed

October 5, 2011

Standard Laconic Newspaper Margaret Fisher - News Editor
SNOW HILL—It would be bad enough to be diagnosed with cancer, but how would it feel to be undergoing cancer treatments when suddenly your spouse is diagnosed and dies within a matter of months?

Pat Adams, a vibrant and cheery mother of grown children and chairwoman of the Greene County Board of Education, remains positive and upbeat despite having gone through just such an ordeal and she continues to do so.


Her great-grandmother had colon cancer, which can be inherited.  In 2004, Adams' doctor found a small growth during a colonoscopy and removed it.


She continued to have annual checkups and everything seemed fine, but in 2009, things changed one morning.


"I woke up and had a horrible pain in my leg and it's like, you know something is terribly wrong," she said, explaining the pain down her back and leg.


It went away, Adams said, so she went to work.  The next night, it came back.


Her doctor sent her to a specialist who said she had an intestinal infection, but she continued to have pain.  Eventually, she got an MRI where her doctor could see she had a growth on her tailbone that was pressing against her sciatic nerve - something the doctor had never heard of.


"Everybody said this just shouldn't be happening.  It was just in a bad, bad place," she said.  "Of course, you're horrified by all this because you don't know what's going on."


The tumor was made up of colon cancer cells.  The pain was so bad, Adams began a series of 30 radiation treatments five days a week to reduce the tumor and pain.  The risk of paralysis was great because of the tumor's position.


The treatment center was frightening because of seeing so many people, including young adults, in such a bad state and because of the equipment and being strapped intightly so she couldn't move, Adams said.


While the pain lessened, there were side effects.  She lost a third of her thick blonde hair.

"(The laser) destroys a lot of good tissue, too.  It passes through the intestines and the bladder,"  she said.

The burns hurt and she couldn't get comfortable.  Eventually, she began to feel a little better.  At some point during treatments, she started on chemotherapy pill all the while being subjected to a barrage of tests.


A team of doctors were deciding what they should do.  One idea was to cut off the tip of her tailbone and remove the growth, but that was later rejected.


"The doctor said, 'I can't guarantee to get all the growth and you could be paralyzed.  The risk is too high,'" she said.


In March 2010, Adams went to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., for a second opinion.  The doctor said removing the tumor would be like tearing up the foundation of a house to get one potato underneath it.


In April, she was taking chemotherapy intravenously.  They had put a port in the left side of her chest to administer the chemo.  The effects were terrible.

"It was an absolutely horrible drug to take.  I couldn't take any cold.  I had to put gloves on to get something out fo the refrigerator," she said, likening the cold to getting an electric shock.


The tumor was growing to the size of an orange, so they switched to another drug.


All the while, Adams kept having pain in her arm and shoulder and thought she had pulled a muscle so she began therapeutic massages and accupuncture.  The pain worsened to her jaw and ear, she suspected the port, but the doctor said the port was fine.  When she threatened to pull the port out, the doctor removed it.


"When I woke up from surgery, I knew it didn't hurt.  My arm was fine," she said.  The doctor told her she was right - there was a pinhole leak in the port.  They put another port in on the other side, which has caused no trouble, she said.


But chemo was taking a toll.  Her fingernails thinned, she was having nosebleeds and she got a terrible case of thrush, or yeast infection, in her mouth and esophagus.


She deals with the side effects of high blood pressure and neurological problems in her hands and feet, and can't have any more radiation because of the tissue damage.


"Just when you think you've had all you can have, another problem pops up," she said.

Meanwhile, in June of 2010, her husband, John, who had been lovingly taking care of her, was diagnosed with lung cancer.  He hadn't smoked in years.  When a lymph node swelled up, the doctor thought he had an infection.  A few weeks later, a tumor was discovered in the passageway to his lung and it couldn't be removed.  Pat was now taking care of him.  In November 2010, he died.  He was talking and on no pain medication, Adams said.


"It was probably the hardest time in my life.  John was such a strong and vivacious person.  I'm just glad that things went as quickly as it did with him," she said, as she broke out in tears.  "I think the trauma of my illness possibly caused him to be sick.  Stress - we really underestimate what stress does to the body."


Her husband's sickness began about the time things were really getting difficult for her.


Today, she continues unending chemotherapy every two weeks.  Her tumor is dead on the outside, (damaged by the radiation) but still active in the center," she said.


"The chemo cocktail is working right now.  It's keeping the tumor controlled, but the cancer won't go away," she said.


She is hopeful, that a doctor at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, Md., might be able to help.


As she relaxes in her living room against the backdrop of huge plate glass windows displaying a picturesque view, Adams said she is happy to look at nature, the sky, and to have good friends and family.  "I thinkI have always looked at life as not a destination, but a journey.  I enjoy every day," she said.  "It just makes you more appreciative of all these things(to look at)."


Along with everything else, her house was damaged in the April tornado and her dog died.  And she very much dislikes listening to complainers.


"You start looking at all these (bad) things, but I still feel very blessed because I have my faith, family, and friends," she said.  "As strange as it sounds, I'm still a very happy person."


Adams has set up the John Quincy Adams V Agricultural Scholarship to begin next year for a Greene Central High School student.  It's hope for the future.


"Somebody asked me, 'How long do you have?'" she said, "I wanted to say, 'how long does anyone have?'"

End of article....but not the end!

PCQ

Before and After

Before....

After.....

Before....

After.....

Lot of work has been done and still much that needs to be completed.  I think I have reached a plateau where things are manageable and I have hit the pause button.   Maybe I'll get it all done eventually.

PCQ

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

Wednesday was John's birthday.  Seems as though it was only yesterday that we celebrated last year.  Who could have imagined it would be his last.?  So much has happened since then, but I will have to say, it was a joyous night.  Meredith was able to sneak home for a few days and we gathered up a few friends for a party.

Lauren had mailed a package of goodies for her dad's birthday from Paris.  She was there for the summer.  John and I were planning/hoping to join her, but medical issues interrupted that dream.

Me, Meredith, and John, after his wonderful birthday dinner.  He was so happy that night.

Meredith and John

John's birthday dinner.

As I look as these photos, one thing jumps out at me, John was happy.  Look at that smile.

And that makes me happy now.

PCQ

Beach

You know when I don't post, I'm either busy or sick.  Thankfully, most of it has been "busy having fun"!

Went to my annual two week beach trip with friends and family.  This was our 33rd year together in the same place at Atlantic Beach.  Hard to believe it has been that long.  But it has.  Our children are all grown now and all of them working and embracing jobs they enjoy.....and with benefits.  Who would have thought that would mean so much?

But, back to the beach, did I say I had fun?  Well, I did.  But how can you not have fun when you are surrounded by people you love and who love you?

Beach 2011

This was our group photo....and yes, all those wonderful people were housed in the cottage you see behind us.  (Well, a few of them stayed across the street.) We do play well together. That's me on the right with the Segway.  The Club Colony July 4th Parade had just marched past and I was decorated and ready.  From the local talk, it is my understanding I was the first Segway entry in the parade.....ever.  I'll take that.  Love breaking new barriers.

I'll post more about the beach.  Just wanted to let everyone know I am okay.  Hot...but okay.

Wagon still rolling.

PCQ

Strong Presence

I was reading a story recently about a family that was struggling with the death of their son.  "He had a 'strong presence' and it feels like he is still here with us," the father said.

The words resonated in my soul.  That's how I feel about John....he had a very 'strong presence' then and now, and though I know he is gone, I feel him in everything I do and everywhere I go.  Sometimes it even feels like a dream.  I'm going to wake up and everything will be be all normal again.  Not sure how long this lasts.  I know there are stages for grief and everyone progresses through those stages at their own pace.  We are all different but sometimes so much alike.

I like to smile, it hides the pain. And I read that smiling tricks your body into "thinking" you are happy, just by using those muscles.  I do know it makes other people feel better and that in turn helps me.  So, I'll keep smiling and hope it is true.  But that "strong presence" may never go away.  And I don't know if I want it to.

PCQ

Remission - What does that mean exactly?

My daughter, Lauren, was with me when I was given the results from my last CT scans.  As I have told you before, it is difficult not to dwell on the "what ifs" as you wait for results that may abruptly alter your life even more than it already has been.  But, when Dr. White came in smiling, we knew it must be good.  "There's no new growth, everything is the same," she said.

With that, I exhaled.  She went on about my blood numbers, what we needed to do next and then in one of her statements mentioned, remission.  We talked about other options.  Lauren questioned her about the possible damage from the leaking port that had been removed in April.  "Obviously, not a good thing to happen," she said, "but, the treatment you are on can be absorbed by the tissue without major damage."  Somehow, that was not as comforting as I would have liked.

But on to other concerns. She said, "Remission!"  Remission is a term that doctors frequently use and it refers to the response of the cancer to the therapy. A complete remission means that the cancer has completely disappeared with the treatment.  I do not have complete remission and remission does not mean a patient is cured.  So...I am hesitant to even say that word cause I am still having chemo, and enduring all the side effects that come along with it.   Just means the cancer hasn't changed in the past few months and that is a very good thing.  Last year this time, the treatments were not working and I didn't know if I would see the beach this summer.  But I am still here!

Anyway, I am having a PET scan this week at the PCMH.  Not sure what day yet, seems it takes a while to get it cleared with insurance.  This test will tell us how much of my tumor is scar tissue and how much is "active".  I may be a candidate for a procedure at the Mayo Clinic in Florida, but we have a few tests we must do first.  I'll keep you posted.

But most important, it's summer.  Please enjoy every minute if only for ME!  When you look out your back door, really look at the birds, the lightning bugs, the sky, the leaves on the trees.  Don't sleep walk through life cause take it from me.....it's not the destination it is the journey.

PCQ

2011 Big Rock Tournament

Dance like no one is watching.  And if you can't dance, do something to push yourself to live everyday and have fun.  Go fishing...or if you can't fish, cut bait.  And if you can't fish or cut bait, watch other people do it.

Been trying to do that.  My friend, Joanie, called me last week and said, "Come down to the beach and stay with me for the Big Rock Tournament".  She didn't have to ask twice.  She was staying in a great cottage just off the beach.  Just so happens that it is owned by one of John's business friends.  They don't rent it out much, but knew John's friends would be good folks to have.  And we sure tried to be.

But back to the tournament, it was fun.  Three marlin were brought in Monday, the first fishing day, and Joan was there for them all.  Loved seeing the excitement in her eyes!

John and I usually try to get down to the tournament every year.  He has actually fished in the tournament in the past. Last year, we took the RV to spend the night. But this year wasn't easy.  Every place John and I stood last year, everything we did, was in my mind as Joan and I walked about.  They are good memories though. We got to see a few of the big ones brought in, but we weren't there for the biggest controversy probably to ever hit the tournament.  The biggest fish caught last year was eventually DQ!

The controversy surrounding the 2010 Big Rock Blue Marlin Tournament’s top prize really got everyone stirred up and the media coverage went crazy. Tournament officials stopped the awards presentation due to a rules violation by the Boat “Citation”. That crew actually caught a record-breaking 883-pound Blue Marlin and was set to receive the top prize of more than $900 K.  Enough money to get your attention.  But due to a rules violation, one of the crew didn't have his fishing license...they never got the check.  Rules are rules, and if you're not going to follow them, then you are subject to the penalty....but $900K...man that is a bite!   Bet that captain never makes that mistake again.

The unlicensed young man who was part of the Citation crew was from Virginia.  My daughter, Meredith, had actually gone fishing the week before with friends on a boat out of Hatteras and he was part of that boat's crew, so she knew him.  As it turns out, it is my understanding that you don't have to have a personal license in Virginia, the boat has to be licensed, but the rules are different in North Carolina.  First thing you must do is follow the rules!

Back to this year's tourney, we got to see them bring in the winning fish.  Of course, we didn't know that then...there was still a week of fishing left.  And Joan realized there really is a "big rock" out in the ocean where everyone goes to fish for the big ones, hence the name for the tournament.

So, again this year I got the flavor of the Big Rock.  Saw a huge yacht come in to dock at Morehead City, too.  Fourth largest privately owned yacht in the world.  At least that's what it said when I googled the name, SeaFair, that was on the side. 200+ feet long, $40M+, nice to see how the rich folks live.  Boat was on its way to Rhode Island, apparently, it was for floating art and jewelry shows and had a champagne and caviar bar.  Well, well, Morehead City was certainly in good company with that fine boat.

Joan and I had a great time together talking, rummaging through second hand stores, and just enjoying the smell of seafood and the beach.

Thanks Joanie....pulling my wagon to the beach was a load of fun.

PCQ