Millie

Millie had been sick for the past few months.  Seems she never quite recovered from her husband, Glenn passing away in September.  She had been married to Glenn, her second husband, for several years.  They had a good life together until illness and age began to take away the freedom they so enjoyed.

Millie is the mother of my dear friend, Bill.  Bill's wife, Kay (my party in a box friend), and I have been friends since first grade.


The service for Millie at Trinity Lutheran Church was very nice.  The afternoon sun streamed in the large windows and seemed to make the cascade of poinsettias around the altar glow.

I only met Millie a few times, but I sure heard lots of wonderful stories about her.  She was a remarkable woman.  Her German heritage gave her a strong will and when she made up her mind about something, she would not be swayed.  The minister even mentioned in the service that her children admired that trait in her.

A striking woman in her early twenties, Millie worked with Eastern Airlines and that is how she met Bill's dad.  He was returning from Indonesia, or some far away place during the war and she was helping him with his ticket.  Apparently, there was a tax charge left off of his ticket and he went back to get it corrected.  This time, he asked her for a date.  The rest is history.  Her new husband brought her back home to Sanford and they raised their family.  She must have done something right, because her son Bill is a wonderful father, friend, and one of the finest people I know.

Millie traveled all over the world and I think I would have really enjoyed hearing stories of her travels.  She loved N. C. State University and frequented football and basketball games.  Bill, his dad, and his dad's dad, all graduated from N. C. State.  Her first husband was a general contractor and actually designed and worked on several buildings on the NC State campus.  What a rich heritage their family has with the university.

John and I were both students at NC State and that is how we met Bill.  He was a rugby player and fine one at that.  A tag line for the team was, "Give blood, play rugby!".  Oh how true, it is a rough sport.  What wonderful times we had.  And those times were even better when he and my friend Kay, fell in love with one another.

The minister that married Kay and Bill was at Millie's service.  I was in their wedding.  I told him he must have done a good job cause they were still together after all these years.  Kay introduced the minister to her children, Lee, Mary, and Claire.   He told them that Bill taught his children to swim.  He didn't know if they would have wanted to go learn, except that Bill was so handsome all the young girls signed up to learn in his class.

Millie loved to wear scarves.  Her children brought a beautiful hatbox full of her scarves to the reception held after the service.  They offered the scarves to her friends as a remembrance  of Millie.

Bill's sister, Linda, had on a beautiful wrap and I complimented her.  Seems it was a gift Linda brought to her mother from New Zealand some years back.  She happened to see it just as they were leaving for for the funeral service so she decided to wear it .  The wrap was Possumdown.  When she first mentioned the "possum" part, I was a little surprised to say the least.  But she went on to explain that a breed of small possums was introduced into New Zealand and they almost took over.  Now, to help curb the population, they harvest the fur and mix it with Merino wool to make Possumdown clothing.  Still can't say that without smiling, but I do have to say it felt really, really, good.  And apparently, it doesn't pill up like most wool or fur  products do.  Guess I'll  never look at a dead possum quite the same.

Soon it was time to go.  We gathered the family and her caregivers for a picture.  Millie always wanted the family together at Christmas and she finally managed to get it done.

PCQ

January 26 or 29??

Met with Dr. Brillant today, we have a tentative schedule for January 26 (Tuesday), or January 29 (Friday).

Doc says I will be in the hospital for 10-12 days, minimum.  90% of these surgeries will get an infection so expect it...unfortunately is normal.

More details to follow, it's Christmas, we will worry about all of this tomorrow as Scarlett O'Hara would say.

PCQ

Today's the Day

Have an appointment with the lead surgeon today.  I anticipate that he will provide me with a tentative surgery date as I have met with all six doctors that will be involved.

Scared, worried, nervous, frightened....all words that describe what I am feeling.  I know I MUST have this surgery to remove the cancer, if not, "Game Over".  But, I know the ramifications of the surgery are going to be intense so I am hesitant about that too.  The Yin and Yang of life.

As I have said before, right now, I am feeling pretty good.  I could manage the rest of my life this way.  Though not without its problems and limitations, I can make it, I've adjusted.  I don't know what the surgery holds and will take away.  Too many ifs.

My only option is to continue on, one step at a time, pulling this wagon with all of you pushing from behind.  That's how I have made it this far.

PCQ

Christmas Sweater

Getting ready for church Sunday morning, I put on my favorite Christmas sweater, combed my hair and went looking for my gloves.  Since, having the chemo and radiation, my little fingers stay ever so cold.  John has been a sweetheart and will hold them and rub them for me when we are out to get better circulation and to just help keep them warm.

As I walked through the kitchen, Bill Geist of CBS Sunday Morning was on.  And he was talking about Christmas sweaters.  To my horror, the whole segment was making 'fun' of Christmas sweaters....just like the one I had on.  Please understand, I know there is a generation difference and most young folks don't wear Christmas sweaters.  I even know my daughter's boyfriend, Jake, hosts an "Ugly Christmas Sweater Party", but that is for really ugly sweaters, not cute ones like mine.

But maybe not!

Bill Geist was interviewing two young men who have a website, www.uglysweaterstore.com.  They peruse second hand clothing stores and buy Christmas sweaters for their website. Said teachers are usually a gold mine for Christmas sweaters.  Their website gives instructions on how to have an Ugly Christmas Sweater party....even offering food suggestions and games to play.

As they were talking, Geist asked what made a truly "good" ugly Christmas sweater?  Bells, bows, sown on beads, dangly things....I looked down at my sweater.  I had all of that, a little bell, nice dangling candy cane, silver and gold bows, shiny beads.  I was horrified, he had just described my really cute Christmas sweater.  I looked at John....he just smiled and said, "It looks cute on you, baby."

I put on my long coat and pulled it tight over my sweater, grabbed my gloves and left for church.  When I got home and took off my sweater and put it on the top shelf in my closet.  Guess I'll never look at it the same way again.

Merry Christmas!
PCQ

Christmas Music

We've had several wind storms recently and that produces a lot of tree limbs.  I try to walk around the yard to pick them up but sometimes they are too big for me to pull to our little fire pit.  John decided it was time to do a burn yesterday.  Any outdoor fire is always a fun event for me.  Something about fire, leaves, cold air and a rake that brings back good memories from my childhood.

I sat outside for a bit with the Christmas tree lights and wreath in the background enjoying the warmth from the fire.  It was nice.

But soon it was time for church.  We were hosting the Sanctuary Hand Bells from Kinston, NC, Gordon Street Christian Church.  Couldn't miss that!  John and I quickly changed and got ready for Christmas music.

We have a beautiful church sanctuary and the bell ringers were grand.  But two rows in front of me was a lady that looked from behind, like my dear friend, Jean Cox, that passed away last year from cancer.  Her hair, her glasses, her shoulders, her mannerisms, even the way her black hair had a little piece on top that stuck up just like Jean's...all made me feel as if my friend was right there in front of me, just waiting for the concert to be over and we would visit.  But I knew that wouldn't be.  So, I decided, she was my angel for the night.  An angel sent to remind me of the season and our love for one another.  A tear rolled down my cheek as I thought about how much I miss my dear friend, how much joy she had given me.  There she was and I could almost reach out and touch her.  It wasn't Jean, but Jean was there, listening to the music with me.

PCQ

Visit

It's been a busy week and I am thankful for that.  Time marches slowly when you are facing major surgery in a few weeks.

On Tuesday, three of my managers from work came to visit me.  It was good to catch up on everything.  Plus, they brought me a beautiful rosemary bush and a Christmas card signed by all my buddies at work.  I really miss everyone and will be thankful when I am well and able to return to my job.

My being absent has placed a lot of extra duties on them and I am certainly sorry for that.  But, they told me everyone has stepped up and provided the leadership needed to keep our service level humming along and customers happy. That is a good thing!

Everyone seemed to enjoy being out in the country as they are all city folk.  They were fascinated by my chickens, intrigued by the bottle tree, and a little jealous of all the space we have out here with no neighbors nearby.  All things I take for granted but never the less appreciate.

But soon they had to leave and I was sorry to see them go.  It seems like another life for me at work, as I have been so focused on my situation.

Hopefully, I will be back at work soon....wishing I was at home.

PCQ

Offer I Can't Refuse

Had an appointment today with the reconstructive surgeon. One remaining doctor seat open in my wagon and John and I got him on board today.  


Don't want to go into all he will be charged with doing during my surgery right now, but suffice it to say, he will play a very important part in pasting and putting me back together with the parts and pieces I have left.  We will worry about that tomorrow, as Scarlett O'Hara would say.


I was on the phone with my eighty-nine year old dear friend, Harold, tonight and I told him we went to see the reconstructive surgeon today.  He paused a moment and then said, "Now tell me exactly what he is going to do?"  At that point I told him the doc was going to put me back together and may have to rearrange some parts to do it.  Before I could finish, Harold said,"If there are any of my parts that you need, you are welcome to them, I hope you know that."


Now that is a dear friend....you can't ask for anything more.  Parts is parts, but Harold's parts are special!  Even if they are saturated in red wine and Carolina blue.


Thanks Harold, glad you are in my wagon too!
PCQ

I Went to a Party Last Night!

I went to a party last night.
It was in an old building, that in its heyday, was a car dealership.
John and I held each other close and danced,
With friends all around, toasting good cheer.

I went to a party last night.
It's Christmas and people are celebrating
But I haven't felt like celebrating.
Last night was different.

I went to a party last night.
Determined to leave all thoughts of cancer at home
To have fun, smile at everyone I saw
And enjoy every minute.

I went to a party last night.
Danced really slow to the Righteous Brothers singing, "Unchained Melody",
And watched the red and green lights sparkle and spin on the ceiling
Hoping the song would never end.

I went to a party last night.
Stayed out too late, ate too much, and smiled all the while.
My legs and body were ever so tired,
But what a grand time I had.

I went to a party last night.
It may be my last for a while.
So I didn't forget about 'things'.
But I went to a party last night!

PCQ

Update

Went for a check up today with Dr. Ballenger, my radiologist.  It has been one month since I finished my radiation and chemotherapy. Unfortunately, her waiting room was still full of people needing radiation.

She seemed pleased with my progress.   I certainly am too.  I measure progress by the tasks that I am able to do now, without pain.  I am still weak and takes me longer to do things, but I am improving.

So, here's where we are; still having some pain, but continue to see a reduction in amount of medication needed.

Sleep still sketchy, I don't have any problem going to sleep, it is staying asleep that presents the challenge.  The nerves in my right leg cause me to wake up.  I guess that is due to the growth on the S2 nerve.  The only way I can describe what I feel, I think it is probably like Restless Leg Syndrome.  I can't seem to get my leg in any position that will allow me to keep it still.  I just have to move it.  Doesn't hurt, just can't keep it in one place.  So as not to wake John, I usually get out of bed and walk around, do a few exercises, and hope it goes away.  But it certainly disrupts my sleep patterns.

I still have numbness from the growth and that has not changed.  The area still covers the inside of my right leg front to back and a triangular patch down the inside of my leg almost to the knee.  That has not changed.  My oncologist said some of the feeling there may return, but we can't be sure.

The radiation therapy is still causing pain in my butt.  It is not as red now, but still tender.  But....I can tell you it is NOT anywhere near what it was, burning and stinging has diminished and that is very good.  The radiation also made my insides sore.  That has improved too, but I still am cautious about sitting down quickly, no running/jogging, or fast moves!

Tummy still not happy, but the doctors say that may not change.  Radiation focused on the abdomen damages the lining of the intestines.  Oh well.

Taste has returned.  Smell seems to be back.  But I still can't play the piano!

So, let's look at how far I have come; I can walk without limping, sit down comfortably.  Before, nothing no where, no how, was comfortable and I had to have my "marshmallow cushion" of about 6 inches of foam to sit and sleep.  Pain has been reduced, so less meds, less foggy feeling.

I have an appointment with the reconstructive surgeon on Monday, Dr. Zeri.  The following week, I meet with the lead surgeon, Dr. Brillant, and maybe a surgery date will be given at that time.

So many things going on, but thankfully, I feel better and my ability to enjoy life has improved.  There for a while, there was not much joy in my life.  Am I where I would like to be?  Heck no!  Still tired, weak, and wishing desperately for this cancerous growth to be destroyed with as little long term damage to my body as possible.

But, I continue to focus on the good...no... GREAT things in my life.  How blessed I am to have such a wonderful husband that is constantly monitoring my health, making sure I get my rest, and doing anything he can to make my life better.

And if I could pick anybody in the world that I wanted to help me pull this wagon, he's the one.  As the song goes, "Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough, to keep me from getting to you," that's my John, nothing will stop him if he sees something needs to be done for me.

PCQ

Gingerbread House

Every Christmas, we make a gingerbread house.  Think it started when my "party in a box" friend, Kay, made a really fancy one for my girls when they were small and I got the fever.

When my girls were young, we would invite their friends over for a party and a wonderful gingerbread house would be made.  Of course, the kitchen would be sticky for weeks afterwards, but memories were made.

Lauren was home for Thanksgiving, and building a candy house was on my list of "to dos".  Thankfully, she was willing to help me and it turned out great.

Thanks Lauren, you did a grand job building "your Mom's" gingerbread house!

The tradition lives on....

PCQ

It's Christmas - Wreath Party - No Parade - Go ECU

At this time of year, angels are really busy, so sometimes God uses regular people.  Today, this was one of my angels!


Every year we have a wreath party on the first Saturday in December, that coincides with the Snow Hill Christmas Parade.  And what a wonderful parade it always is!  Down home floats made by  local churches, community groups, clowns are friends from right down the street, and all the fire engines, pretty girls, and old cars you can count!


The weather didn't cooperate this year and the parade was canceled, but maybe that was a good thing.  ECU was playing in the C-USA finals and I don't think I would have had the power to motivate all the ECU fans to leave such a spectacular game for the Snow Hill parade. There have been challenges in the past and we have made that hurdle.  But this time, it may have been a little too much.  


John and I always have a big Frazier fir and I had worked so hard on Friday to get the lights on ready for my friends to help me decorate on Saturday.  But, when I flipped on the lights Saturday morning, about half of them were not working!  GRRRrrr.. Oh no....and not enough time to take them off and get everything ready for all the people coming for the wreath party.

Thankfully, my best electrician angels came in first and helped me with the tree. God works His miracles in many ways!  The lights were fixed and ready in short order.  My frustration was erased, thanks to Bailey, an electrician, and Beth, his first class helper.  And they both seemed to enjoy the challenge, what sweethearts.

Wreath making, food munching, and ECU football watching went well. John had all the greenery and fixings anyone would need to get their house ready for the holidays.  Plastic was stretched around the porch to protect the wreath makers from wind and rain that was expected that day.  

Wreaths, (about 35 were made and carried away to Asheville, Raleigh, Norfolk, VA, Greenville, Winterville, Walstonburg, and of course Snow Hill) fellowship, food (Harold's great dip, lovingly made cheese straws, Joanie's wonderful chili, boiled shrimp, cookies, fruit, meatballs, dip, toasted pecans...and the list goes on!) and fun...more memories were made. Living and loving, it was all good.

Thanks to my friends for the wonderful food and support.  Special thanks to the "Merry Maids" that took over my kitchen and put away all the food and left everything sparkling and ready for Sunday!  What a blessing.  You ROCK around the Christmas tree!

Merry Christmas to all!


PCQ

Santa

Had dinner at church last night.  Guess who came to see me?  Santa Claus!  I told him I wanted a pony.  He told me to say it really loud so someone else would hear it, so I did.

He was a very nice Santa Claus and told me he had a good feeling about me and just knew I was on his list of "good girls and boys".  Let's hope so.

Merry Christmas...Santa will be here before we know it.

PCQ

Hot Chocolate

Received the following email from an old roommate and dear friend that lives in Atlanta.

"Hope this attachment will go thru… I saw it and thought of you…  from your blog I have learned that you are definitely the Hot Chocolate !!!

Think of you more than you know and wish I could carry some of the load for you..   Although we have not been as close over the years as I would have wished,  you and JQ have never left my thoughts and warm memories …  just wish there were more…  I don’t want to go on wishing that so I will try to be better in the future.  Love..."

Don't have a name to attribute the story, but the attachment with her email was titled: 

The Wisdom in Hot Chocolate

A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were discussing their lives at a class reunion.  They decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired, who was always an inspiration to them.

During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work, lives and relationships.

Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups.  Some cups were porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain, some expensive, some exquisite.  He invited each to help themselves to the hot chocolate.  When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor shared his thoughts.  

"Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones."

"While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress."

"The cup that you are drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate.  In most cases it was just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink."

"What each of you really wanted was hot chocolate.  You did not want the cup...but you consciously went for the best cups.  And soon, you began to eye one another's cups.  Now friends, please consider this.  Life is the hot chocolate...your job, money and position in society are the cups.  They are just the tools to hold and contain life.  The cup you have does not define, nor does it change, the quality of life you are living.  Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us.  Always remember this...God brews the hot chocolate, He does not choose the cup.  The happiest people don't have the best of everything.  They just make the best of everything that they have!"

"Live simply...

Love generously...

Care deeply...

Speak kindly"...

"Leave the rest to God."

~and remember~

"The richest person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least."

"Enjoy your hot chocolate!"

What a wonderful message from a dear friend!

PCQ

Feeling Better :-)

Feeling much better today.  Whatever brought on the fog and bad feelings has lifted!

Had an appointment with my urologist today.  He's another one of the doctors that will be on call during the surgery, just in case anything needs to be done with my bladder.  Not a fun thing to talk about, but we had to go through the process.

We discussed my situation and he was very positive about how all of this would work.  He told me the S-2 nerve is very important but it can be damaged and still continue to operate necessary equipment.  Our bodies are so resilient!  We talked about how different we all are, but ultimately we all have the same parts.  We can only wish for the best when the growth is removed.  He will conference with Dr. Brillant and work through his part in this operation.

He also did an ultrasound of my abdomen to make sure my water parts are working okay.  Got a OK on all of that for now.  So, looks like we have a urologist in the wagon now.  Getting crowded in here, but that's how parties get started.

PCQ

Not Feeling Well :-(

First day of December, and I don't feel good.  Have some kind of stomach virus and it is really making me tired.  Hopefully, I will feel better soon.

Good news is; Lauren applied for a summer residency in Paris and she just found out she got it!  So, looks like she will be spending the summer in France, viewing art at the Louvre, walking along the Champs Elysees, cruising down the Seine, and of course viewing France from top of the Eiffel Tower!

Maybe, just maybe, she'll let us come visit her.

C'est la vie!

PCQ