Thursday

Received a call from Dr. Sharts, my neurosurgeon, Thursday afternoon.  Never good when you get a call from your doctor. After reviewing the MRI, CT and PET scans, he had decided he did not feel comfortable doing the surgery.  Apparently, the nasty little cancer had inched up my spine just enough to cause him to pause and rethink his position.

Needless to say, I was devastated.  What I was hearing....we can't save you, this surgery can't be done.  Prepare.

I asked him, "What do I do now?"  "Get in touch with Dr. Brillant and Dr. Mahajan," he said.  I hung up the phone and stared at my birds outside.  They were jumping around on the feeder, the sun shining especially bright on a male cardinal feeding on the sunflower seeds.  What do I do now?  I felt so alone and hopeless.   I was right back where I started.

Remarkably, I kept my composure and called John.  He immediately came home and we called our preacher. Martin was at the parsonage, so John and I went right over, hugged, shed tears, and talked with him about what we were experiencing.  Martin is a kind man, with a wonderful gift of making you feel better, feel loved, no matter how intimidating your circumstances may be and he has been a good, loving shoulder during this whole process.  We held hands and prayed together for healing, however that healing may come. With the sun shining through the tall oaks, we left, still worried, but with comforted hearts.

When we arrived home, our friend George, had delivered food for dinner.  Chicken tetrazzini, homemade by his wife, Willa, a wonderful cook and in her past life a teacher.  She taught what us old people used to called Home Ec., so you know it was 'fine vittles'.  Another one of those great timing dinners.  I was too tired to think about preparing food and from heaven it appeared.  Thank you George and Willa, you had no idea what was going on in our life when you shared your blessings with us.

After dinner, John and I reviewed our options. We are not people that give up easily.  Many tears and hugs later, exhausted, I fell asleep in John's arms.

My wagon's still moving, just not sure what direction right now.
PCQ